I will get by....

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks GG. That's right. And my lawyer said the same thing. If we are both splitting the expenses for the kids 50/50, then we should split the income 50/50. If he can't afford to keep OW in the lap of luxury that's not my problem. We are also going to have a clause that states if he doesn't use all twelve of his "floater" days or if his work travel causes him to miss so many of his placement days the child support formula will be recalculated. We plan to monitor this for 18 months. H is trying to scare me with this bankruptcy thing in order to get me to agree to his proposal. I was born in the night. But not last night.

Enjoying "Despicable Me", popcorn and sparkling grape juice with the kids. Well, I'm having wine! : )

[wishing, hoping]

Well here is hoping 2013 is kinder and gentler than 2012. Actually 2011 stunk too so let's hope improvement is on the way.

Lots of "coming around again" scenarios coming into play lately. It's the beginning of a new year and I keep thinking where I was a year ago. Seeing the Valentines cards and hearts and candy have the memories come crashing back into me. Here I am at a kids bouncy house place where I remember being almost a year ago after H and I had "the talk". I remember how desperate and scared I was. How much I cried and prayed and was in denial. Although not much has changed about my sitch, I have changed dramatically. I found this board, found my lawyer, started counseling and confided in good friends. I still have a long way to go. But as the saying goes, I ain't who I'm gonna be but at least I ain't who I was. I ain't where I'm heading but at least I ain't where I was.

I know my relationship with H is over as much as it hurts to say it. I wish it was different for my kids. But he has done so much damage and he isn't sorry. He has no regrets. Even if he was sorry, i don't think he is the kind who can make the changes he needs to make. He thinks he is fine and it's all me. H is the type that has to hit rock bottom before he makes a change and honestly I don't believe he can make an honest change. He has no integrity, no character and no moral standards. I deserve better. My kids deserve better. I cannot and will not settle for less.

That being said I still grieve for what I thought I had. I honestly don't know if H is in midlife crisis or if he's just a bad person that pretended to be good for a long time?

Sometimes I wish I had a relationship so I could have someone for support but I know I'm not ready. I wonder if I will ever be ready again?

[AJM]

H is the type that has to hit rock bottom before he makes a change and honestly I don't believe he can make an honest change. He has no integrity, no character and no moral standards. I deserve better. My kids deserve better. I cannot and will not settle for less.

That being said I still grieve for what I thought I had. I honestly don't know if H is in midlife crisis or if he's just a bad person that pretended to be good for a long time?

Sometimes I wish I had a relationship so I could have someone for support but I know I'm not ready. I wonder if I will ever be ready again?

Lots of insight, WH. Very admirable.

I remember talking to my BIL right after this started for me. He said something similar about hitting rock bottom before changing. At the time, I had hoped she wouldn't hit bottom. I don't really care any more, but it is a scary place to be for many. Glad I won't be seeing it

Wanting a relationship to share your life with someone? That's normal if you ask me. Glad you have the presence of mind to know you're not ready. That'll save you a lot of grief. But you will have that again. Really just a matter of time and you being ready. You will be at some point.

As for whether or not you really had "it" with H... you did and you know it. Don't let him take that away from you. At some point, you'll be able to look back at those times in a healthy way and remember them fondly. Without the pain. It truly does happen and I hope that happens sooner than later for you. The good times were good times; they were not a lie. You didn't pick "wrong". He just has some issue to deal with. Kind of like people that have a car accident or cancer and have to deal with it.

Nobody has the right to take those memories away from you.

Here's to a happier and healthier 2013, WH. May you make many new happy memories!

AJ

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks AJ. That makes me feel better. I never wanted my kids to grow up in a split home. It breaks my heart.

A friend of mine posted something to Facebook which said "It's never too late to live happily ever after." I posted that the key to living happily ever after is realizing happiness is created in yourself not dependent on someone else.

H is gone still. He called and wanted to talk to the kids. He told them he would he back in the am to take them to school. So essentially he lives here on "his" days with the kids and lives with her on his "off" days. I wish he would just move up there with her. It would save me a lot of grief.

Oh well just intending to take advantage of his taking the kids to school by using the time to my advantage. It feels wrong though. I would rather be with my kids.

[wishing, hoping]

So new drama. H's lawyer told mine that at tomorrow's temporary hearing they are going to try to make it the "final" hearing. I am to move out of the home by February 1st and I am to stop all efforts to inhibit his ability to refinance. H told his attorney there have been incidents of violence caused by me and the home with me in it is unsafe for the children. They are also demanding the restriction on the significant other be lifted.

This is rich. Please please please comment friends and pull me out of the crazy of H's world!!! Are his attorneys crazy too???

[job]

wishing,
I am so sorry to hear this. Yes, his lawyer is out for money only. Your h is a lot like mine. My xh told his lawyer that I had knocked him out, tied him up and set all of his clothes on fire in the driveway. The PI advised my lawyer that there was no way in h@ll I could have done this as my xh is taller and heavier than I am and my drive way is black topped.

His lawyer is only after his money and, of course, even if they don't think what their client is telling them is the truth, they will still side w/them because they are the clients.

If there was such violence, did he have a restraining order? Where the policy contacted to come out and referee? How come he's been spending time there? How much taller and heavier is your h? If the children are unsafe in your presence, then the burden of proof is this...I would get my children's physician to provide a statement that they have never been in his office with injuries. Also, if you were so crazy to do them harm, wouldn't there be hospital reports and police reports as well as child advocates coming there to check on the children. These are things you need to address.

I think the February 1st date is far too soon for you to move out...where will you go? You can't get an apartment this quickly.

I honestly do not see this as the final hearing...there are way too many issues to hash out and yes, he's setting you up. Don't allow this stuff to cause you to panic. You need to stay calm and deal w/this in a very calm, business like manner. You need to show him and his lawyer that you are a grown, sane woman who hasn't done a thing to hurt her children. If worse comes to worse, the children may have to come in and tell them how you are as a mother (I hope not).

Your h is over the top here and is grasping at straws to not have to pay children support. Get w/your lawyer before the hearing and if you can't do this, I would not agree that this is the final hearing. He's hoping to rattle you so badly that you'll screw up in the hearing...don't go there! Stay strong.

I'm in your corner and will be praying for you.

[reachingHigher]

W,h,

I'm so sorry you have this craziness in your life! I just wanted to let you know I keep up with your sitch and I wish only the best for you and your kids.

Hang on to your sanity....one day these bad times will just be history!

rH

[NLW]

w,h

This is awful. I am so sorry that you are going through this.

It confirms to me that this is a form of mental illness that people go through.

I have heard some similarly irrational stuff from my H in regard to matters under legal dispute.

As Rick said to me just yesterday on here: They will say anything to get what they want.

If you can, look at it as a sign of how desperate they are - losing touch with reality is not a good sign, particularly when going into a legal process.

He will be found out and it will not be good for his case.

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks so much guys. I get home and the house is in sheer chaos!!! D is having another meltdown, refuses to eat and is acting out against H. I am sure he thinks that is my fault too. He is making her go to bed early and she is fighting him tooth and nail. I heard her screaming bloody murder and shouting "you're the worst dad ever!!" I am not rescueing him. Of course it's me who creates the dysfunction and chaos. Obviously it's him.

I have to get my kids and myself out of this situation!!! It's completely unhealthy. Help!!!

[BklynMom]

Your h is insane. One day he cooks for you the next he kicks you out.

I guess I missed in your story why h gets the house, he should move out if he is leaving the family?

Either way feb 1 is too soon. Stay calm. I am sure your lawyer had seen this before.

Don't let emotions take over, think about what you need to be safe and keep you kids safe. Ask your lawyer about all your legal options.

You are not crazy. He is. We love you. Hang in there for your kids