a new perspective

[Terr39]

Wow Strongerthenever,

I love your desription of what it means to be loved by a man who is willing to love. I printed it out to keep that as an inspiration to find a new love once I get over this one and get myself fixed up!
Terri

[strongerthanever]

Zumba was like woman therapy, seriously.

We were dancing to that song "stronger" and were all shouting along with the "I'm better than that" part. I was surrounded by women who were overcoming something...some weight, but for me it was fear and this sitch.

As I raised my voice and sang along I felt my power. Each time we yelled "I'm better than that" I felt as if I were singing for all of us. I was having a blast but choking back tears at the same time.

So crazy how life unfolds, ESP those unexpected moments where we feel life surrounding us wrapping us in love and support.

[needgrace]

Zumba therapy, I think we should start marketing it! Music can really be empowering. I had a special playlist on my iPod that makes me feels strong and powerful. You sound great, stronger!

[zig]

hi stronger

that zumba thing you went to sounds great. i think i'll see if there's something like that around here. was it a one time deal or do you get to go every week?

did you make a decision on what you were going to do with the paperwork by tomorrow? don't mean to reming you if you're trying to forget it, but i just wondered>

i'm puzzling a bit over my own sitch also - do i go in sort of unprepared - i haven't found a lawyer yet or even called the mediator, let alone found out a couple of things i need to know for myself. i guess i don't want to deal with it, but then at the same time realizing that i need to - old pattern i need to do a 180 on. i have been really busy this week - but i suppose i could have made time. maybe i'm sub-consciously putting it off so it gets more delayed..

i'm glad that on the whole you are sounding strong - how are things going now?

hope you've still got the zumba beat going - maybe you can get us all going on the blanket tonight

zig

[strongerthanever]

Hi girls, thanks for checking in on me.

I Zumba twice a week every other week when I don't have my girls. I didn't file the paperwork, I started it, but needed info from h. Honestly doing it made me feel awful, and it felt much better to say the hell with it and just shred everything. So that's what I did.

I have been "off" the past few days, in an emotional funk. Fall keeps poking it's head all over the place here in Colorado, a special time for our family. I have had much more difficulty stopping my thoughts lately. I miss my stronger place, but I'm only human...

Last week I was nasty with h. Once I realized that I was ok with everything, I became aware that I had not been real around him, that I always kissed his butt. he began contracting out of no where like crazy, and I just went off! Lol.

I was so sick of his pursuit and distance that I pushed against his pursuit. Even after asking myself if it was helping me achieve my goal, I said to hell with my goal, what about my sanity??? I was really pissed.

Ahhh, none the less, the clear minded me knows that anger is never the answer so I let him come over and had a positive interaction. Stupid maturity and responsibility for ones actions...you think responsibility will ever become a dying trend? Just kidding

So now the bigger me is aware of my inconstancy, and that regardless, consistent, "higher minded" actions are needed. I not need be afraid of him being around, he only has the affect on me that I allow him to have.

Forgive my absence on your threads, I've just been "off" a little. Sending you lots of love and a big group hug.

[strongerthanever]

How to drop the expectation, and move forward while maintaining hope...? Almost seems impossible. Picking ourselves up after our sacred dream has been shattered, and focusing on improving ourselves when we are still trying to figure out how to stand.

Fear, excitement, love, loss-they wash over us during that moment where we finally get to savor that one on one encounter...then they are gone again, fading into the distance. Those emotions are brought back to life, tugging st the strings of our hearts, clouding our windshields and the direction we were headed in.

Why, WAS, why? Did you sense my peace, my Serenity? The mud had settled, my rivers are calm. Did you have to go splashing in them.

Breathe. Cry. Let it all out, let go. Hold on to yourself. Top tie back to that happy place. And then you find yourself wondering all over again how to let go of the expectation while maintaining hope.

That is the heart of why we are here, hope, right? Perhaps I forgot to check my sanity at the door.

[zig]

ah stronger - you getting all poetic on us - sad smile here.

i'm in the same place - i think it's the universal vibe - time to just settle into where we are.

had a very strange feeling day myself - and could barely put the finger on what i was even feeling - still not quite sure, but i self-indulged and let myself sob - it only lasted a couple of mins - felt like it was going to last for hours, and then fell fast asleep. i swear i didn't know what i was crying for - maybe just for th epain to end...

so yes, group hug and maybe we should all gather on the blanket and be quietly together. my emotions are very quiet today - not the usual loud ones

i'm going to focus on one of my little goals tonight, to just get me through. after s and i have showers, i've suggested playing a game until we go to bed - anything to take the focus off, right

what have you planned tonight?

i'm sorry you've been in a funk - are you better now? i do hope so

{{{{{{{{{ }}}}}}}}}}

zig

[strongerthanever]

I'm better now. Evening activities = work. Blah! I've worked myself into exhautsion. I've decided to skip out on class Mon night and relax with my girls.

What's up with this funk????

It would seem so much easier if they just dissapeared-moved out of state, divorced and started some crazy new life. Then we could grieve and move on ourselves.

But then that would be saying that our happiness is dependant upon their actions-which I know is not true or healthy. But still, you know what I mean. I guess closure is what I'm seeking here, a means to an end so that the healing and regrowth can begin.

Regrowth is evident within all of us, but the buds are so young, so fresh. And it's like the WAS just stomps on them with their random appearances. Can't we put a white picket fence around them for safe keeping-or is that just a pretty version of a wall.

I think it takes some SERIOUS detachment to not care if the fence is there or not, or to not even need a fence to begin with. I waffle in my mind lately between stay the hell away and I'm happy enough that I can be friends AND be ok.

I'm not 100% sure that either decision is right, as I wonder-if I push him away and focus on me, aren't I just hurting the future possibility of us OR if I allow cordial visits, won't it just stall my happiness and forward movement (his visits leave me all jacked up)? Stupid woman emotions messing with my decision making.

1 yr of brokeness + 8 months of separation and this is where I am. What the heck?!

I'm bringing a warm blanket for all of us tonight to curl up with. I think quiet time on the blanket is in order.

[strongerthanever]

Terr39,

I just noticed your post, I'm so sry I didn't respond. Let's hope we all find that kind of love

[ndfarmer]

Stronger than ever, I just read your post on how you want to be loved. Itbrought tears. That is exactly what I wanted from my now exwife. I think its what we all want and need. I hope we all find it, either with our WAS or someone else. I have been divorced for nearly two months. It has been tough. I wouldr