Subguy, imagine yourself already doing your 180's, and see how you feel. The power of your imagination is incredible.
How do items 5-6 relate to your M? Also, think of specific actions to execute your 180's.
I'm having a hard time too...It's the holidays. Hope you enjoy the time with your son tonight.
Well lol I feel asleep on him. Ooppss my bad, he said the movie wasn't that good so I did not miss much. I really tried staying awake.
#5 definitely relates to my marriage, I think I was inattentive to a lot of things going on around me. Point me in the direction I need to go and then I'll be the life of the party. Inattentive to my surroundings, maybe I could have seen the warning signs and reacted quicker, maybe not. #6 Before she dropped the bomb I would have NEVER went to see a counselor. That would have been for whimps and other such drivel. So far the money I spend on the counselor has been the best money I have ever spent. My pride has been pretty much destroyed at this point. I hope it never comes back in the same arrogant way. I have been reaching out to friends and so far a few have really helped me. I owe them my sanity and possibly even more. This one is more for me than anything. So far my wife refuses to see a "shrink", I hope she finds the peace she is looking for.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
I am in the same boat as far as not really getting any info from my w on what went wrong. My 180's are similar to yours other than the anger part. I am wondering with the apologies, do you need to also be more thankful to her. That is one thing that I have been doing.
I think a big part of it for me is that she has lost the attraction for me. It isn't one thing that I did consistently, but many little things over the years that slowly closed her heart to me.
So now every time I interact with her I try to make deposits in her emotion bank, not necessarily her love bank, as I think that would be seen as pursuit. I am ready for this to take awhile to get her heart to open back up for me.
I have not thought about being thankful but it makes sense, she did keep this family running like a well oiled clock. I think one of her LL's is positive affirmation. Good point, I'll add it to my list.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Hey subguy...keeping you and your family in my thoughts and sending out positive energy for you.
I like to say thank you, for stuff that I would have taken for granted before. Like today, H put my skis in my car. I made sure to thank him for doing it and say it was very nice. He is not there yet lol. He still looks at me suspiciously when I do things like give him a coffee to go :P It's the consistency in behaviour, I think, that will tell.
Well I thought I would work on my goals this weekend but... everyone here knows it pretty much suxx this weekend. Well, I'm gonna try to do a little tonight as I wait for my kids to come home.
Relaxing is the toughest part through all of this. I need to learn some relaxation techniques.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Just found out that my wifes car is broken and will cost her $3,000 to repair. My heart says to swoop in and be the Knight in shinning armor: my brain, my IC and this board says she has to stand on her own and figure it out. So... I am going to keep myself out of it. By the way she did not tell me, my children told me. She said she does not want to come back because of money(she said this right before she moved out).
Thank you bug, I hope your Christmas is a great one. This one is not in my top ten but it's not the worst one either. This one has been the most stressful but def. not the worst.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Tori I have no idea how much money she has. I know we split our savings about 8k each. I think she put some money away before she left. Looking back at our accounts I do not see any money from her cash accounts, in her business, being put away. I would understand if she did, as I'm sure she was scared about making it on her own. She told me she would have left a few years ago except for the money part (I think that is more script talking than anything).
Well the kids are still asleep and I'm gonna let them stay that way. Lord please give me the strength to not cry or make a jerk of my self in front of my children. I don't want to make a speech about the situation or their mother. Please let my mind relax and enjoy the moment. Smile, Smile, Smile.
Merry Christmas Tori, I hope yours is a good day.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Thank you, Subguy. And hey, if you cry, it's OKAY. Let your emotions be or they'll come back even stronger. Do not make a speech, though. Just focus on the kids.
Yeah, the money thing seems like one of those hurtful things the WAS's say.
Okay I'm feeling pretty pathetic right now. I'm trying to make a dinner for the kids and it is nothing like my wife made for us. I really am not feeling good today. Well, i hope they appreciate the fact that i tried.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
