Suppo! It's been a while. How are things mate? Still have started a new thread?
Things are going Brother! Not sure where...LoL...But they're going! Not much movement, but I am "SUPER" fine with that, because it means that things haven't digressed. I have been doing better each day, but still have crappy thoughts once in awhile during each day. We are currently, I guess in the game of "Distancer Chicken" so to speak, but I am good with that. It gives me time to continue working on myself & allows God to continue working on both of us individually behind the scenes
I have to remind myself that I am very early into this based on the timelines of others, and remind myself that it took me a long time to get myself into this mess with my W, so it will most likely take a long time for the hurt I have caused her to heal.
No, I haven't started a new thread yet. Was just kind of lurking behind the scenes and reading. I will most likely start one soon, but for now will post on others & bring back the Cheerleading.
Glad to hear you guys are doing well. I guess I would have to say I am as well. Spent alot of time reflecting with my therapist last night and im actually in a really good place right now. Im still sad about the demise of my marriage and am ready and willing to try and improve that if and when she decides to, but .......and here it comes....im sure Denver's gonna like this one because i've resisted saying this for so long....
Im going to be fine either way at this point. Whatever the outcome of this is, im going to be a happy person who enjoys life....and quite honestly, whatever the outcome of this is its going to take a while before Im that happy person. If we start working this out its going to take a while and if we don't work this out its going to take a while to get over, but I already feel better and smile more than I have in an awful long time.
Don't worry guys, im still committed like you wouldnt believe to saving my marriage, but i'm slowly accepting that its possible nothing I do will change the eventual outcome. Im still hopeful and hate for this post to sound like a downer because honestly im in a pretty good place today, but just like others have learned....she may have hardened herself so much toward me that nothing I do will change anything right now. Who knows...thats not what I want but i'll smile and love her through whatever until I decide IM done with it.
I do like it Carnac! And that was a VERY positive post. Very nice...
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Yes mate. It's great to hear you talking (see you writing?) like this. I guess I also know you're right about this but some of us take longer to learn . I like your attitude Carnac. Keep it up!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Hey Carnac - just checking in to see how things are?? I havent been on much, but it doesnt look like you have either. Hope all is well for you. Take care.
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
MrsD: Things are good, thanks for checking. Nothing new on the home front....she continues to act as though I don't exist and I continue to smile and love her regardless. I know she's trying to 'detach' from me and feels as though she must because her shrink told her she was co-dependent and apparently in her world that is always a bad thing. Obviously I think too much of it can be a bad thing, but I guess im of the belief that humans...and more importantly spouses DO need one another and need at least some co-dependency in their life. Anyway, its nothing at all that I can control, but I know for a fact that she wants to detach from me as possible and she's doing this by basically acting as if I don't exist apart from helping her create a son I guess.
I don't really know its been a pretty weird ride the last week or two. On the one hand I really feel good about me in general, on the other hand im not sure anything i've done is making any difference to her and I dont have any idea where to go from here. I've tried really hard as of late to not let bitterness and resentment set in....I can feel those two demons working on me pretty hard right now. Not because she's not necessarily willing to try and save our marriage, thats really her choice to make, but more because of the way I feel i've been treated in the 4 months since we split up...I guess I feel like 15 years later I deserve to at least be treated cordially.
I guess its part of her detaching im not really sure, but she's been extra distant and cold toward me. Other than very brief interactions about our son we haven't had a conversation in over a month. Nothing more than hello how are you...and even that isnt very common. Saturday my son had a football game and as they were leaving afterward she said see you later or something like that over her shoulder and that was the complete extent of our interactions.
Maybe I shouldn't care, but it has and does bother me that it seems as though its been so incredibly easy for her to be done with this....im sure she would say differently that its built up for years....and I know about mind reading and all the rest I welcome the 2 x 4's because im stuck. Im in no mans land....I really wanna stand for my marriage and I really want to put my family back together and in the same breath...im really lonely for someone to give a crap about me. I can get by without sex....I can get by without anything physical....but im really struggling with not having anyone to care about and to care about me. My best friends wife and I talk occasionally and I really enjoy it, but I dont wanna enjoy that too much for me or for her so I try to limit that all I can. I've thought of asking someone to dinner, but I don't know how that would work...im married. I dont mean to sound so woe is me and melancholy because I know so many of you have stood for much longer than I have....im more looking for how the heck you made it. Im doing well with GAL and working on me etc....but how did you get by without intimacy? I've got friends that care don't get me wrong, and i've got family that cares...but i've always been one who wants to have someone to talk to daily....to go to dinner with....to just know is there if you want to talk.....
Where you at Denver? How did you get through this part?
Im in no mans land....I really wanna stand for my marriage and I really want to put my family back together and in the same breath...im really lonely for someone to give a crap about me. I can get by without sex....I can get by without anything physical....but im really struggling with not having anyone to care about and to care about me.
Yeah, I'm in the same boat mate. I miss my W like crazy but it's the best friend in her that I miss most of all, and just someone caring for me, I guess. I'd be curious to hear how others deal with it as well.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Im with the both of you. Atleast you all have something that you are workinv for. I have a marriage that is no longer. And an ex-husband that has a Gf. And I have all of these feelings of "Hey. Look at me. Im fixing myself. Im making myself a better person. This ie what you wanted 11 weeks ago. Hello? Im here? I can continue to work on me as we work in us together ". But in the end. I have nothing. Atleast you guys still have a chance to be with your wives, you know???? Dont give up. Dont. Give up.
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
MrsD: Thanks for the encouragement. Its certainly coming at the right time for me because right now I just dont see how its ever going to work out and I feel myself getting closer to throwing in the towel. But your exactly right....i'm still married and nothing has been filed so at least today there's hope.
Maybe I shouldn't care, but it has and does bother me that it seems as though its been so incredibly easy for her to be done with this....im sure she would say differently that its built up for years....and I know about mind reading and all the rest I welcome the 2 x 4's because im stuck. Im in no mans land....I really wanna stand for my marriage and I really want to put my family back together and in the same breath...im really lonely for someone to give a crap about me.
That's my struggle as well. My W said over and over again that she wanted to be best friends, and I thought that would be beneficial because DR says to try and be your spouse's best friend when things fall apart. Plus it would be nice just to know she still cares at some level. But since she moved out she's become more and more distant. I went dim to try and give her space, but she seems to be using that to push even farther away. I don't have any 2x4's for you because I feel like you're doing the right thing and so am I. Does it hurt? Oh yes indeed. But is there a purpose? Yes there is. Our wives need time and space to sort through their thoughts. They think we're the source of every single problem in their lives. They have rewritten history. They need to think about all this, sort it out and (hopefully) come to the realization that the M is worth saving. And they need to do it with absolutely no input from us at all. So while this is a dark, painful time for both of us, it's a required step in the recovery process. You can at any time decide it's not worth the pain and suffering and drop the rope, that's always a choice. But maybe some more time is all that is needed. It seems WAW's need 6 months or more before the fog lifts. That's the "target" I've set, I'm not really expecting to see any progress for the next few months but I'm hoping to start to see some baby steps by then. We'll see.
. I like your attitude Carnac. Keep it up!