Stay still RoRo - this is just one of those crossroads - and if you trust your intuition and wait for it to tell you what you need to do or say, the right thing will come to you right in the moment.
but if you continue to worry - you're blocking it. so just relax - there's no urgency or hurry, don't you think?
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
Stay still RoRo - this is just one of those crossroads - and if you trust your intuition and wait for it to tell you what you need to do or say, the right thing will come to you right in the moment.
but if you continue to worry - you're blocking it. so just relax - there's no urgency or hurry, don't you think?
zig
You're right, zig. There is no hurry. Just wish I felt comfortable trusting my intuition. Ever since the BD, I've second guessed everything in my life since H and I got together.
I took today off since I was in no condition to drive 45 mins to an hour on no sleep. I got up to call into work, and stayed on the couch.
H got up to go to the bathroom, and asked me in sort of a distressed voice if I had slept out here. I just shook my head no. He went back in the room. He's come out twice since, and seems to be tiptoeing around here like he thinks I'm on the edge. I told him he was welcome to come watch TV in the room if he wanted to. He said he was but hasn't come out of the room yet.
I think he thinks because I was on the couch, I don't want to be around him. (The couch was his go to place to sleep after an argument) I'm thinking about this WAY too much, and most definitely mindreading, but I'm positive this is what he's thinking.
H got up to go to the bathroom, and asked me in sort of a distressed voice if I had slept out here..... He's come out twice since, and seems to be tiptoeing around here
can you see it RoRo? not what you're thinking he might be feelling but the actions themselves?
it's the distanced/pursuer thing going on here.
lean back and keep leaning back away from him..
look at what just went down - beyond the emotional stuff and tears and tenderness.he basically told you that he's leaving anyway - you keep being there for him, he keeps leaving
not saying to do anything negative or call him on anything. just lean away from him - don't give him all that much right now - then, when you sense it's right - you can acknowledge his stuff some more. and that includes not saying things like you can watch tv in here - basically don't take care of even the smallest needs. it's not you getting back at him - it's you pulling the blanket around you and taking care of YOU
do the feral cat thing... but with the attitude that "I'm feeding myself BEFORE I fee you!"
have a good rest - you deserve it - this emotional stuff is like 5 nights of no sleep, not one. glad you did the sensible thing and not drive
((((((( )))))) zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
Zig, I don't see it as distancer/pursuer. Not in the way everyone talks about here. Others have mentioned that as well.
In all honesty, it's me that's distancing (and always have been). He's the one in the kitchen already cooking dinner for tonight. He's the one that has been doing the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. It's like a little kid doing stuff so Mommy will be proud. He basically said that last night.
Ro...If you still want you marriage, fight for it. He said himself things have been getting better. He hasn't left yet so there is still time. You seem to be doing mostly the right things. It just comes down to how much fight do you have left?
Ro...If you still want you marriage, fight for it. He said himself things have been getting better. He hasn't left yet so there is still time. You seem to be doing mostly the right things. It just comes down to how much fight do you have left?
Brian, I swear I wish I could clone you sometimes. LOL Funny how you always pop up in my thread during these times.
Honestly, I ask myself that question every day. Most days I'm fine. Days like today, not so much.
