Thanks Bug, I really hope so. Subguy was that to Ruby? Yes it is sad though but such is life, I guess.
I had a pretty crappy day today. Spent hours trying to get stuff worked out only to be told I needed a different type of paperwork,. Pretty much wasted my whole day,.. Kind of, I just sat there and day dreamed for over two hours. lol the best bit is although H did keep popping in to my head, he was not my main focus.
H called today and we talked for about half an hour. It's nice to hear his voice but it does appear to be loosing it's meaning. I have been remembering a lot of the bad and not so much of the good. My marriage is over, I know that now. If H and I do ever R, Which I highly doubt, It would have to be a totally new R.
I love the quite. When the kids are in bed or at school, I like not having any electronic noise. I do enjoy music and watching a few shows/ movies here and there but I find the quiet so peaceful, Calming even.
I feel a little bit strange right now. Not quite happy, not quite sad. Not quite content but not quite discontent. I don't feel numb but kinda neutral. I'm not quite feeling afraid but kind of curious.. I'm not excited but not feeling disappointed either. It's kind of like "I just am" If that makes sense? Yeah, just feeling "strange"
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
Okay SS had my second GAL activity for this week. I went to a divorce care bible study. I cried and another guy cried as well, he lifted me up in a positive way. I think I'm gonna like this class. Now to work on GAL for next week.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
That's awesome Subguy. How often is the class? Even just having one RL friend who is going through the same thing can help so much, I think.
Well, I went out tonight but it was with family again. I really need to start GAL with friends as well. I found out H is taking someone away on the weekend. It hurt and I was pissed. My instinct was to call and question him but that would have achieved nothing but him probably denying it. Also I don't even think I want to know any more. It's none of my business and screw him any way.
What I'm surprised about is how much my emotions actually calmed down and how it's not as big of a deal as if first felt. That is a big 180 for me because I used to let my emotions drive me. It actually, surprisingly feels really good this way. I like it.
H called again tonight, I'm finding there's just not much to talk about these days. I'm not interested in telling him all about my life, Not wanting to ask him questions, So I don't have much to say..
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
H called again tonight, I'm finding there's just not much to talk about these days. I'm not interested in telling him all about my life, Not wanting to ask him questions, So I don't have much to say..
Hi SS. I feel the same way these days. Right now this is how we feel. Although it will probably change, I think we should enjoy the peace.
Good to hear things are a bit more calm for you now!
Together for 8,5 years. S2 Interest in OM. She left 29.09.12 b/c we couldn't work things out. No signs of OM, not digging. Living in seperate homes, sharing custody.
SS, you're making this awfully easy on him. He's taking someone away for the weekend but you're still chatting with him on the phone in the evenings? I don't think you should be sharing your life with him (ie. going dim.) And since you're not asking him questions, I can't think of a reason to talk. If he wants to know about the kids, you can hand them the phone. Otherwise, it seems like email or text would be a good form of communication at this point.
SS - just dropped by to send some respect your way, pass some along for you uncle.
He told you that people can only make you feel a certain way if you let them.
Today was a bad day for me, but being reminded of those words helped me go through the day pretty well, considering.
Together for 8,5 years. S2 Interest in OM. She left 29.09.12 b/c we couldn't work things out. No signs of OM, not digging. Living in seperate homes, sharing custody.
Thanks everyone. I'm not ignoring your posts, I just haven't felt the need to post here. CV I don't know 100% but I'm pretty shour he did? Either way, I'm done with the one sided friendship, except he called me about one of his close family members who are sick. If its concerning that or she does pass away, I will be there for him but only as a friend. That is as much for me as it is for him. For me to be true to myself I couldn't not be there for him at a time like that. That is if he even wants me there. I am very close to her too. I'm not totally detached but I think I'm doing pretty darn good. I go for over an hour at times now, without thinking of H or my sitch. I don't feel the need to talk to him. Thanks Subguy, I'm finding this whole controlling my emotions to be quite empowering. It still takes work but I'm loving the feeling when I get there. Not letting anyone have control over your emotions is just,.. Amazing! I have been trying to teach this to D9 as her and S8 have been fighting quite a bit lately. Mostly due to S8 trying to push her buttons. Well D9 kept coming and dobbing on S8 for the pettiest of things, until I said "D this is getting very annoying!" She replied "Well how can it be annoying if you don't let it be annoying?" Lol She sure put me in my place. Haha
Had a pretty good weekend. Actually H did confuse me a little last night. He sent about 4 messages, asked what I was doing, ended with "You not talking to me?" I replied a little later and told him I was listening to music, Dancing with the kids, making French toast and drinking bourbon. Well he sent a smart message about me having a couple of drinks and now I can't drive. So I ignored it, heard a few more messages come through but didn't check them. He called about half am hour later and preceded to tell me about the sick family member. He was crying which is not like him at all, Usially he would only cry if somebody had actually passed away. Maybe it was guilt? I don't know but I'm not too interested either. If its guilt, then he should know better.
I find now I think I wish it didn't come to this but not about what I can do to fix it. I think the damage has been done. If he treated me better to begin with than it might have been different. I actually think my self confidence is slowly coming back. My PMA is SO much better. It's sooo much more relaxing around here these days. Sunday the kids were playing with a friend most of the day and I pretty much done nothing until late afternoon. It's the first time I have done that since my kids were born, without feeling guilty! Hey I'm entitled to have a day to myself. I like not having egg shells on the ground!
I'm finding it strange that you can love someone so much but not like them at all. It's pretty bazzar to me.
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
It's great to hear that you're having some better days! Everyone who has been down this road says it's a process. Not short, not easy, but better in the end. I hope so. I'm not sure when the "oddness" of it goes away, if ever. We spend so much of our life envisioning our future one way, then when we get there and it doesn't look like we imagined, it must be odd. Sort of like in the sci-fi movies where a guy comes home and his W isn't his W and his kids aren't his kids but they all act like it and he thinks he's losing his mind (usually it's the H in the movies.)
I'm glad you're going dark (except for the sick family member.) He's doing a little too much cake-eating from my perspective.
Sorry RT inadvertent hug came your way.