What happened to Manitoba? We're waiting for you up here in the Great White North. Winnipeg has a baseball team...the Goldeyes. www.goldeyes.com/ Think about it
Had a wonderful evening with my friend. We sat and walked by Lake Ontario and then went out to dinner. I didn't blubber once. He listens and doesn't tell me what to do. I know that one day I feel one thing and the next something different. The one thing I have to keep in mind is that I don't have to decide anything right away. I have to process things. For so long I felt like I was on top of it all, I could handle it until the control and dependency stuff raised it's head. Now I have to process the fact that I am not Superman and cannot deal with endless stress. So I have to decide whether I think it's possible for her to contain her anal tendencies, whether I can control my pleasing tendency, whether I can handle the stress of the life she has to live, and do I have the energy to do any of it! Maybe I just want to be alone, who knows. Tomorrow it's the shrink and Friday the doctor for a sleeping pill fix. I'm thinking of approaching Pepsi to do a commercial for them "I loved Pepsi Max so much I gave up my relationship for it!" Could be big bucks in this for me. Enough for now.
First textbook already arrived. I'll have to order the second one while in Canada.
Still need to clean a bit and pack. Hotels on way up and back are booked.
Emailed attorney about accident last November. Insurance company is really dragging its feet, but I'm in no super rush for the money so we're waiting until mid-September. If they haven't made an offer then then we go file suit.
Money is a bit of an issue. This has been an amazing summer, but it's been an expensive one. I know, I know several of you told me so. Ten years from now I don't think I'll remember the money part, I'll remember the fun so I'm OK with it. It's just I'll have to be pretty frugal for rest of year.
Still messaging with OKCupid lady. Fun back and forth, but she has a lot of baggage. Married and divorced three times by age 37. EVERY person I talk to about divorce has a worse story than mine. In 20 years I'll probably think of how fortunate I was.
A simple thought has been helping lately. Every time worry or anger or bitterness rises up I say to myself, "What's my one goal in life? To conquer anger and fear. That's the greatest gift I can give my daughters and everything else will take care of itself."
And then I imagine graduating from the Master's program, what my going away party at the newspaper will be like or what my funeral will be like. I want those things to be celebrations.
Long day today. Story to write. Two photos to take. Records to enter for next week since I'm not there. A form to drop off at the college.
When I get back from Canada I start a new chapter in life. "Back To School," the ClingingToHope version.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
First textbook already arrived. I'll have to order the second one while in Canada.
Still need to clean a bit and pack. Hotels on way up and back are booked.
Emailed attorney about accident last November. Insurance company is really dragging its feet, but I'm in no super rush for the money so we're waiting until mid-September. If they haven't made an offer then then we go file suit.
Money is a bit of an issue. This has been an amazing summer, but it's been an expensive one. I know, I know several of you told me so. Ten years from now I don't think I'll remember the money part, I'll remember the fun so I'm OK with it. It's just I'll have to be pretty frugal for rest of year.
Still messaging with OKCupid lady. Fun back and forth, but she has a lot of baggage. Married and divorced three times by age 37. EVERY person I talk to about divorce has a worse story than mine. In 20 years I'll probably think of how fortunate I was.
A simple thought has been helping lately. Every time worry or anger or bitterness rises up I say to myself, "What's my one goal in life? To conquer anger and fear. That's the greatest gift I can give my daughters and everything else will take care of itself."
And then I imagine graduating from the Master's program, what my going away party at the newspaper will be like or what my funeral will be like. I want those things to be celebrations.
Long day today. Story to write. Two photos to take. Records to enter for next week since I'm not there. A form to drop off at the college.
When I get back from Canada I start a new chapter in life. "Back To School," the ClingingToHope version.
Whats going to prevent you from getting into this situationagain? Maybe 3x divorce lady would be a good gf, because she may not want to go through the heartbreak or pain of a big relationship blow out again.
Stuff pretty much packed and ready. Some things to take care of in the morning. Doing some last minute stuff on the computer and D13 forgot to log off FB, so when I click on it I'm on her page and there's XW posting pics of herself in Sturgis with Uncle Fester.
I logged out of D13's page quickly, but still enough to give me a jolt.
I know there's going to be stress over the next eight days, but it's going to be an excellent wrap up to the summer.
And when I get back, the new grad school chapter opens.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
C2H : I hope you enjoy Canada (my home and native land)! I also hope the vacation truly DOES give you a new attitude. As your thread suggests - but not what we're reading.
You have to accept this new situation - it IS what it IS. You are divorced. Ex can be with whoever she wishes to be with you. Just as you can date. But instead - you focus on this guy and how much you don't want to see him, talk about him etc - to the point your kids have to pussyfoot around you. It is only going to get worse until you let go and focus on your own life.
And it might mean more counselling. In fact - after all this time of being angry - it does mean it will take more counselling. Or just some time away from it all to think. And refocus.
My best times to refocus my own thinking have been on vacation. And in God's Glorious country of Canada - I hope that is just what you do.
Excellent trip to Canada. As good as you can expect when you spend 30 hours in a car with an ADHD child.
D10 had fits every single day. A couple were quite bad. Still, to me I see progress.
She wore down my aunt though. She's 77 and although she was sad to see us go, I could tell D10 was getting to her.
D13 was the half happy child, half recluse. She had a lot of fun when hanging out with my aunt and two cousins. When we were back at my aunt's house, she headed upstairs to putz around on the computer or listen to her Ipod.
10 or 20 years from now I'm positive that all of the memories will be positive.
XW and Uncle Fester came up a few times. I made a joke out of the situation, it drew a laugh, but I probably shouldn't have done it. I didn't take anything to shave with and after 8 days I was pretty shaggy.
I never let my facial hair grow so the girls kept telling me to shave. The night we got back I asked D13 if I really didn't look good this way. She said no. I told her I was thinking of packing on 50 pounds so I'd be more attractive to XW. D13 laughed.
I know, I know, I shouldn't have said that. Joking about it is a positive step right?
I have a date. Even though it's highly unlikely anything long term can come out of my conversations with OKCupid 37, I asked her out -- by message -- while in Canada. She said yes. We have this big music festival over Labor Day weekend. D13 is going to watch D10 one night and I'm taking her to the festival.
I'm excited just to get out with someone new.
School starts for the girls tomorrow and for me on Thursday. It is really going to be a test to fit everything in. I went to counseling this morning and my therapist said I sounded more excited about life than she's seen me.
I said I'm really too busy right now to dwell on anything. No time.
I have to try to not be so busy though.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Glad you had a nice vacation. We do sell disposable razors in Canada. I keep extras in the house - we have guests often and many people forget them.
It's ok to joke about ex wife but seriously - not in front of the kids. She is their Mom and everyone's mom should be special to them. The weight comments are tiring.
OK Cupid 37 sounds like a nice person. You've been communicating for a while - no reason not to ask her out. Just keep your expectations in check and see how it goes.
