Please read the Stop the Thyroid Madness website - some of your fatigue and depression may be inadequate thyroid treatment.
If you can't get the house ready for sale on your own, declare a work party weekend, get your H and the kids over there to help knock it out.
As for the name - I kept my married name, since it is the same as my kids and also has been my professional name for 20+ years. It was nice not to have to deal with changing it on a bunch of stuff. Does seem a little weird, explaining it to dates, but other than that, I'm glad I kept it.
Okay ... name change! I thought I would change mine because it's a simpler, easier name. But, I probably won't change it, except to use it as a nom de plum for my creative writing.
I agree with KML ... why should you be the lone person getting the house ready for sale? Ridiculous.
Bye for now.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I agree with KML ... why should you be the lone person getting the house ready for sale? Ridiculous.
And another agreement, here...
Really, as much as you are done and are ready to move on and maybe even using it as a rite of passage and way to put the nails in the lid of the coffin...
Your adding a huge amount of pressure and stress to yourself which really, for your own well being, you should not...
I am sure you feel stuck and in limbo and all that, because it's not happening fast enough...
But then... take it slower, at least... just because it's HIS deadline, doesn't mean it has to be yours. You'll still progress and SEE progress if you take it slower... if he wants to speed it up, he has to add his own efforts...
I need to tell you that my STBXH has done more than his fair share of getting the house ready for sale. He has painted, fixed and cleaned. I am just having trouble getting me motivated.
KML: I read the thyroid stuff, and am going to talk to my doctor about it. Other people have brought this up, and it always gets ignored. Scary that inadequatly treated thyroid can manifest as mental illness. And the part about bipolar is especially of intrest to me.
I guess my real complaint is just how sad it makes me that STBXH can't see how much I am struggling to get things done right now.
I also wanted to share how many compliments I've gotten on my new hairstyle. One friend said that it was "Me". It is nice to have friends!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
I don't have much to say lately. Horrible feeling watching the remains of my marriage slowly sink down the drain, like lukewarn no bubbles bathwater.
I had one bright spot: STBXH actually called me by my name. He hasn't done that in years. It made me happy and sad. My friend asked me what he calls me. And I realized he just talks to me so rarely that he times it so it can only be me he is talking to.
He rarely calls anyone by name, as I see it. Our kids more than anyone. It is kind of a weird thing.....
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
That is a weird thing to do re the no-name reference. Do you call him by his name? Perhaps you should stop, and see what happens. He may notice or, not.
I like your description of your waining M, as "slowly sink down the drain, like lukewarn no bubbles bathwater." You should write poetry.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
About the name change, I've thought about that. I've had this name for longer than I had my maiden name but I don't know that I want to keep it if we divorce.
It means something to me and that meaning will be gone if we D.
the whole thing suxx
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Today was a wierd day. We got up, from our separate rooms, and I made us waffles. We discussed our plan of attack for yard work. It rained, so I packed boxes for a couple hours then we ate lunch and both worked in the yard. In the middle of this I went and hid in my room for a few minutes because the working together was making me sad.
Yes, MORE CRYING! Tears running down my face, ludicrous tears. My son called and was being a pill about what time we were going to take the boat out tomorrow with some of my friends. So I asked STBX could he help out and he informed me that he isn't allowed to go out sailing with me. OW gets really upset about him spending time with me.
So we can live in the same house, I can buy his darn bananas, we can sit like bumps on a log and watch TV together, I can cook his darn dinner every night, but we can't go sailing together. Well that is as clear as mud.
So let me shout this to the world: I have done the last thing ever for that nincompoop. If he thinks we are going to be friends when this is all over he had better think again. Because friends can go sailing together. But I don't have any friends who expect me to buy all their food and cook it for them.
I seem to be a little slow at learning these lessons. but this one I finally get. He keeps bringing up that I am spenging his hard earned money. And I'll be darned but everytime he says it I can hear her saying it.
So if we are days away from our divorce being final, when does it quit being his hard earned money and go to being HIS and MINE? Does he think that as long as we are sharing the house I will just keep acting like his servant?
And everytime I bring up solutions to how we are going to deal with our living arrangement he throws out that we will have to change the paperwork. Somehow he has missed the point that the divorce papers he signed are not something that we can change.
I suggested we sell the boat now so we can afford for one of us to move out of the house. (I think it should be him, since he is the one who is taking virtually nothing with him,) And he got all worked up that the papers say he gets the boat. And he never wants to go out in the boat, has gotten weirder and weirder about itm so why not sell it and free up the $1000 a month it costs us in insurance and slip fees?
We have no idea how long it will take for the house to sell. And I can't see how we can be divorced and live in the same house. it is unfair to me, my friends are not comfortable coming over. I can't bring a date over. I don't even feel comfortable talking on the phone with him around.
And when he pretends like I am his secretary/housekeeper/chef it gets under my skin. The other day he got a special offer for a sailing magazine. He handed it to me and said maybe we should subscribe. Words failed me. It hurt me beyong belief. We bought our boat because we were going to retire and sail around the world. Together.
I threw myself into it heart and soul. Not realizing that it isn't my job to make him happy, it is his job. There are some days when I ponder just taking the boat and doing the circumnavigation by myself. (Okay,I would find a cute first mate to bring along....)
Ok, time to sleep. Do you think if I bought that "No More Tears" kids shampoo it would work?
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Sweetie, which bit of 'not my problem' do you not get
Why are you cooking his dinner? Being a nice person is simply pointless with a MLCer. If it didn't get you upset, I would say, fine. But it does, and therefore why not stop? Just do what you want, when you want it. And try laughing when he says stuff about OW, or say, "Really? (pause) really?" and raise your eyebrows.
You are such an inspiration in so many areas, but frankly with regard to your STBX, is your course of action working for you?
