So H actually cut off my cell phone this afternoon. I am kind of surprised he did it so quickly, I wasn't sure he had the courage. What I find almost comical about the whole situation is that it isn't like he's trying to advertise our "separation." We are still married on Facebook, which is a big deal for him because he loves to have borderline scandalous chats on Facebook when he isn't getting enough attention. So now I have a new phone number and am debating whether or not to give it to him. He should be leaving out for a detachment in the next few days. I think I'll wait to see what Cheryl says about it. I don't really want to talk to him right now. He can always e-mail me if he wants something. Who knows what will happen next, but whatever it is I won't let it ruffle me!
Well last night I was informed that H did not make it through his first "look" to reenlist. I know this was a huge blow for him; the military in a way defines him. I have a feeling that is why he is getting pushy and cut off my phone. He is probably starting to panic. He has a few more "looks" before he's essentially kicked out, but that doesn't repair his feeling of rejection.
I know he's really struggling and hurting right now, but I can't help but to be exhausted from the song and dance we're doing. I have never been a patient person and at times I start to wonder what I'm waiting for. I may not have been the best wife thus far, but I could have been a lot worse. I deserve to be in a relationship that actually exists with a husband who loves me. I know H loves me, but he's really finding some interesting ways of showing it right now.
July is only a few months away, hopefully we can start getting back on track once he has his life figured out. I hope God is on our side and we can just get back to being happy together :-/
