New attitude, new thread

[ClingingToHope]

The weight comment wasn't about her, it was about BF, but whatever.

Interesting week done. Thursday we had a major economic event here and I was the writer and everyone was happy with my work. That night I went to my first accounting class. I'm going to be fine. I thought it was going to be a lot of data entry. Couple quizzes, couple exams, one research project. Just have to keep up.

Rough night with D10 on Wednesday. Transitioning to school was difficult. She had mostly good week. Then today she had a rough afternoon.

XW wasn't answering -- what's new -- so school called me to pick her up. They wouldn't put her on the bus.

So I left work. It took me about 15 minutes to calm her down. She was apologetic and I dropped her off at daycare and went to work.

Work on Friday is no longer easy. We have a new system that is ... super ... slow. And they've given me more responsibility to justify keeping me on salary.

XW finally calls two hours after D10 incident and she wants to know what happened.

I told her I was on deadline on a ton of stuff and there's an email out about the incident.

She gets prissy -- 'Oh, well, nice communication there.' And hangs up.

I finish up at work. Then I think about what just happened and I text her ... 'You were out of line. D10 took an hour out of my day. We now have very tight deadlines on Friday and there was an email explaining the incident.'

No response yet. I don't really want one. I want to leave it at that.

D13 had her tryouts for the fall youth play. She's been working hard. I'll be disappointed if she doesn't get a decent part.

Texting all day with OKCupid 37. Kind of flirty. Looking forward to next week's date, although she let me know she "just quit" smoking. Her profile listed her as a non-smoker.

XW was a closet smoker who hid it from me for 3 months. By then I was invested. She quit, restarted, quit, restarted. It was tiring.

If OKCupid is more of a smoker vs. non smoker I won't pursue anything.

Early in the week, I complained by email to that running race company about not getting any work. I never got any feedback. I asked them if I did something wrong running the crew.

No. They said. They just wanted to save money with local volunteers instead of paying hotel money to bring in our guys. BUT, coincidentally, they did have some work this weekend.

Really? Well, I am off this weekend so I took it. One other guy was free so two of us are going in to work a triathlon. That'll be $350.

I really, really need it to recover from my memorable summer.

Had to ditch a friend though who wanted to go out tonight. I figure with the date next week I can rest. That'll be my social highlight for a while.

[ClingingToHope]

Laying in a hotel in the Chicago burbs. Finally get some extra work at the running race company and it was the longest day ever. We had to be here at 6:45 a.m., meaning we left our town at 5:30 a.m. We didn't get released from work at the race until 8:30 p.m. at night. We didn't get to our hotel until 10 p.m.

My whole body is sore. We kept talking about whether we really wanted to do these anymore. The little league baseball umpiring is more of a time hassle for the $1,800 I made. I have to work 20 games to make up for what I get in one weekend at the running races, but at 43 my body is starting to struggle to keep up for this company. Carry chairs here, unload tables there, put up barricades over there.

Luckily, we were told we didn't have to report to work today until 11:45 a.m. So that means we're just doing cleanup and that's always easier, grab stuff and toss it on the truck.

I will admit that since this company has not used us this year and this might be our last race anyway, my attitude isn't as good. I walk at my pace not their pace. My knees and feet aren't what they used to be. It'll all get done anyway.

D13 got a callback for her latest play yesterday. This time though it was for one of the leads. The cast list will be posted today. I won't be there to celebrate. I was sad about it for a minute, but there's a rotation, I'll have my chances to be with her at other plays. I don't worry about D13 drifting away.

Plus, I'm going to get involved with this play. I haven't been involved for three years and it's become her mom's thing. Well, no more of that. I'll serve on the marketing committee, which isn't all that time consuming. Plus, I'm taking classes now at the college where the plays are performed so I'll be able to sit in on rehearsals.

It'll all be good.

[ClingingToHope]

It rained all d*mn day at the triathlon. The last two hours it just poured. I was soaked everywhere. So if it was my last race, I went out in glory.

D13 finally moved up in her theater group. She got a whole song with two other girls, so she'll have a whole scene to herself.

[ClingingToHope]

Still not where I need to be. Friday is going to be an impossible scramble with having to finish work, pick up D10 and get her home and get to the football stadium on time for my second job.

D13 has rehearsal that night and there's zero way I can get her there or pick her up.

So I messaged XW to see if she would do it since she's likely to be there anyway.

She messaged back sure, but she wanted to switch some nights. She wanted to just keep them Friday, bring them to me late Saturday and then "let" me have them next Saturday night.

Well, I'd planned on taking them to our area's big end of summer festival this Saturday during the day, D13 had a baby sitting gig at night and I have a date Saturday night.

So I don't want to mess with my Saturday plans.

As far as next week, my guess is that she's trying to clear her Saturday night next week because her birthday is Thursday and she probably wants to go drinking at her motorcycle bars with Uncle Fester.

I have consistently worked with her when it comes to her work schedule, including last week picking D10 up at her request when the bus schedule was screwed up. She's used me without my knowledge a few times to go see Uncle Fester, including back in '09 when she hadn't filed for divorce and she was still telling the girls she was trying "to decide" what to do.

That Christmas is going to be probably one of the last things I let go. We opened presents together because that's what we'd done every year. She then invited me to have dinner with her family. I took this as a positive sign, I spent a couple of hours getting myself mentally ready, and I had a great day over there.

Then at the end of the night she asked me to take the girls and the dog as well because she wanted to go to her best friend's house for a Christmas party.

That in itself hurt. She used me so she wouldn't have to drive the kids and the dog back herself. Then I found out this year she was dating Uncle Fester all of 2009 and the whole "best friend" thing was just a cover.

So I told myself back in 2010 I would not work with her on her social schedule. Figure it out. I know I probably shouldn't care and I'm working on that.

I texted back that I just need help Friday and I didn't want to switch Saturdays because I have plans. All of that is true.

If she can't help with D13 on Friday I have options. D13 is in a song with two other girls. They'll always have the same rehearsal times. I could get in touch with them and see if I could just drop her off and pick her up. A coworker said if that falls through she can get her.

Petty probably, but some things are going to take more times than others.

[ClingingToHope]

XW called. She asked about the switch. I said no. She said she'd bring D13 to and from the rehearsal Friday.

All is well.

[whatisis]

OK, whether she is asking to switch times to make way for "Uncle Fester" is neither here nor there. It's a matter of you two being co-operative with each other as long as the request is reasonable. You don't know why she's made the request anyway, you're supposing. Stop supposing and say yes or no based on your availability versus judging her need. You can date whoever you want and she can date whoever she wants. Let it go and concentrate on co-parenting and just co-parenting. That's enough to tackle with packing toxic emotion in there every time there's a request. That's my 2 cents anyway.

[SunFunOne]

Good advice Wii!

C2H: Are you listening???

Barb

[mishka422]

Very good advice Wii.

Her life is hers, your life is yours, accommodating your kids needs is all that matters.

[Drew]

Ditto.

[Drew]

"Maybe a friend turned his or her back on you. Maybe someone you loved betrayed you. We all have wounds and we end up carrying these things that people have done to us for weeks, months, and sometimes even years. It isn't always easy to forgive these people and after a while these hurts can get really heavy. So the only way to feel better seems to be somehow getting back at the people that hurt us, to get revenge. But does revenge ever truly satisfy? Maybe forgiving isn't something you do for someone else to let them off the hook. Maybe forgiveness is about you. God didn't create you to carry these wounds around. God created you to be free."