Now, I will be the first to admit that I am not ready to jump back into our old M. I am sure things would quickly go sideways. We have many issues, on both sides, that we need to work out. I am willing to work slowly in it, stay separated, whatever, with the understanding that it may not work. This is pretty much the situation you are in tallula. You're both on board .I would LOVE to be in your sitch right now, or to just have my wife show ONE sign that she isn't 100% done. That is all I would need. Unfortunately, I am working on myself alone, all alone. I know, DBing is for "ME", and I am working hard towards being a better person. I really am. It just doesn't make it any easier when you know your S isn't putting in any work and shows no signs of returning.
It is just discouraging....today is discouraging. tomorrow WILL BE BETTER...I have to remind myself of that.
Well, the only reason I really know my H isn't 100% done, is he hasn't filed for D. One minute he is done, the next he isn't. One minute he is affectionate, the next he isn't. Michelle doesn't say to believe less than half of what you hear...blah. You know it. That's the way to look at it. She hasn't filed, so there is a chance. Mine is a serial cheater, so...yeah. Let's not even go there. My sitch is jacked up. Like Sandi said, she showed NO SIGNS of wanting the R to work. ALl we can do, it stop making the sitch worse and focus on the only thing we can change, us. I hope my H wants to change and be a faithful H. But, I can't pretend that I don't have things to work on in the meantime. I'll need to work on those if I EVER want a healthier, happier me.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
No, not at all. I am becoming the man I want to be. I AM working towards making my changes a permanent part of me. I know all too well that I am not there. I'm still doing the work.
The part that I am having a hard time with is the wondering, stressing, worrying about wether my family will reunite. I know perfectly well that I will be okay no matter what. However, will my D be okay in a split home, will our friends still be okay with both of us? What about our families? What about our finances. Those are the things I am holding on to, not just for myself, for everyone involved. When I am detached to the point where those things don't affect my emotions, something is probably drastically wrong.
No, not at all. I am becoming the man I want to be. I AM working towards making my changes a permanent part of me. I know all too well that I am not there. I'm still doing the work.
The part that I am having a hard time with is the wondering, stressing, worrying about wether my family will reunite. I know perfectly well that I will be okay no matter what. However, will my D be okay in a split home, will our friends still be okay with both of us? What about our families? What about our finances. Those are the things I am holding on to, not just for myself, for everyone involved. When I am detached to the point where those things don't affect my emotions, something is probably drastically wrong.
Well, for me personally, I start to worry about those things so I can feel some sort of control in a situation that I have no control in. For me, I have to stop. Take a look around, and focus on what is happening RIGHT NOW. You aren't D. That will come, when it comes. Easier said than done, I know. I keep flashing to, OMG, how am I going to turn a newborn over on weekends!!! That is 6 months away. It is not now. I have no idea what my life will be then. Or tomorrow. Or in 2 hours.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Well, the only reason I really know my H isn't 100% done, is he hasn't filed for D. One minute he is done, the next he isn't. One minute he is affectionate, the next he isn't. Michelle doesn't say to believe less than half of what you hear...blah. You know it. That's the way to look at it. She hasn't filed, so there is a chance. Mine is a serial cheater, so...yeah. Let's not even go there. My sitch is jacked up. Like Sandi said, she showed NO SIGNS of wanting the R to work. ALl we can do, it stop making the sitch worse and focus on the only thing we can change, us. I hope my H wants to change and be a faithful H. But, I can't pretend that I don't have things to work on in the meantime. I'll need to work on those if I EVER want a healthier, happier me.
GroceryKartMan gave me some good advice awhile back, I would like to pass it on to you. Just BE A GOOD DUDE. IMO, the way you start to change is when you have those thoughts that you put into that text, you stop. Think them, but do not express them. Push them aside, deal with them by screaming or something. Next thing you know those things won't bother you.
As far as people telling you to move on, well really what do they know. You don't just wake up one morning and say today is the day. Regardless of wether or not you are trying to make positive changes to yourself, you'll be ready when your ready. I have a friend that has been S for a year and he tells me he wishes he wouldn't have wasted all this time hoping it would work out. Well he still holds so much anger and resentment because he didn't take the proper steps to deal with the breakdown of his marriage. To address his own issues. So really the waste of time is that he still has to deal with his anger and resentment. He is a year behind the curve. Personally I like the path of DB.
Also, would it be fair to someone else to be in a relationship when you still want to reconcile? Would it be fair to someone else if it was the same old suckerpunch, making the same mistakes?
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Today is a MUCH better day! My spirits are up. Thanks everyone for picking me up yesterday. It is always appreciated.
Today, I am doing some HEAVY DUTY laundry/sorting/organizing before heading back to work this afternoon. I have come to the conclusion that my D has more clothes than any human can possibly fit inside of one bedroom. I have literally bagged up several large garbage bags full of clothes I am going to send off...and her closet, dresser and storage chest are still FULL!...haha girls
W updated her FB status lastnight around 1am. She says, "Time for more laughing and less crying". I couldn't agree more. Already making plans for MY weekend
