Thanks, Snodderly. But that is easier said than done. I just keep praying. Like AJ said, I don't know why I am going through this test, but this is the road I am on.
It reminds me of the time H and I took an anniversary trip to a state park and decided to go trail hiking. There are cliffs at this state park and it just so happens that this trail was the steepest, highest trail in the park, but I had no idea and I had sandals on. By the time I figured out that the trail only got steeper and higher it was too late to turn back. H kept saying let's turn around but I told him the way down would be harder than the way up. The more he persuaded me to turn around the faster I climbed up the trail to the point where I left him behind and he couldn't keep up. The faster I climbed the angrier I got but also more determined too. I remember at one point another couple was coming back down and said that we weren't even halfway there. I wanted to give up, but refused to back down. I kept going. Eventually, we reached the top. I was exhausted and angry but I enjoyed the view and I was proud of myself for doing it.
Right now I am exhausted. I want to move on with my life. I want my kids and I want H gone. But I need to do what will work for me in the long run. I cannot be short sighted about this. I have only myself to lean on. No one else will do this for me.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Here are some Al-Anon slogans that have helped me through dark days. There are days where I simply repeated one slogan, over and over and over and over and over... Hope it helps.
Easy Does It This Too Shall Pass Keep it Simple Let Go and Let God Live and Let Live Think (Before I say it, is it... Thoughtful. Honest. Insightful. Necessary. Kind.
What if everyone just added more mantras that have helped them along the way? You know those simple sayings that keep you standing when you life is hitting so hard.
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Ah, yes. I was re-reading my post and I may have given the wrong impression. While I believe he may not remember it later, he DOES know what he is doing to you.
Still wondering what you would have made up if you were controlling that puppet? Just for fun
Hang in there WH. It's steep right now, but it gets easier the view is worth it.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
So H comes home and D wants to go to the store with dad to buy more stuff for her Easy Bake oven. He says we can go if it's okay with mom. I say of course it's okay. I'm not about "my day" his day crap. Kids need both parents parenting together. I only hope when "his day" comes around he is as considerate and thoughtful but I'm not holding my breath. Its not easy taking the high road but at least I have a clear conscience.
He even picked up some saline for me, God love him. Lol! Maybe I should make him do the shopping since I tend to spend too much money. That would be interesting.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Another evening gone by. Little spew. I let him have time with the kids because I am the better person whether he believes that or not. It feels better being this way. I won't get this behavior in exchange, but that's his problem to live with not mine.
H also bought a new camcorder. Lol. I suppose he is going to say it's for work? I can't buy tires but he can get a camcorder? Oh he's spinning all right. He's digging himself a hole. I'm gonna give him a bigger shovel.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Heather suggested mantras. That is funny, because I have a new one. To help remind me to just keep letting go, and letting stuff continue to happen. Whenever X does stuff that bothers me, I say to myself, inside my head, to him: "Have a nice rest of your life wthout me...." And that somehow reminds me that I haqve NO CONTROL over him.
Hang in there!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
H was around this morning and tried to pick a fight again and I just walked away. I hate how he tries to get the kids all riled up in the morning. He used to leave for work before I got the kids ready for school and now he is around like bad news. I know it's good for the kids but it confuses D. D slept in her own bed but didn't sleep well. Neither did I. It's gonna be a long day needless to say.
Fight the good fight every moment right?
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Hang in there! He's trying to rile the kids up so that you'll snap. He really is not a happy camper and he wants you just as miserable as he is.
Try to have a pleasant day and know that your children are safe, loved and fed properly by you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It's hard taking the high road. What he's doing is not right. It's not fair. Others see that. I see that. But I cannot control him. He needs to know there is someone bigger and stronger. In this case it's the court. Only the court can control him apparently because he does not even have control over himself.
Some days I wish I could just run away. Does that mean I'm having a MLC too? Lol!
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
No, you aren't having an MLC! You are still very sane and know right from wrong. What you are experiencing is very normal.
Yes, the court is the only one that can knock your h down a few pegs, but even the court will have difficulty w/him.
Try to enjoy your day.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You know those simple sayings that keep you standing when you life is hitting so hard.