"Some of this is true, but it takes two people to screw up a relationship."
That is true. But you're the one who wants it and not her.
Never underestimate the emotional needs of a woman and how deeply they impact her. Sometimes it seems like you dismiss alot of what she says and just want her to "get over it". It doesn't work that way for women.
"nervous breakdown (her words)"
Sounds like you were dismissing this. I'm sure it was overdramatized, however the spirit of her meaning is there.
"but it takes two people to screw up a relationship."
Get rid of the "but". Just fix what you can and be proud of it. If you really have been changing, you wouldn't have even said "but".
"If we had known those and acted upon them we would not be here."
Mindreading. You probably knew those but really didn't think they were that important. Other things in life came in and suddenly her needs weren't a priority and you stopped noticing. She probably tried different ways to tell you - kidding, snarky comments, etc. - but you didn't "listen". So she stopped complaining and held everything in. Then you took her silence as everything being okay. That's just how it is.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
All good points, thanks. The nervous breakdown comment was to differentiate from a true medical/psychological diagnosis, but your point is well taken. Ealrier in our problems I did want her to "just get over it" but I know now it does not happen that way. Not sure how it does happen to be honest. I am fixing my stuff, its a work in progress, I have good days and bad. The final paragraph is bang on, and as MWD says I am working on profound changes that will make me a better person, and I know it is for me and my kids.
Still, have the immediate problem of how to deal with summer. Being the analytical person that I am, I could not resist looking at what the impact would be. Roughly 17 days that neither child would have access to me, and no more than 5 in a row. Seems manageable. The 5 is when my W takes them to upstate NY for family reunion. I have trip to FL with daughter, WV with my son (both 4 days) then trip to the beach with both (5 days) so those will be fun trips. Maybe I am making something out of nothing. I was determined to get back in the family home full time, but do not want this thing going to family court. She just might do that.
M 53, W 48 T 25, M 18 S 15, D 11 "I'me done!" 6/13/2010 Exit started 8/21/2011 ILYBNILWY W consults with L 9/2011, no papers filed Separated 1/16/2012
Try learning this. It's a great skill to have. Read books or talk to a C about it. The more you understand this, the easier things will go between your W and you.
"I was determined to get back in the family home full time, but do not want this thing going to family court. She just might do that."
She has no grounds to keep you away from your home. You don't have anything written that says that you must stay out of the house. It is your home, you don't pose a danger or threat to anyone. It just goes against what she wants. Be sure you consult with your L about this to be sure that legally you can go back home and then do it.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I am currently reading How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It, although with the state of our marriage sometimes the point seems moot. Are there any other books you could suggest? This would be a very useful skill to obtain for either now or further down the road.
M 53, W 48 T 25, M 18 S 15, D 11 "I'me done!" 6/13/2010 Exit started 8/21/2011 ILYBNILWY W consults with L 9/2011, no papers filed Separated 1/16/2012
This situation with the "nesting" house. It doesn't appear that you have reached any resolve with that. And I know that VA tends to look at not rocking the cradle too much when it comes to custody.
