Update: Spent last weekend with my xW. We hung out, had a lot of fun, talked about things a bit, which I thought was good. We do have a lot of fun when we are together, no doubt. Our serious conversation focused on communication, or her lack thereof. She said it is hard for her, that she does not want to rely on me or depend on me. I have always maintained that I would be there if she needed me. She said she felt bad that she had been hurting me by ignoring me. We talked alot about her sick mother, and she clearly needed to get that off her chest. I left thinking that we had had a good weekend, lots of fun, and might be communicating.
Following that weekend, we had a few text exchanges, just pleasantries.
Then last Friday I get a text from her best friend that says "FYI..whatever you are doing is having very negative effects". WTF?
My only conclusion is that xW is lying to me. Telling me one thing and her BFF another. If she just wants me out of her life, why is SHE getting in touch with me and asking to see me?
I think I just need to walk away. I seem to be in a no win situation. I am confused, but obviously I am a burden on xW, so I should probably just realize that she is best off without me.
Am I alone in finding this bizarre?
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Hello AC, This is a very cryptic message. Not sure if I understand what she means. Having very negative effect on what, on her? Your ex? Did you call her bf, assuming you even want to talk to her?
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
Ignore it! you could mind read until the cows come home and never understand. Just remember that was we want to do is not always what our friends and families think we SHOULD we do! And what she may think of as negatives, you or your W may think of as positives.
I've lost one of my friends that I was very close to around the time of being a walk away I don't think she knows what to make of me....and that's okay. I'm not explaining myself to anyone!
It sounds like the two of you had some very positive conversations. Keep it happy and fun, so that when she thinks of you it isn't with guilt or bad memories but with excitement!
AC, I agree with the others. Don't give the friend's comments too much thought. It is too hard to say what was behind what your W's friend said to it. Bottom line is she is not your W anyway.
I think Brit's advice was excellent: keep your interactions happy and fun with your W and build good memories. Have no expectations.
Ultimately, if your W wants to come back, she will make it as clear as the day of the bomb she wishes to do that. Meanwhile, make your life excellent and your W can choose to join you or not to join you.
Been out of touch for a while as my job takes me to remote corners, and I have been in the field most of the summer.
Today is my 52nd birthday, and it is bittersweet to say the least. Realized it is my third bday in a row that has left me sad and depressed, timing which fits perfectly with the crumbling of my R. In addition, last week marked the one year anniversary of my xW moving out of state. Dark clouds keep swirling, to say the least.
Trying my damnedest to GAL and move on. Have spent some time with xW a couple of times in May and July, and had a great time. So did xW. Seems everything we get together, it sends her into some kind of tailspin in which she regrets seeing me, and feels like she is 'falling back into it" (her words, not mine). Leaves me nothing but confused..
Am told by a mutual friend that I should just not contact her, to give her time and space. This I am doing....I only respond when she contacts me, and I do not think I will answer her "Happy Birthday" text today.
Seems to me she is confused, and her future is anything but certain. Trying not to keep my life on hold. I am finding myself isolating myself more and more...
One of these years I am going to enjoy my birthday. It probably just takes time.
Hope all is well. Thanks for listening.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Been out of touch for a while as my job takes me to remote corners, and I have been in the field most of the summer.
Today is my 52nd birthday, and it is bittersweet to say the least. Realized it is my third bday in a row that has left me sad and depressed, timing which fits perfectly with the crumbling of my R. In addition, last week marked the one year anniversary of my xW moving out of state. Dark clouds keep swirling, to say the least.
Trying my damnedest to GAL and move on. Have spent some time with xW a couple of times in May and July, and had a great time. So did xW. Seems everything we get together, it sends her into some kind of tailspin in which she regrets seeing me, and feels like she is 'falling back into it" (her words, not mine). Leaves me nothing but confused..
Am told by a mutual friend that I should just not contact her, to give her time and space. This I am doing....I only respond when she contacts me, and I do not think I will answer her "Happy Birthday" text today.
Seems to me she is confused, and her future is anything but certain. Trying not to keep my life on hold. I am finding myself isolating myself more and more...
One of these years I am going to enjoy my birthday. It probably just takes time.
Hope all is well. Thanks for listening.
Spending time with you may make her "feel like I'm falling back into it", make her feel like she's losing control because she's falling for you.... She's scared of it obviously.
