Oh, I wanted to mention, the thought of "we're just friends" really worked for me. I think that's one of the reasons I was so upbeat...I didn't feel any pressure, and didn't feel the need to put any on her. That is a mind set I will continue.
W called and let me know she had a dinner meeting tonight, so wasn't going to spend the night after all. She said she'd like to stay tomorrow instead if that was ok. I was upbeat, but she asked me what was wrong a couple of times....I just laughed and said nothing at all, and she was welcome to stay tomorrow night.
After we got off the phone, I was checking our bank account, which we have a credit card tied to, and I could see she had lunch out by OM's house today. He lives in BFE, so it's blantantly obvious. She has her own cards that I don't see so she wanted me to either see it, or pay for it, or both. This was probably why she thought I was mad when she called. Whatever...I'm not even going to concern myself with it. Time for some cardio...gotta get this bod in shape!
W did end up coming over for dinner...was a nice visit, but only lasted about an hour. She touched me a few times, even stabbing me in the @ss with a fork once. It was fun and playful and the kids had fun. Before she left, she hugged me and thanked me for being her friend. I wasn't sure how to take that, so I just rolled with it. No sense trying to mind read. She had said earlier that we might talk tonight, but she must have changed her mind because she never said anything of substance. Kids pretty much were all over here, so that may have done it too.
We're hooking up for massages tomorrow and then possibly drinks...but I'm not expecting anything. I feel so attracted to her it's weird....seems like we hit a reset button and went back 15 years. I want to chunk all our problems out the window and just grab her up and kiss her, and I honestly think she'd go with it. I'm just not sure that's the right move right now. I'm just going to let her lead and see what happens.
I definitely get the sense that she's feeling me out, trying to see where my mind is. She says stuff like "I don't want to wear out my welcome" which I find odd. She seemed to float between comfortable at home mommy and dinner guest tonight, and was unsure where the boundaries were.
I'm just going to let her lead and see what happens.
Good.
Originally Posted By: Breakdown
I definitely get the sense that she's feeling me out, trying to see where my mind is.
Be careful with the above. You could very well be right.
Do what you can to not allow yourself to get into a R talk.
For example, her saying that she doesn't want to wear out her welcome? Sounds like an opportunity to tell her that she'd never wear out her welcome. Instead of going there, just show her. Keep doing what you are doing so she always does feel welcome.
Interesting weekend to say the least. Friday we had massages...followed it with early dinner, a movie at home, and then she slept in the same bed. Sat we did a big breakfast for the kids and had some mimosas. There was much flirting, mostly on my part, and yes, it was pursuing, but I kept it light and fun. I had said something about kissing me and she said "did you think this would fixed in a week?" and then "I have enough things to figure out without you getting in my head." I just rolled with it, as my intention was more fun than pressure. But this slid us into some R talk.
She was fairly irritated that I changed my mind on leaving the house every other week. She indicated she was planning to spend most of this coming week at the house, as it was her week with the kids and she didn't see any other way. I said I was ok with it, but I thought we should talk expectations as I didn't think it was fair for her to simply come and go as she pleased. There were a handful of other things she complained about as well, but all pretty minor and expected given the situation.
We pulled some weeds in yard and then I went in for a shower....she came in, locked the door, and then things got physical. Still no kissing, but it burnt up the rest of our afternoon, all with her leading. I took it at face value, enjoyed the moment, and didn't tie any expectations to it.
Sunday we went to church as a family, did some housework and then just relaxed the rest of the day. We made dinner together, watched some tv together, but there was no more physical contact outside of holding hands in bed. Again, she slept in the same bed.
Throughout the weekend, she was surprisingly available....not too much time on the phone, didn't really go anywhere. My mindset has been to be fun, no pressure, no R talk, enjoy the moments....and I think I did pretty good, definitely enjoyed my weekend. I realized a while ago that I tend to hover...follow her around, go where she goes. I focused on this and intentionally went other places, and let her seek me out instead.
With all that said, I did make a list of non-negotiables for me if she decides she wants to work on it. I pulled together a list of 5 things I will not accept in this marriage. Most I think she would be ok with, but the difficult one for her will likely be no contact with OM. For me, the "I love you" took that beyond acceptable and I don't think I can live with the relationship continuing in any format. However, I didn't share them. I know she will view them as controlling so for now, these are simply for me. I am not going to talk R unless she brings it up.
I am trying to focus on behaving like I would normally, whether she is here or not. I am continuing to read and work on my issues, I'll continue to work out (changing from insanity to p90x next week!), and I'll go do things for myself regardless of her plans. My mindset is really good...sometimes I want it to be different/better, but I just remind myself of all the changes I've made and how much better I feel. I accept it's part of the process and I trust that God has put this challenge in front of us for a reason.
Anyway, that's a ton of info so my apologies for unloading, but it'll probably be a few days before I update unless something dramatic happens. My B is getting married Sat, and kids are registering for school, so busy week in store for us.
Today is our 15th anniversary! We actually slept in the same bed last night, she gave me new sheets as my gift (already on the bed!), and we ML this am. She hasn't opened my gift yet, but even at 8am, this anniversary is about 100x better than I would have thought a few weeks ago.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
