Wow, the description of your growth is truly inspiring. You sind like this has been a painful, but really worthwhile experience. Plus, I like the word "jackassery" and might borrow it
I think the most important lessons i've learned or am learning is patience, selflessness and whats truly important. What was I before? I was selfish as a husband, with money, as a lover, as a friend. I worried about me first and if there was anything left then others, I had no patience for anyone not acting the way 'I' thought they should and used anger and general j@ckassery (my word LOL) To make sure that I got my way. I can tell you that as much as I pray my marriage works out, im at least glad that going through this has killed the old me and made me re-examine my life.
Gee, I thought you were talking about me for a moment. I guess there is a common reason why this is happening to us and as you said, what we're getting out of it is immense. Thanks for this uplifting post on this Saturday (Friday to you). Have a good weekend Carnac.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
I can tell you that as much as I pray my marriage works out, im at least glad that going through this has killed the old me and made me re-examine my life.
Wow, it's eery to read that because that's exactly what I told my W during MC. I said in a very real and literal sense the experience killed the old me and allowed the new me to spring up in his place. Right after BD I literally felt like I was dying. My heart may not have stopped beating, but part of me really did die and disappear and I doubt it will ever come back. The reborn version of me sees life from a completely different perspective and realizes that the things that the old me counted as important really weren't. The new me values family and friends instead of objects and things. The frustrating thing is that now I'm the H that W wanted all along, but now that she can have exactly what she wanted she won't consider it (at least, not yet).
Rough: I've been here occasionally reading but haven't posted much because there's really just not anything to tell. We still have not really had a single conversation since we seperated. I see her often and we're in the same places and are cordial, but she obviously tries to avoid me so I don't press it. Im living life each day with a smile on my face and an empty spot in my heart/soul but it gets easier all the time.
Anotherstander: Its a common theme isn't it? That you become what they claim to have always wanted yet they want nothing to do with you. For my part I will say that if we ever have a chance to work this out its simply going to take time and consistency of her SEEING me be different. I haven't once tried to tell her what im doing differently or how I feel different, I simply hope that my life shows that im someone she would like to get to know. And honestly even though we're ony 4 1/2 months in it would be necessary for us to get to know one another again. Im so different than I was.....the old me creeps in just a bit once in a while, but its becoming much easier to recognize because I dislike what it looks like so much.
I will say the only real issue I have with my life right now is that loneliness I spoke of before for closeness with someone. My friends and their wives are awesome and have really been great to me, but there is still always going to be an emptiness until I start seeing either my wife or someone down the road. Im not great at doing alone and really dont have any interest in long term singleness (is that a word?) but not because im clingy or needy, but im very social and want someone to talk to and share with and be shared with.
But life is good, so im smiling and have lots to look forward too.....for those of you that have been in this situation longer i've got a question for you. ( I know the answer I think...just want confirmation). Im thining of booking a cruise for March for my son and I during spring break....but dont know what that means if she and I are back together or trying to get back together when that time comes. Obviously I'd hate to do that and we start working things out, but in the same breath Im not willing to wait forever to 'live' on the off chance she decides to work things out.....thoughts?
Rough: I've been here occasionally reading but haven't posted much because there's really just not anything to tell. We still have not really had a single conversation since we seperated. I see her often and we're in the same places and are cordial, but she obviously tries to avoid me so I don't press it. Im living life each day with a smile on my face and an empty spot in my heart/soul but it gets easier all the time.
Anotherstander: Its a common theme isn't it? That you become what they claim to have always wanted yet they want nothing to do with you. For my part I will say that if we ever have a chance to work this out its simply going to take time and consistency of her SEEING me be different. I haven't once tried to tell her what im doing differently or how I feel different, I simply hope that my life shows that im someone she would like to get to know. And honestly even though we're ony 4 1/2 months in it would be necessary for us to get to know one another again. Im so different than I was.....the old me creeps in just a bit once in a while, but its becoming much easier to recognize because I dislike what it looks like so much.
I will say the only real issue I have with my life right now is that loneliness I spoke of before for closeness with someone. My friends and their wives are awesome and have really been great to me, but there is still always going to be an emptiness until I start seeing either my wife or someone down the road. Im not great at doing alone and really dont have any interest in long term singleness (is that a word?) but not because im clingy or needy, but im very social and want someone to talk to and share with and be shared with.
But life is good, so im smiling and have lots to look forward too.....for those of you that have been in this situation longer i've got a question for you. ( I know the answer I think...just want confirmation). Im thining of booking a cruise for March for my son and I during spring break....but dont know what that means if she and I are back together or trying to get back together when that time comes. Obviously I'd hate to do that and we start working things out, but in the same breath Im not willing to wait forever to 'live' on the off chance she decides to work things out.....thoughts?
Book the cruise. Worry about the 'what ifs' IF they occur. Don't borrow problems from the future.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I did a trip about 8 months after D day. All by myself. First time in my life. It was scary... But it was one of those life changing moments. For the better.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Im so different than I was.....the old me creeps in just a bit once in a while, but its becoming much easier to recognize because I dislike what it looks like so much.
Im thining of booking a cruise for March for my son and I during spring break....but dont know what that means if she and I are back together or trying to get back together when that time comes. Obviously I'd hate to do that and we start working things out, but in the same breath Im not willing to wait forever to 'live' on the off chance she decides to work things out.....thoughts?
I know what you mean about not liking the "old me" that creeps in once in a while. It's like meeting a totally different person. How could we have lived with this?
Book the cruise mate. If by the time it comes around your sitch has changed, I'm sure you'll think of something. It's only money,isn't it? I know for myself, if my W came back, I'd totally leave the house for which I just had to pay two years upfront just to get out of this town and be where we wanted to be and as far away from OM as possible.
Cheers Mate!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Denver: Your post gave me a huge smile.....your exactly right im gonna work hard on not borrowing anymore problems. I spend way too much time and energy on what ifs...going to work hard on the right nows for a while.
