One thing through this process I really think is strange. 1st month of physical separation things were not good. Jockying for kids time. Figuring stuff out. 2nd month. W inviting me over for dinner. Giving each other high fives. Flexible with kids. Getting along. Then BOOOOOM. Rings off. I want to date. You should date. I just find that very odd. The sudden change like that. As a guy it makes me instantly think EA or even PA but most likely EA.
Other thing. At what point does the LBS give up. I mean this sincerely. Say I'm 8 months into counseling and the W has done nothing to work on herself. I mean nothing. I mean even MWD says that sometimes WAS's make up their mind and there is nothing you can do.
Just thinking outloud here. Off to counseling. Will report back later
ok first full weekend being truly separated. Did not see the kids. Zero contact with wife accept at night after saying goodnight with kids. It was tough but I truly think it is the space we both need right now. Up til now we were in separate houses doing everything together. It was brutal not seeing the kids and missing the sleepovers. Next weekend I have a weekend getaway planned for me and the kids. I hope she gives me the same respect.
What a great day. Friend came down and we golfed from 9 am to 6pm. Off to play some cards now. Staying busy is key during separation.
Counseling in the am. Working on respect tomorrow. Got my first book on positive thinking.
Also. What if the WAS never chooses to work on herself. Goto counseling for herself. Anger issues etc. Stuff that happpened in her childhood. In other words I continue to work on myself and get help but if she never decides to isn't it hopeless. Or you just don't worry about it.
I just finished counseling. He really is working on me and taking me in all the right directions. He is helping me with my childhood issues that lead me to be controlling and full of anger. He also is trying to make me realize I do not need my W to survive. To take care of myself etc.
It is hard but we are making some slow progress. Living with these new boundaries between me and the W are also tough. I'm sure not just only on me but her too. I do finally feel separated. Not that I like it but before we were doing the same ole stuff just different houses. Hopefully in time we can interact more together.
"W has done nothing to work on herself. I mean nothing." "What if the WAS never chooses to work on herself. Goto counseling for herself. Anger issues etc. Stuff that happpened in her childhood. In other words I continue to work on myself and get help but if she never decides to isn't it hopeless."
You can't force people to do what you want them to do. The more you focus on that, the more frustrated you will get.
"I mean even MWD says that sometimes WAS's make up their mind and there is nothing you can do. " "Or you just don't worry about it."
Exactly.
Stop focusing on your W being a better person and just stick with yourself. You don't control what you don't have.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
MrB. Did you and W reconcile. How long did it take. Sounds like you guys have 100 times more patience then me. I don't know if you notice but I really am working on myself. I've made progress. This weekend I was super busy. Had anxiety on Sunday but I truly missed my kids. Plus the nice weather brings out neighbors and friends and now I am feeling the splintered effects of that. But overall I'm doing better for myself. I am off the anti D and sleeping better etc.
One major event coming up in a month or so is my lease is expiring. Not sure what to do there. I can't see my W having a change of heart and wanting me back home in 4 weeks lol.
So I'm having a terrible anxiety day today. Not sure why. Woke up with it.
My W seemed to have land a part time job. This would be very good for her. She has been a stay at home mom for 6 years with little to know help with the kids outside of me.
One major thing coming up in the future is the lease on my apartment is coming up. I only did a 6 month lease. I really don't know how to address this with the W. A few people tell me to try to get back into the house and continue to divorce b.
I don't know what her feelings are going to be. It is a month away before I have to decide on what I am going to do. I can't see living with her again in this state.
Do you think I should try to get back into the house even if in separate rooms etc or just find another place to stay. Or just ask her what she wants and go off that.
One other thought. I know when you are DB you should have no relationship talks. Seems to me I struggle with not knowing what is going on in her head. How do you know if your actions have upset her if you have zero communications with your spouse. What have others done during there separation to communicate. I just sit in limbo every day with zero communication. It is frustrating and yes I stay as busy as possible. But I truly miss that we can't communicate at all about anything
My W and are talking and don't discuss the R or our M. I guess when they are ready they will come forward. I know that is not what you want to here, either do I, but if I push it with her I get nowhere.
Sad I understand you completely. What I really get frustrated with is say I did something to upset her or vice versa. We have no communication channel at all. Oh well. Limbo is not fun and I GAL up the ying yang
