Divorced #5. And I think Im getting it..

[labug]

And did you feel your leave-taking was rude or was the whole situation just awkward?

[Mrs D]

And did you feel your leave-taking was rude or was the whole situation just awkward?

I did feel it was rude now that I look back on it, but at the same time the conversation was going somewhere where I didnt feel comfortable and it definitely shouldnt have been going down for sure at school. I truly panicked and left. That's why I think I should text him an apology, but again, I want to do the right thing.

Also, I had another thought. He had made a comment on hiw I am now hanging with our mutual friends all the time. I think hes upset that I am. But if he would step back and possibly see the friends that I am hanging out with ARE GOOD PEOPLE. And that Ive ditched those that weren't always looking out for my best interest. What gives there?

[Carnac]

MrsD: I think after tonight you should just really avoid any interaction with him for a bit.

[Mrs D]

MrsD: I think after tonight you should just really avoid any interaction with him for a bit.

I have been trying..... can I ask why you think this?

[Mrs D]

MrsD: I think after tonight you should just really avoid any interaction with him for a bit.

I have been trying..... can I ask why you think this?

Carnac, why Im asking is because I went there not even thinkinv he was going ti be there. He reached out to us to hang out. The conversation was good until he switched it to the mutual friend conversation. Thats when I started saying whoa, this shouldnt be spoke of especially at school. I had a small anxiety moment, and felt I needed to go. I know it was rude. I couldnt help myself though.

[unbidden]

Well, I think that Carnac's point might be that if you can't rely on your ability to keep the road home smooth and instead let yourself be rude, you should avoid him or you will keep doing damage to the R. You say that you couldn't help yourself, but you really could and you know it. Be better than that.

[Mrs D]

Point taken. I will never get this right. I just wear my emotions on my sleeve. And then when Im trying not to be emotional, I act rudely.

[unbidden]

So don't interact unless you can make it positive. We've all been there. I cried and begged and decompensated. Didn't leave a great impression with my H so I just stopped until I gotta hold of myself better. You can do it. But you have to stop focusing on him. Let him do that.

[Mrs D]

Thanks Unbidden.
I didnt really think I was focused on him, except for the him not wanting to work it out comment. I guess Ill have to revisit the conversation because I don't feel I was focused on him really..

But thank you for pointing it out if I did.

[Arsene]

All of the above MrsD. I just caught up now and there is nothing left to say. The thing is, you already know all of this. you've been told countless times, you've read it in lists, threads, DR, other books. Now all you have to do, is put this knowledge in practice. You can do it but for this, I think you need to be more detached. As you said, you wear your emotions on your sleeve. you know your weakness so don't place yourself in a situation where you know you will fail. Work on that weakness and when you've got it perfected, then allow yourself to test the waters if you want. Til then? Stay away. If he starts R talk, excuse yourself and walk away. I like LaBug's reply for the comment about 95% of your friends. Do more listening and less (a lot less) talking.