Oh and if he were always the one to BBQ or something like that you could frame it that way my H loves to feel needed and like there's something he can do that I can't (probably because I was such a controller and always told him the things I did better.)
Showing up on his doorstep in a fur coat---and nothing else
That may be a tad extreme but honestly Bug what have you got to lose? What have you to fear? What is your goal? You are ok either way so IMO I would reccomend you just being you.
Whatever your comfortable with and makes you feel good. Being friendlier, flirtatious, whatever. If you are just being you and acting authentically then I don't buy into the pursuing as much because I believe that you are detached enough and at a point where as a friend of ours has said many times you are doing something , not to induce a reaction, but regardless of the reaction.
You are a great, inspiring, (add countless other positive adjectives here)woman and it is unfortunate for your h to not be able to see that......YET
Thanks, sias, I think I'll frame this for the bad days. Love ya, ya [censored][censored][censored][censored]nut job!
I agree that at this point I have nothing to lose really. I'm good, as bf says, I'm better than good with my life right now. He's not necessary for my happiness but might be a nice addition. My potatoes on the side!
he's been out of town this week and will probably get in late on Thurs, tired with little to eat at his place. I'm making bbque and coleslaw so I might make him a plate and leave it in a cooler on his doorstep.
A nice gesture I would do for a friend.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
You find the greatest things when you fear these threads.
Found this at gunny's place:
Lol. I really don't understand why guys worry about the "friendship trap." I've never dated anyone I wasn't friends with first. And even if you start dating and then develop a friendship as you date, you still have to develop a friendship. If you aren't friends, you certainly can't be more than that.
And the four phases I was taught as a newcomer here were reducing negative emotions, friendship, romance, and recommitment.
Build the friendship. Be the loyal, supportive, loving friend she needs and the rest can follow.
In all your communication I would refrain from telling her how you improved.
I think a lot of the negative emotions have been weeded out and a bit of friendship is germinating.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
so since this "friendship" theme is coming up - how does one respond to what my h just said to me a few days ago when i told him that it would be great to be friends:
well it won't be a real friendship because i won't be able to talk to you about things going on in my life. that's what friends do
i replied oh i meant that we could just hang out and be relaxed together and one in a while do something fun or frivolous
him: no that's not friendship
Hee hee!!
"labug and the fur coat"
now that sounds like a story book title - adventure story...
i'm starting to see now, that when one is detached enough - one can easily initiate contact with the spouse, because we don't "fear the consequences" any longer.
funny how until the detachment comes, we can't even see that that is a state we may reach.
good times labug, good times
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
