Thank You, for all the support guys. This is super hard. I will look into that book tonight on my ride home.
I really hope that i can start pushing forward and getting to a point were i dont care what happens. I have a preference but i dont care because i care about me.
M:33 W:32 Married 10/28/07 C: B13 G10 (Both from different relationships) 12/30/09 Bomb Divorce Busted 2/04/10 5/15/12 Bomb 2
Journal Entry: I had a interesting night. I am not sure whats going on or not. Hopefully, someone can give me a little insight I think i am reading these things with rose colored glasses.
So, the other night i was trying to log into my bank account to check our funds. I had forgotten the password and got locked out of the bankaccount for nor remembering it.
She found out about this today when she logged in. She then called me 7 times and left me a couple of texts. (I was not ignoring her. I just didnt notice the phone ringing.) We then had this talk.
w: Did you try and log into the bank account and freeze it up? I tried calling but apparently you arent going to answer
m: Sorry, i didnt hear you call. Ya, it tried to log in twice and failed. I didnt know i froze.
W: I could have just given it to you. Do you need to know something about the account?
M: Just watching the money to make sure everything is ok. Im sure you would have let me know if it wasnt but i was curious.
W: YYa, i would let you know. Right now there is $175.00 in there. Not sure if any gas is pending.
H: Ok, i would like it still if possible. Sorry, that you had to call.
W: Its ok, I will have the bankers set up a password and user ID for you tommorow. Are you planning on coming back on monday?
M: Yes, D and I will be there on monday. I may come over on sunday and unpack and do some laundry. I am still playing it by ear. Why did you call me so many times?
w: because i thought you werent picking up on purpose. I dont want things to get ugly between us.
M: I dont want that either.
W: where are you staying? If you dont mind me asking?
M: I am living with Tree (my best friend). I wanted to be close incase you were sick.
w: I heard you talk to our friend dan. I can understand that i guess
w: You dont have to do that I appreciate that you care but it isnt fair for you to have to worry about that
m: Tree is a good palce for me. Yes, i have spoken to dan.
W I will not call you if you if i get sick
w: I dont want you to worry about that.
w: I guess at some point we should talk about where we go from here.
M: Whenever you want to is fine.
...short pause:::::
W: Have you liked being alone and spending time with the guys?
M: It was a different experience. There are good parts and bad parts.
W: Ok, well i guess we can talk more on sunday if you come over to do laundry.
M:Thats fine. Why dont we meet at the beach? We can take a walk and talk.
W: 9?
M: Sounds Good. I will let you know if anything changes.
W: Ok..Do you plan on depositing your check friday? I am only asking so i can figure out the rest of the bills.
M: I am not sure. I have a couple of leads on a house and i may need to give them some money. However, if i dont need it for that. I was going to deposit it in good faith until we talk about the plan.
M: Last but not least if you get sick. This is no one else to call but me. I will always be there for you regardless of where i live.
........There is a good 10-15 minutes with no response
W: I appreciate that but you shouldnt have to worry about me...I would request that you not put any money down on a house without at least discussing it with me first because we still have joint bills that need to be paid.
:::i dont respond for 10 -15 minutes:::::
M: I dont think this conversation should happen via text
W: Fine
M: Its not a issue that needs to be resolved today.
........
So, that was the talk. My first thought was she is very interested and this is great. However, now i see more of her looking for a end, i am really not sure how it will go down.
Any insight would help
M:33 W:32 Married 10/28/07 C: B13 G10 (Both from different relationships) 12/30/09 Bomb Divorce Busted 2/04/10 5/15/12 Bomb 2
I don't want to burst any bubbles here but I think you need to re-read that convo and actually see what she's telling you.
Quote:
W I will not call you if you if i get sick
w: I dont want you to worry about that.
Take that exactly as she means it. She is distancing herself and wants to stand on her own feet. Don't mention wanting to be nearby 'in case she gets sick'. That is being clingy and trying to maintain an attachment that she no longer wants. Please take her at her word or it may come back to bite you. If she reaches out to you then that is a change in her feelings and you can respond then.
She already had told you how she felt about it but you still said:
Quote:
M: Last but not least if you get sick. This is no one else to call but me. I will always be there for you regardless of where i live.
MAJOR PURSUING BEHAVIOR. Also, it shows that you aren't really listening to her.
Woment want to be hear and taken at their word. Regardless of what men are told growing up, women are not that cryptic. We may not always say directly what we mean, but we also don't twist things to sound one way when we mean something else (except in the instances of manipulative b!tches...those are another breed entirely! )
Quote:
I appreciate that but you shouldnt have to worry about me...I would request that you not put any money down on a house without at least discussing it with me first because we still have joint bills that need to be paid.
She has reiterated her stance on this and added that she needs to be involved in your decision regarding a house because it will directly affect the household bills. Again, please listen. She is voicing her concern without going directly at you with 'don't spend any money without talking to me'.
On the other hand, let me say this, when you meet Sunday morning to walk and talk, let her do most of the talking. Validate her feelings, disagree if you have to but don't do so in a confrontational manner or by telling her that her feelings are wrong.
You've got this. Just try to pull back a little on some of your tendencies and you may have a shot.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Ya, it noticed those and need to work on that. I notice a couple of nuggets of her being very curious of were I am. (These were in my plan to get her to start pursuing me) She also is in a weird state where she doesn't want me to just rent a house without discussing it with her. I may be reading more into that but last time we talked we agreed. I would take the next two paychecks and figure my crap out.
M:33 W:32 Married 10/28/07 C: B13 G10 (Both from different relationships) 12/30/09 Bomb Divorce Busted 2/04/10 5/15/12 Bomb 2
Journal Update: I did really well last night. I didnt really dwell on it. I went out with some friends and worked out. I am still emotionally a mess but i did fairly well yesterday.
This morning i went and stopped by my house for the first time since friday. I knew my wife would not be home since she worked early today. I came in played with my dog and left pretty quickly. I was kind of saddened to see my home was kind of a mess. I kind of assumed that my wife would go on a crazy cleaning spree. I am not sure how to make of it.
However, i need to keep moving along. I finally sent a email out about a rental house. I am progressing
M:33 W:32 Married 10/28/07 C: B13 G10 (Both from different relationships) 12/30/09 Bomb Divorce Busted 2/04/10 5/15/12 Bomb 2
So, got in a huge fight with the wife. I told her that i didnt want to give her my whole check. I need to keep some money and start saving it to take care of me and my daughter. If this divorce is what she wants this is what i feel I need to do.
We talked on the phone for a bit and i wasnt my best. I basicly most of the talk to her if this is what you want then this is the path i am taking. It was really rough and during the talk she shut down and really didnt want to have a conversation with me.
Its tough and she offered to help me look for a place to live. I told her no thank you. I need to do it myself.
I am just broken and sad. I really dont think this marrige can be saved....i am very broken
M:33 W:32 Married 10/28/07 C: B13 G10 (Both from different relationships) 12/30/09 Bomb Divorce Busted 2/04/10 5/15/12 Bomb 2
Crap.....Ok so now i house is ready for me to move in. $700.00 a month. This includes utility's. This more then likely the best deal i will find anywhere but we have only been talking about seperating for 2 weeks. What should i do?
M:33 W:32 Married 10/28/07 C: B13 G10 (Both from different relationships) 12/30/09 Bomb Divorce Busted 2/04/10 5/15/12 Bomb 2
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