How awesome that you looked HOT! See, you don't even need a makeover! (but it's sure fun to have one).
Sounds like you are good at identifying an area to analyze...about considering H's feelings.
And nothing is more attractive (to everyone) than a beautiful woman having a great time! Bravo!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
HI ROROINMD! I feel so honored that you quoted me It's great you looked hot and enjoyed yourself at the party. My suggestion about Hs insecurity with your friend. Let him know that it [censored] he felt that way. But Ro don't get too sucked into it that you want to fix it.
I had to look within myself and realize, hey! I'm the only one with the problem! Even if his friends were being distant, it had nothing to do with something I said or did. I apologized back in Dec for blocking them from FB and besides, that's really petty to be upset for something like that for so long.
I think his friends may think I'm upset with them for who knows what? I was very very angry before all this and during the discovery of the affair I was VERY VERY ANGRY! So I just need to show them my 180 self and move on.
Take care and find another opportunity for him to see you HOT! Oh and don't feed the negative dog!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Not much happening my way. Although, I wish it was, if you know what I mean. LOL I wish it was happening A LOT. LOLOL But alas, H hasn’t made a move in that direction in a while.
I mentioned this to friends, and how I was trying to come up with a way to move back in that direction – right after BD, things in the ML department were actually better than BEFORE BD. Now, not so much. I haven’t figured out why the switch back. Maybe H feels bad after we ML? Maybe he just doesn’t want to anymore. (Which I wish he would just come out and say. This was one of our issues before. He never says anything about how he’s feeling.)
One of my friends asked wouldn’t it be nice just to be in a R without everything being a guessing game. I said of course! They said they know how tiring it could be, and that my sitch seems like an ongoing chess match. I said, most of the time I don’t feel that way. I’ve just been living my life. I said most days I am happy, but I do go through phases like this, where I wonder if I should be doing something different.
I’ve learned not to DO anything most of the time, so I’m wondering if that’s what I should be doing now. I mean we’ve been getting along great. If anything, we seem closer than before, but I know looks can be deceiving. I just know I miss ML, and haven’t quite figured out how to “do what works” to bring it back into the picture.
I think my H looks to me and how I’m acting to see how he should act. If I’m happy, and upbeat, he’s happy and upbeat. If I’m down and sad, then so is he. Kinda crazy when you think about it. LOL (Is that the Pursue/Distance thing?) I know I haven’t been following the advice of my coach. I haven’t exactly been the flirty, alluring person I was 3 months ago. Funny how old habits come back to bite you in the butt. I’m turning into the old boring wife again! Gotta snap out that!
I went to dinner with a group of girlfriends on Friday, and when they asked me for an update, I could tell they were having a hard time understanding how I COULD be happy with my sitch as it is. I honestly couldn’t explain it to them. All I know is for the first time in FOREVER, I don’t have my life planned down to the minute, and I’m actually enjoying being me. I haven’t made plans ahead of time to do anything in a while, and I don’t spend every minute thinking about my sitch anymore. It is what it is. All I can do is live for me…something I’ve never done. I must admit though, it’s totally the way to go!
Anyway, enough of my rambling. Hope everyone is having a great day.
I’ve learned not to DO anything most of the time, so I’m wondering if that’s what I should be doing now. I mean we’ve been getting along great. If anything, we seem closer than before, but I know looks can be deceiving. I just know I miss ML, and haven’t quite figured out how to “do what works” to bring it back into the picture.
You said your old dynamic was to not talk about things of that type of importance, is that still ok with you? What if you brought it up to address?
Oh I never was the who was quiet. HE WAS. I probably talked too much about it, if anything. LOL I was just saying sometimes I feel like I need to do "something" to influence a change. Some very good friends told me I don't have to try and fix everything. Sometimes doing nothing is the right thing to do. I still have a hard time with that sometimes, but I'm getting better.
He's super sensitive about this because of past performance issues, so I need to be careful what I say. I never was in the past, and some of my words definitely hurt him.
H made a comment to me last night that he was too tired to take a shower night before last and thought about sleeping on the couch. But he didn't want me to think he was sleeping on the couch "on purpose", so he just got in the bed - funk and all. (I cracked up at that. LOL)
I told him I thought he had taken one, since I went to bed hours before he did. Obviously he thought I noticed or cared. Guess I could have acted like I did, but I really didn't. Just meant the sheets needed to be washed. *shrug*
Just wanted to share the foolishness and mayhem that goes on in my house. LOL
Thanks for checking in, Bug. Yes, things are "quiet". Although, there never were any explosions after BD, unless you count me going off about OW about once a month. I've managed to keep my mouth closed so far this month. LOL
I'm still not sure where we are or what we're doing. As far as I know, he's still planning to move out once he finds a job. Although, he never mentions moving out unless I ask him about it.
I know timelines are useless, but it's been about 8 months. At some point one of us has to make a decision to stay or go.
