Journaling: Had a really good weekend. W left work early Friday night so she could join kids and I for dinner (she texted me asking about dinner). W had kind of a rough day at work and we talked about it right when we sat down. I kept eye contact and really listened and emphasized with how she was feeling. She ended up carrying the conversation which is rare, and nice. She seemed to relax after we chatted and then had good time with a lot of laughs (S4 was being hilarious). Felt like old times.
Saturday I went to a conference with friends but I had no idea what the topic was, buddy asked and I said sure. It was a men's conference and the topic was "No Regrets, Transformed". I sat in 7 hours of conferences discussing how God can change us to be the men he intends us to be. One speakers entire talk was about God allowing trials in our lives to allow us to transform. He also said if we really want to change people in our lives the easiest way is to change ourselves and see how they react. Another speaker was an ex-mob guy who admittedly had every character flaw you can have and he discussed how he's been changed and the impact it had on his life, his family, and his M. The entire day seemed like everything we talk about here with a religious context.
Sunday family went to church which also was having a Super Bowl party. It was fun but I got dragged out in cold to run one of the tailgate grills for a little bit. We spent rest of day together. Got a good workout in at gym then we took kids swimming. Finished up eating tons of junk food and watching Super Bowl together. W usually stops watching at half but sat next to me the entire game.
Overall a fun weekend and biggest accomplishment in my opinion is first time in long time with absolutely no D talk or reference. She even asked about S4's B-day party in late March. I guess I'll continue doing what I'm doing, have a couple GAl things this week/ weekend along with a few family things. With W I'll continue my 180's (especially the listening one) and not get hopes up because I know what's happened every time I have. Just enjoying these times for what they are.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
Spartan, I'm so happy to see your progress. Keep up the good work. I think you attended that conference for a reason--it was just what you needed. Stay strong, and stay connected to your spiritual self.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
S4 had a little homework project where he has to put together a board showing our family traditions. W and I worked on finding pictures for him of various things we've done over the years. It was fun for a while and W and I were laughing and reminiscing about things and then about 20 minutes in a thought popped in my head of all these family traditions possibly ending. It's odd because my W seemed to get quiet just before I did so wonder if she thought the same thing (or could have just been gas, who knows what a WAS is thinking ). We spent another couple minutes getting last photos picked out. The last few minutes were pretty tough for me and my insides were torn up but the good news is the feelings lasted only a couple minutes and I didn't say or do anything stupid and not one tear was shed. I even tried to make a few jokes and small talk with W when I noticed her being quiet. I was happy I realized it was just a thought and was able to get control of it before it took hold in my head. Just a few weeks/ months ago that would no doubt have happened with best case me moping around and being sad the rest of night, worst case me starting to cry or bring up photos and her decision to tear our family apart. W seemed a little preoccupied the rest of night though.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
Spartan if you don't think you W felt that anxiety thought you are wrong. Law of attractions. If you think your M will will end, it will. Every human on this planet vibrates at certain frequency. You ever have a friend or a person enter a room and it is an instant "downer". There is a reason for that. They vibrate at negative frequency. Just saying.
As LA stated. If your W goes quiet. Sense it and find an excuse to get busy. Clean garage. Play guitar. Go do push ups.
The fact that we can align ourselves with a higher energy field is true. Agree with PoN. That said, I think you did well, Spartan, considering how tough that moment must've been for the two of you. It's okay to acknowledge that the whole picture ordeal is hard, though. Your W might open up about her own feelings and feel a connection. Be authentic but also show that you value yourself and are strong and optimistic.
You did great Spartan. The whole thing can be draining. It can be hard. I can guarantee your W is hurting. She might cry every night behind closed doors. Keep moving forward. Your doing great and try not to 'react' to any surprises
