Not sure where I belong...STBX has regrets.

[Shelby]

"And as much as that idea excites me it also scares me. Because to him it maybe just sex but to me it would mean opening up my heart again. I have to do this slow. I can't afford to get hurt again by him. "

I feel like I need to respond to him. Does that sound like a good response ?

[Wendylon]

But if I tell him that will be get fed up with Persuing me ???
I don't want that either.

It that's all it could take for him to stop pursuing you then I don't think he's worth it! I'm not saying you should put him off but make him work/put effort and time into winning you back. Even for your own sake, proceeding slowly seems wise.

Well done holding your ground!

[Shelby]

Thank you !! I feel better now.

I'm just afraid to make any mistakes right now that might scare him off.

Although half the time I don't even know if I have lost my mind in wanting him back. I guess that's just another reason to take this slow.

[Shelby]

Wow. So I sent STBX the message saying I wasn't ready to take it to that level and he replied. "It wouldnt be just sex i would be making love to you,Sometimes you just have to say WTF" not sure what that meant. Anyways I replied. "I wasn't ready for sex I needed to protect myself first, besides you are still living with OW"

Well I didn't hear from him again yesterday. He was supposed to come to the house and work on the house. The girls were both wondering where he was. I told them they needed to text him and ask. He replied his back was hurting and said sorry I won't be over today.

Now I am saying WTF. I guess he didn't get what he wanted and went back in to his tunnel.

Not sure what to think. Unless he says he went back to break it off with OW, he is really showing his true self. He is saying all the right things. But his actions aren't stepping up to his words.

[Soul.Searching]

Thank you !! I feel better now.

I'm just afraid to make any mistakes right now that might scare him off.

Although half the time I don't even know if I have lost my mind in wanting him back. I guess that's just another reason to take this slow.

I know the feeling. I wish I had some advise.

Wow. So I sent STBX the message saying I wasn't ready to take it to that level and he replied. "It wouldnt be just sex i would be making love to you,Sometimes you just have to say WTF" not sure what that meant. Anyways I replied. "I wasn't ready for sex I needed to protect myself first, besides you are still living with OW"

Well I didn't hear from him again yesterday. He was supposed to come to the house and work on the house. The girls were both wondering where he was. I told them they needed to text him and ask. He replied his back was hurting and said sorry I won't be over today.

Now I am saying WTF. I guess he didn't get what he wanted and went back in to his tunnel.

Not sure what to think. Unless he says he went back to break it off with OW, he is really showing his true self. He is saying all the right things. But his actions aren't stepping up to his words.

My H wanted the same thing and when I declined, he just pulled further away. I just don't understand men sometimes.

[Shelby]

I know, Lisa.7, me either. So confused. He says the right things. He even cried Friday, saying how he wanted us back, how me made mistakes. I turn him down for sex and he withdraws again.

By the way the sex would have been at his parents house, who are away. Can we say tacky. We aren't teenagers any more. Take me out first. We haven't even had a "date" or anything yet.

Jeez the more I think about the more I wonder about all of this.

[Soul.Searching]

Yeah! That's how my H was. All our conversations led back to sex and he just doesn't see what I wouldn't want to. He doesn't understand that I would LOVE to but that it would hurt so much and I'd feel "used" how about dating and worrying about "us" not just sex.

[Shelby]

That's exactly it. I would feel so hurt and used. I have to protect myself first. Believe me I would love to too, but the time has to be right. I need to feel sure this is moving in the right direction. Or I would feel used. Ecspecially when he leaves and goes back home with his OW. Maybe if and when they are really done it will be different.

I don't know I should tell him all that or if it even matters or what ?
Confused as always !

[RegretfulLA]

I would tell him that. What do you have to lose?

check out scaredsilly's thread. Her H came back to her and I think they are reconciling, but she really thought about it very carefully.

I have to tell you that my H and I had sex about 4 times after we separated. Very different sitch - it more like 2 months, not 2 years. I thought we really connected during those times and at first we'd talk a lot afterwards when we were both vulnerable and could communicate better. I went into it knowing though that it didn't mean we were getting back together, and eventually, I started to feel a little cheap.

Now we are still not 100% back together but making progress. No sex, but he allows me to cuddle with him and rub his back. Probably better for both of us to take it slow.

[Shelby]

Thanks. I just did. Now to see if he response.
Before I would be obsessing over it. Now, I know I deserve more, if he isn't willing to be that person ill just keep waiting.

Ill look up scaredsillys thread too.

Thank you !