[LITB]

This is a wonderful thread. Thank you.

Thank you bustingout. I owe a lot to this board and its wonderful members. My hope is to give back a small portion of what was given to me.

[LITB]

Here are the email exchanges that put us back on track to putting our family back together.

Read from the bottom up:

From: W
Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2012
To: LITB
Subject: RE: Good Morning

I regret that I never went to therapy with you. Because of my stubbornness it’s caused so much more pain and I’m so sorry for that. When I sat in church on Sunday, pastor talked about how we are all stubborn in so many ways. If we would only let go of our pride and see the bigger picture there would be less hurt in one another’s lives. SO TRUE…

I love the fact that you first wrote “You will be my priority”… I needed to hear that; I just want to be loved.

And thank you for being so understanding; we can’t just jump right back into things. I want to do this right; I owe that to you. And when the time is right; your ring is still sitting in my jewelry box ready to be placed on my ring finger again. Where it belongs…
________________________________________
From: LITB
Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2012
To: W
Subject: RE: Good Morning

Thank you. It has been painful, but our family is worth it. I worked hard to keep that at the forefront of my mind.

You will be my priority. Only God will come before you. In turn, I need to be your priority. I don’t ever want to experience anything like this again. I realize what lies ahead might be as difficult or even more so. I am willing to go to couple’s therapy as well. I know there is one that we had discussed before. In the meantime, I will give you the time and space you need. We can’t just jump right back into this thing. Not that I would mind seeing my ring on your finger. 

It felt good hugging you. You fit perfectly into my arms. 

From: W
Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2012
To: LITB
Subject: RE: Good Morning

You are amazing… I have put you through so much and you still love me unconditionally. I want our family back together; seeing how happy D9 and S6 were this weekend was enough for me. And I’ve missed you. When you hugged me at Cliff’s and didn’t let go it was a feeling I can’t explain. For the good times and the bad times… till death do us part…

I do need a little time to myself and I do want to check into some therapy; but just know it’s for you, D9 and S6.

________________________________________
From: LITB
Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2012
To: W
Subject: RE: Good Morning

I’m overcome with emotions. I have so much to say………..I’ll say this. I love you unconditionally. I want our family back together. I have already forgiven you and I am willing to take this long, difficult….but fulfilling journey with you. For the good times and the bad times….til death do us part.


From: W
Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2012
To: LITB
Subject: RE: Good Morning

My poor baby… I’m realizing more and more how much our situation suxs… I hate it already… I broke things off with OM and I’m going to look into some therapy. After this weekend spending time as a family; I missed it. I need to make things right for you, D9 and S6. I am so sorry…

________________________________________
From: LITB
Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2012
To: W
Subject: RE: Good Morning

Nah…we were getting ready to stop at the rest stop yesterday and she was crying. I asked her what was the matter. She said, “I miss mom.” Thankfully we were at our stop. I just put my arms around her and held her. She seemed fine after that.

I do see how she gets in trouble because of D. She doesn’t know when to stop. She’s just like me.

From: W
Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2012
To: LITB
Subject: RE: Good Morning

I wish I was on a plane to SF… if I could I would.

And yes, D9 has been emotional… Her and her brother have not been seeing eye to eye lately and she feels that he always gets her in trouble. I told her to just ignore him and walk away but this is very difficult for her. It’s tough for me to help her because I didn’t have a brother or sister. Is that what triggered her emotion yesterday? Her brother?
________________________________________
From: LITB
Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2012
To: W
Subject: RE: Good Morning

Sounds good……thought you were on a plane to SF? 

Must be a space shuttle. :oP

Curious to know if D9 has gotten emotional lately? She did a little bit yesterday.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Good for both of you LITB.

Make progress slowly. Build to last.

[scaredsilly]

This is better than any romance novel!

[LITB]

Good for both of you LITB.

Make progress slowly. Build to last.

Thanks J3B. I know that ^^^^ nugget of advice comes from experience.

[LITB]

This is better than any romance novel!

Thank you for dropping by SS. Your comment made me smile.

[LITB]

Another from my archives that has been posted on these forums. Unfortunately I do not know or remember who posted it.

In regards to the WAW.
PICNIC ANALOGY:
Imagine that the WAS is inside an impenetrable castle. WAS is deep inside the castle walls and has no desire to see the outside world. WAS has his/her own world right there inside those cold, stone walls.

Then there's you. You're sitting on the other side of the moat (drawbridge is up, btw). You've got a nice blanket laid out on the cool, green grass, and you're enjoying yourself by having a wonderful picnic all alone. You're absolutely content with this, and aren't even concerned with the castle and the WAS within (in fact, you've got your back to it).

Eventually, WAS gets a little curious about the what's going on outside the castle, and decides to take a peak over the walls. WAS sees you, just sitting there enjoying yourself. He/She is surprised, because previously you had been throwing rocks at the castle, singing and dancing in hopes of getting their attention. WAS is wondering what you're up to, and why you're so content. After a while, WAS decides to lower the drawbridge and join you at your picnic. WAS sits down, and you just act as if -- you're happy, confident, etc. Suddenly, WAS realized where he/she is and what he/she is doing, and it scares the hell out him/her. WAS jumps up and dashes back to the castle for no apparent reason. You however, didn't even budge or flinch. WAS peeks back out to see what you're doing, and notices that you're still sitting in the same place, enjoying yourself without concern. Again, WAS is surprised, and eventually comes out again. This time WAS stays a little longer, but again gets spooked and runs back. However, you're still not deterred from enjoying your picnic. The WAS's visits begin to happen more and more, and they last longer and longer. Once he/she realizes that there is no risk for him/her (i.e. that you won't bring up the R, pursue her, get angry, become needy, etc), WAS begins to reflect on things, and begins questioning his/her choice to go to the castle. In time, WAS decides to bring up the R, and this is when you can discuss it with him/her because WAS is ready and has initiated the talk.

THIS is why it is important to avoid pursuing, because it gives the WAS the opportunity to miss you, reflect, see your changes and strength, etc. So, the next time me or anyone else tells you to just enjoy your picnic, you'll know what it means. This is a term that we used a lot this summer, but it kind of went away. I think it describes the pursuit dynamic perfectly. Don't chase the WAS back into the castle and hold him/her captive by standing outside the walls and trying to get his/her attention. As long as this is the case, it is likely that they'd rather starve themselves in their castle than come out.

[peringo]

I like that one.

[Crimson]

LITB -

I just took the time to read a lot of your old posts/thread. Holy cow, you have been through the ringer - and your ordeal has a lot of similarities to mine.

The list of "things" that you made for your W looked alarmingly like mine and most of them were things that my W stated to me as well.

The cool part of your situation (if there is such a thing) seemed to be that no matter what happened incident-wise in terms of anger or other issues - you two always seemed to drift back to a somewhat peaceful center and carry on as amicably as possible. That is good. It also became very clear in your posts that your W never REALLY stopped having feelings for you on one level or another (using terms of endearment like "babe" or "sweetheart"). She also seemed to never want to be FULLY out of contact with you. I know you have children and that drives part of it - but still.

Anyhow - happy for you. As I said I see some similarities in my situation and can only hope for a positive outcome.

Crimson

[shockeddad]

I like that one very much.