from the WAS to being walked away on

[needgrace]

love your horoscope..what sign are you???

and love your journey from anger to compassion, thank you for sharing it.

[strongerthanever]

Ng,

sagittarius!

[strongerthanever]

Was feeling a bit sad out of nowhere today, so I decided to make it a pizza and movie night with my girls.

[zig]

way to go stronger - take the bull by the horns and internally yell - i am staying at the picnic!!

that horoscope - it's magical - i'm going to print it out. i'm so delighted that it's for sagittarius - because i'm one too!! yippee

i so stayed at the picnic tonight, that i almost couldn't see the castle! bl@@dy bizarre feeling!!!!

hope you had a lovely pizza with your little girls and enjoyed the movie..

how about a nightcap on the blanket, eh?

cheers
zig

[strongerthanever]

I'm there! Doing some star gazing from the blanket.

[strongerthanever]

I really am happy and peaceful these days. I don't contact h really. It isn't going dark, I'm just focused on living my life. I don't want to force myself in h life, I don't want to do that to anyone. I think he really needs his personal space to figure things out and my life is too happy to add drama or stress.

One thing sticks out in my mind. Our d case will be closed and dropped in 2 Weeks if no forward motion occurs. There is a bunch of paperwork that needs to be exchanged and filled in order to proceed forward.
H and I have not spoken directly about what needs to happen next. He has mentioned little things like changing the address on file with dmv and things like that.

I don't like the "on hold" feeling of everything, but then I give myself a reality talk. A divorce decree won't change my life, and there's no reason that I should be living my life on hold. It's not like I want to date or think about any other man, so why push to be legally single?

I think that talking about it while h is sorting through things would be like poking a bee hive with s stick, I'm the one that would get stung here. I think the best thing for me at this point is to pretend as if we already are divorced and just focus on being his friend when he does poke his head through the door.

I think I'll know if and when it's time to move forward in either direction.

[strongerthanever]

(venting here so I can get it out of my system)

Huh, angry outburst #2 since sending him that email, after about 5 months of NO angry outbursts at all....?

As I mentioned earlier, I'm leaving H alone and just focusing on my life. Not going dark, just allowing interactions to occur on his time, when he is ready.

I was in class tonight from 6-10pm. After class I noticed I had a text from H asking for a huge favor at 7. At 7:30 I had a missed a call from him. I checked the voice mail to find him yelling in the phone. He wanted to know what was wrong with D3's leg....? It was 10:30pm and I was not going to be rude and wake him, so I just left it and drove to work.

Wow, I don't know what is up with him, but this is not how my friendships work. I know that whatever was "wrong" with our daughter's leg is not what the real problem was. It is seriously NOT ok for him to dump on me when he is upset. His issues are his issues. And I certainly hope he is not thinking that my life is on stand by just waiting for the moment when he will need me for a favor. I have a life too, and he needs to learn to respect that.

Yes, I opened up to him in a major way, and I meant every word that I said. But it doesnt mean that I'm sitting here revolving my world around him, and that I will join him on his crazy roller coaster ride of emotions. I get off at 7 in the morning. After I wake up from sleeping I'll send him a text asking him what he needed.

Do all spouses do this? Expecting us to not have a life and run to their side the moment they give us the slightest bit of attention?

I am really irritated with his behavior. Not judging, not going to lash out or not hold myself accountable for MY behavior, I'm just irritated...

[strongerthanever]

I think it's time for a new thread? This one is pretty long, I don't want it to lock up. I think I'll call it "a new perspective".