Gave the reins to God tonight ..... whatever will be, will be.... Another great session with my counselor tonight. Thankfully, when I called yo make my first appt God must have been directing me to my therapist this time. Not only because he seems to pull things from me that are helpful, but because he is a very spiritual person himself. I always seem to gain so much strength after my session with him, and after church. When I left tonight - I said to God - my life is in your hands to mold me the person you need me to be.
Otherwise nothing more to report much. Last night X shot me a few texts asking if my appt was tonight and what time. Im sure he wanted to see if he could switch nights or something since it was the GFs bday. Maybe not. Picked C up on my way through. X came out to see the damage to my car. Went back into the house. Absolutely no contact with him today. The whole thing was weird to me.
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
Hello all - So after I got home Wednesday night, I couldnt sleep. Usually I read a book that I started "Wild at Heart" that my councelor asked me to read - but I decided for some reason that I wanted to read up on "standing for your marriage" on the internet. The first couple of pages I brought up didnt interest me much. The third one hit me. Hard. And I do believe it was the sign that I needed.
The topic on Google was "there is hope for troubled marriages". Even though Im not married any longer, I opened it. It spoke of adultery, and Satan, and how God never wants anyone to divorce,and there were alot of verses. I continued to read until I got to the bottom of the page - and thats where it hit me. It stated that if you are standing for your 2nd marriage that I must lay down my will and seek Gods will. I need to ask him if he wants me to stand for marriage restoration. That Jesus will speak clearly to my heart and my spirit, and that I will know what he wants me to do. Some divorces are stopped on the day it is final, and others are allowed to go through, only to be restored after the divorce. I need to place X and marriage in HIS hands - it is the only way I will know what God wants me to do.
My first thought when I read this was wow. I gave everything to God on the way home Wednesday night, only to bring this page up later. I think THIS was the sign I needed.
Yesteday I spoke to X asking if he was going to the homecoming parade since C was walking with the Boy Scouts. He said that he was thinking about going, and what time did it start? I told him I would have to make sure, I knew C had to be there by 6. He then led the conversation into the accident,and if I had taken the car for estimates yet. Told him that I would call later to let him know what time the parade started.
I called later and left him a VM the parade started at 6. Then called about 15 minutes to since I hadnt heard from him. He thanked me that I called since he had fallen asleep. I told him I was going to park my car in the school parking lot, then just walk down in front of the school to watch the parade if he wanted to meet me.
We had nice converations about my daughter, how well she is doing in school now, her coming home this weekend. He said he was proud of her for turning herself around. We spoke of work, the car again - everything. It was a nice 45 minutes that we were able to share. As the parade was ending, we started walking back to get C in the parking lot. As we were walking, one of my friends BF was taking photos for the local paper. So I stopped to talk to him for a minute, and was surprised that X stayed back with me instead of excusing himself to tell C goodbye and taking off. Mind you, this person that I had stopped to talk to - X never cared much for him because he thought that he had the "hots" for me. So it really took me by surprise that he stayed back. Anyway, I said to the guy - B, you remember S right? They shook hands, and spoke for a couple minutes, I told the friend to say hello to his GF - then we were on our way to get C.
We get back to where C was, he gave him a hug and kiss, told him he loved him and have a good night. All in all I thought it was a good night.
My sweet D will be back in town sometime this morning/afternoon. I am meeting her for lunch and then we are going to hang out until I have to get C. I am so, so excited to see her. Not sure what we have planned for the night, or tomorrow - but then Sunday C and I are headed to Green Bay for the game. I cant tell you all how excited C is. Hes been counting down the days every morning. Its good to see his smile on his beautiful face. Happy Friday all!
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
The only problem I have with this is you are in such a fragile state, how can you determin what God is telling you? When I was going through my divorce, I took EVERYTHING as a sign from God that he wanted us back together.
You are going to go through a lot of hurt this route. If you really trust in God's will, it will happen as long as you let go. Problem, is, you have not let go.
The only problem I have with this is you are in such a fragile state, how can you determin what God is telling you? When I was going through my divorce, I took EVERYTHING as a sign from God that he wanted us back together.
You are going to go through a lot of hurt this route. If you really trust in God's will, it will happen as long as you let go. Problem, is, you have not let go.
Brian, I can tell you that I have let go.. Sure I would be lying if I told you that I dont want us any long, cause I do. But I can tell you with all honesty I HAVE let go. I no longer worry about what they are doing. If shes there. If he thinks of me. I KNOW he is with her. Nothing I can do to change his mind. It is what it is. But I am standing for my marriage? Yes - because I believe we still have that chance.
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
You sound much stronger than you ever have MrsD. It sounds like you are moving ahead as well. I'm glad to hear that and I'm glad that X still comes around and shows interest in your life somehow. I think that finally you are on the right track. Keep it up girl. (and thanks for dropping by - I really appreciate)
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
I don't believe it is God's will to "stand" for a marriage that is over. I've seen others (and I disagree with this, too) stand for YEARS while their supposedly-MLC spouse cheats, unrepentently, but they are at least still MARRIED.
Perceiving yourself to be "standing" for a marriage that is over, in my opinion (from reading all of your posts these past several weeks), will only hold you back from letting go and healing.
Im standing because I think it can be restored in time. Not for the marriage that I was in - but in one that is better than what I had before. BECAUSE I AM FIXING MYSELF. Whether or not it is with my X, thats not known though at this time - but I do hope that it could be with X.
I think that I have let go, and I think I am in the process of healing. The past couple weeks I have felt much more stronger than I have since the beginning of all of this. Sure I have been on the rollercoaster, but its not as hilly and dippy, but its getting better. Last Friday was probably the worst. But this week has been different. I know Im going to be ok. This is something that I wasnt sure of when this all started. But I AM GOING TO BE OK.
(enter the cheerleaders with a big wahoo!!)
Im going to be ok Starsky.
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
Im standing because I think it can be restored in time. Not for the marriage that I was in - but in one that is better than what I had before. BECAUSE I AM FIXING MYSELF. Whether or not it is with my X, thats not known though at this time - but I do hope that it could be with X.
That is the right attitude that will save you the most pain. If it is god's will for you to end up back with your ex, then it WILL happen. As you are showing now, the focus needs to be on you. Good job Mrs D.
MrsD: Keep smiling and working hard you've come an awfully long way in the last month or so...keep the good vibes going and keep moving forward. How was the game?
