H has been very quiet today. He made breakfast of toast, sausage and eggs. He even put that god-awful ham in the eggs. Needless to say I refused to eat them. Lol! I peeled some cuties for me and of course the kids wanted some too. I made some cinnamon toast for myself and S wanted some of mine because he didnt like the way dad made it. I don't know how you can mess up cinnamon toast, but whatever.
H took the kids sledding so I had a chance to go shopping by myself which when you are practically a single mom is a treat in itself. By the time I got back they were home and H was watching the football game. So he went down to his man cave and the kids and I did beading projects. I made dinner and fed the kids. He has been pounding down the drinks so he's pretty mellow right now.
Of course he made breakfast and asked me to clean up the kitchen so he could snow blow. Then he took the kids sledding but didn't put their coats and gloves in the dryer. Just left them heaped in a pile.
So super dad only goes so far. Apparently he still needs someone to pick up where he left off.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Weirder still. The kids and H are watching a movie downstairs and H comes up to make popcorn. He sees the card on the counter for my niece that just had a baby and asked who it was for. I told him it was for my niece and he started asking all kinds of questions and even stated that he didn't even know she was expecting. I just thought why would I tell you that? Why would you care? You're not part of their lives anymore and they hate you!! But it was odd. Just small talk? Or is he just trying to find out what I am up to? More crazymaking?
I wish he would just go away!!! Lol!
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I'm glad the day was a quiet one for you and you were able to get out for a bit.
I have to agree w/you...he's still looking for someone to clean up behind him. I think that the is the child/teenage mentality! LOL!
He was curious about the card and wanted to know what was going on. It sounds like he may have had a moment of clarity if he was asking questions, etc.
Hopefully he will be back to work in no time and things will then settle down after tomorrow.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
He just left thank goodness. Now I can breathe for a bit. Gotta come up with some fun activity for the kids tonight. I should have known it was New Years Eve and he was gonna take off for some fun with OW. He told me he took today off to be with the kids. Apparently that wasn't the case. I have an appointment with the lawyer today so now I need someone to watch the kids. He knew that, but left anyway.
Enjoying this time with him gone. Good riddance.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Hey Heather thanks for connecting. Decided to stay home tonight and avoid the crazies like H. Making spaghetti squash for dinner. I like it with pasta sauce, kids like it with butter and salt. Made some fruit smoothies for lunch as well. Gotta load them up with healthy food so H's junk food doesn't have too much negative impact. Lol!
Lawyer visit was good. We went over mediation papers and property settlement. H is basing his child support offer on what he can afford in order to refinance the house. He is holding getting my name off the house as a carrot dangling in front of me. I told the lawyer then I will take half the credit card and ortho bill. I will get more in maintenance than I will have to pay for those debts. H knows that. He isnt stupid. What's funny though is that he has "lowered his income" by not working overtime (which is the income he uses to declare bankruptcy) but the income he used to calculate child support is higher than his income from last year and way higher than his income from previous years. It makes no sense. Looks like he is playing games. I asked the lawyer isn't child support based on a percentage and he said yes, usually, but apparently he wants me to sign off on a dollar amount so he can qualify for refinancing. And wants me to waive maintenance. What kills me is he expects me to pay for 52% of expenses and he pays for 48% and I have to contribute to his health care premiums plus I have to get my own insurance. How come it seems like I am the innocent party yet I am the one being punished? He makes 3 times the money I do.
I need to breathe. And then he has to call and interrupt my time with the kids. Of course it was cut short because the dog did something naughty. I'm giving that dog a treat.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
wishing, I would listen to your lawyer. It should be a joint 50/50 and he should be paying whatever the percentage is of his salary for child support, not a dollar amount. Eventually, this would cheat your children of much needed money if his salary goes up (again).
Don't settle for less...go for the gold and aim high, then negotiate for a fair settlement. Your h is hoping that you'll get tired of the games and agree to whatever he wants...that's not how divorce should work.
Happy New Year!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Deep breath is right. My friend is a massage therapist and she told me to take at least three deep breaths in a row to calm my body down. All kinds of good stuff happens when you take a deep breath--I can't remember em all now, but it works!
Sounds like you received a lot of info today. I usually need a few days, at least, to sort through it all in my head until it makes sense.
You're not alone.
I'm home with D10 tonight. We've both been down and staying in just sounded better for both of us. My H is back to his wavy MLC self and probably spending a lovely evening with OW. Found out in the last week how my inlaws are itching to meet her. They are back to blaming me for everything and gave me a candle for Christmas. Seems like waiting until we are actually divorced would make sense in terms of inviting the OW into the fam. But, that's just me.
Cuckooo.
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Thanks Snodderly. I have no intention of not listening to my lawyer. I don't know what I would do without him. I have to start all over again and he makes three times the money I do. I know he intends to have OW either move in with him or get a place together so he can split his debt. I'm not stupid. She will help him anyway she can. I told my attorney I wanted support based on a percentage not a fixed amount. What if he gets a raise or works more overtime or gets a bonus? That's not fair to me. So I am really angry right now about the unfairness of this situation. I need to regroup and refocus.
Yes Heather. I am sure H is getting ready to pound them down with OW. I hope he gets one heck of a hangover. It would serve him right.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Where I live, support is based on a calculator. It's done by how much each of you takes home and takes into account the amount spent on child care and health insurance. I intend to include verbiage that says that if either one of us gets a raise, the support has to be recalculated in 30 days. Not sure that helps you but it should be a ratio of his vs her salary. My sister's ex makes almost $500k/year and he pays support plus 85% of expenses b/c my sister is a teacher and he outmakes her by more than 10 to 1. She also get a pre-tax percentage of his bonuses. Just food for thought.
Your children should not have to change their lifestyle because he decided to leave. That's HIS problem. They should not have to suffer because of his poor choices.
GG
You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. -Christopher Robin to Pooh
Romans 12:12 Rejoice in your hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer.
