Confused compass?

[JJAC2005]

Next let me share what I was going to wait another 2-5 more days to ask....but since today was a perfect day for it....I went for it!

Good Morning....
I was thinking that today would be a perfect opportunity to begin a new phase in our relationship....a friendship phase.
I see all the snow and have the biggest urge to go sledding with the kids....and would even take them out for lunch if they would like to go.
And as an added bonus I would even help Colton shovel the drive *;) winking

What do you say...Mom?
Can we get together for a play day?
Me

[JJAC2005]

now let me share her reply....

I am not sure how this email even came through....as I thought I blocked your email.
Today is a perfect day for you to realize there is absolutely nothing left of any kind of relationship! Apparently you have absolutely no idea what I meant by my comment to your last email about cancelling our meeting. You are selfish and always will be. You are not welcome at my house nor around my children.
If you truly had been waiting to talk to me like you said you had been...then you really should have cancelled your previous plans (you forgot about or made after the fact) and moved them to a different date. Funny, you can tell your counselor you wrote your letter and finished that step of 12...but then the card you sent is right back to the old selfish you.
And to clarify....You will never know EXACTLY how you made me feel.

[JJAC2005]

Now.....where exactly in the line of DB'ing does this place me?

I am really confused as to what to do...how to proceed
Can anyone help?

[JJAC2005]

Well, at this point I am a little calmer.
But for a while I was pretty amp"t over her reaction....

I sent a short email asking for a chance to explain a few things...to which I got a reply back that said "no explanation is needed"....I then sent one more final attempt at an email....as follows.

I saw that you wrote me that you can forgive but not forget....can I ask why you are not allowing any room in your heart for forgiveness?
We have been a family for 7 plus years....I have not seen the kids since early Sept.....or heard from Colton since mid Nov.
I'm not asking for a lot....but a place to start to mend a little bit of a friendship...we both have a lot of qualities that could lend itself to a nice friendship

When I asked you for the meeting...I had NO idead that you would turn around so quickly, and its a tad bit unfair that you call me selfish on changing my plan when I wanted to make the best of that situation.
I saw your smile...not just once....I saw your eyes....and I heard you tell me that you just were not ready for a meeting, and that you were not strong enough.
I know it will take time for you to see the changes that have already taken place in my life and I can only hope that you can forgive me enough to want to see them someday.
But keeping the kids from a relationship with me after all we have shared as a family is a little harsh and completely unfair to them....I would think that you could realize just how much Colton misses me...and I know that you know I was a great dad to these kids....even if I messed up a few things with you.
I hope you will reconsider....start to move to a more friendly interaction

[JJAC2005]

I AM NOW BACK TO BEING AT HER MERCY FOR ANY FORGIVENESS OR COMMUNICATION WITH THE KIDS.

And basically back to square one with DB
working on me and going dark....

[Cadet]

Well sorry it turned out that way but it does not really surprise me.

You need to give her what she is asking for complete darkness.

Let her control the contact.

Stop pursuing and trying to build something, now is not the TIME for that.

Do the kids play any sports or extra curricular activities?

[Grateful]

I AM NOW BACK TO BEING AT HER MERCY FOR ANY FORGIVENESS OR COMMUNICATION WITH THE KIDS.

And basically back to square one with DB
working on me and going dark....

I know that it is hard to go dark. It was almost impossible for me. Looking back, I wish I would asked myself which is harder: going dark and possibly having a chance at a R OR continuing to pester her and end all chances of getting back together. I chose door #2. I hope you choose wiser than me.

[JJAC2005]

Thanks for the reply AND HONESTY!
I need to listen better to what is here...it looks to be a very long road ahead....and right now I see the chances are slim to none to say the least.

I did send her one last email hoping to get a sliver of a change in her stance, but she has yet to reply.....that was probably wrong of me to send as well.
as follows:
I saw that you wrote me that you can forgive but not forget....can I ask why you are not allowing any room in your heart for forgiveness?
We have been a family for 7 plus years....I have not seen the kids since early Sept.....or heard from Colton since mid Nov.
I'm not asking for a lot....but a place to start to mend a little bit of a friendship...we both have a lot of qualities that could lend itself to a nice friendship

When I asked you for the meeting...I had NO idead that you would turn around so quickly, and its a tad bit unfair that you call me selfish on changing my plan when I wanted to make the best of that situation.
I saw your smile...not just once....I saw your eyes....and I heard you tell me that you just were not ready for a meeting, and that you were not strong enough.
I know it will take time for you to see the changes that have already taken place in my life and I can only hope that you can forgive me enough to want to see them someday.
But keeping the kids from a relationship with me after all we have shared as a family is a little harsh and completely unfair to them....I would think that you could realize just how much Colton misses me...and I know that you know I was a great dad to these kids....even if I messed up a few things with you.
I hope you will reconsider....start to move to a more friendly interaction.

[JJAC2005]

I promise "All of you" here on DB...
From now on I will adhere strictly to the rules of engagement!
And I will wait for her to contact me!

But I will be sending out a B-day card the beginning of March for D15, turns 16....:)

[JJAC2005]

Yes....they both play sports...and D15 is also in orchestra, 1st chair violin (I have been banned from seeing that as well)

I just got done talking to a coach about hitting practice for the boy, as to get a bigger edge on the start of spring ball. But with no contact, cant even bring that up