Awwwwww thanks BK!!! I don't know what I would do without you guys!!! What kills me is that H's lawyer seems to think all his ideas are wonderful. Isn't a lawyer supposed to advise not just "go along"?
Yes my attorney said this does not surprise him nor is he unprepared for it. I trust my lawyer. He's a good man. A wise man.
H wants the house. He didn't want it at first, but now he does. Perhaps OW has her eye on it? It's too much money for me to afford and too much maintenance. So he's trying to force me out. He's been trying to force me out since last summer.
I think OW and H are planning to get married and she's moving down here with her kids. I don't know how that will work but that's my suspicion.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Again thanks to all who have been there for me this past year. I am really starting to think this will never end. I don't know if I will ever see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know what I ever did to deserve this treatment but I must have been something deplorable.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
So new drama. H's lawyer told mine that at tomorrow's temporary hearing they are going to try to make it the "final" hearing. I am to move out of the home by February 1st and I am to stop all efforts to inhibit his ability to refinance. H told his attorney there have been incidents of violence caused by me and the home with me in it is unsafe for the children. They are also demanding the restriction on the significant other be lifted.
This is rich. Please please please comment friends and pull me out of the crazy of H's world!!! Are his attorneys crazy too???
Yep, par for the course my dear. Your lawyer is very smart to have expected it.
What they'll do is start by putting the line wayyyyy over the top. That way when you start to negotiate you start off by defending. Negotiation 101 to put your opponent off-balance and on the defensive like that.
The lawyer doesn't care - he gets paid regardless. Kind of like Vegas - the house always wins.
Mine tried a few things like that. Pretty funny looking back, but it really is atrocious behavior considering.
Your H will NOT be happy no matter what happens. You will likely not be happy no matter what happens.
Keep focused on what is important - you and your kids. Keep focused on what you need to get out of this transaction. Keep listening to your lawyer - he'll know what is a real accusation and what is not.
Be at peace WH. This is an expected and normal part of this process choice he's made.
Oh, and trying to move things up to his timetable? Also classic negotiation tactics. Follow your lawyer's advice - he knows what's going on and knows what he's doing. But remember you're a team and you'll need to keep your wits about you. There will be plenty of time later to reflect back on what is happening and what happened and the OW is doing/planning etc.
Peace,
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Thanks everyone. I did very well tonight considering. D had a complete and total meltdown on H tonight. I'm still dealing with the aftershocks. She is beyond out of sorts.
I said nothing to H about tomorrow's court date. I just told him we were signing the mediation papers tomorrow. My lawyer knew he would try to get me to sign documents tonight. He told me do not sign anything!!
H may also be torked because my attorney sent an email earlier today stating that H will have to pay about another $1200 on top of child support to equalize our incomes after the D is final. That may have sent H over the edge.
My head is spinning. I can't wait until tomorrow is over!!
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
wishing, Please put on your business hat today and keep very calm. Do not go into that room showing you are upset or angry. You have to remain calm. Listen to your lawyer because he's going to be the one who will do the negotiating for you. You have to put all of your faith and trust in him. He will fight for you and he knows what your h is pulling. He's seen it before.
If your h wants the house, then negotiate. Don't just leave. He will need to buy you out and you want cash and you want the cash within 90 days. I bought my xh out of the house and that was the time limit I had to come up with the buyout money. Your lawyer may already have this in mind so it's something to keep in the back of your mind.
Lawyers that handle mlc cases know what is going on w/them and will rack up billable hours because there is a profit in it for them. I know the lawyer my xh had knew he was nuts, but she couldn't do anything w/him to listen to reason. No matter what, the lawyer that is being paid by a client will stand by them even if they are crazy or murdered someone. But that is not your issue today.
I will be thinking and praying for you today. I pray that your lawyer will pull the big guns out and will stand firm and protect you and your family any way that he can. AJ is right about one thing, no one is happy when the divorce and settlement are over, i.e., no one wins. So, aim high for what you want and negotiate, i.e., that's what his lawyer is doing.
Good luck today!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks everyone. I am nervous and a little scared but mostly scared of the unknown. The judge who presides this case is the same judge we had the first time we went to court and who told H "you are still a married man". My lawyer does not think the judge will go along with any of this stuff, but I don't want to get overconfident. Anything can happen. I just keep praying.
Boy oh boy. I hope God has something good in store for me down the road because I for one think I have earned it!!!
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Oh and Snodderly, there is no equity in the house so there is nothing to buy me out of. We have a second mortgage on the house which puts the value slightly negative or at the break-even point. I believe that is one reason why H wants this D done right away. If any more time progresses we will start to accrue equity and he will have to pay me. H thinks I am stupid. He also thinks that everything "belongs" to him. He is something else. No loss on my part. His loss all the way.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
