Jenna - are you or me or Ray really WAS's. Let's not brand us with those ugly scarlett letters. We have been warriors for love and embodied that all along.
Jenna..just caught up on your thread..a lot of great advice here. You two have a chance..you are in counseling together...agree to take baby steps.
The Great Pyramid was built by the precision of what you cannot see underground, yet it has lasted forever and is one of the greatest symbols on earth. Like a real R should be....put each stone in its right place...one by one...measured and with patience
Thanks for the support. I'll check out your thread today, Rick. I'm so sorry you're hurting.
Ces, I scored a 90, 86, and 98 on my tests last night. They grade them usually always right after we finish.
M & H 25 T 9 D 7 S 4 Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me. Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out 2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other. 3-4-12 H moved back in. 3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done
C was pretty unproductive. She told me I'd make a good prosecutor. I'm logical and fair, but I'm snippy, interrupt, and don't care that I'm wounding him by the tone I'm using. She saw us separately for 10mins each, and the other 40-50mins together. The C got J to realize that he respects me as a person, but he's distanced himself so much that he goes out as an escape and won't let my feelings affect it. It's also that he is immature and needs to realize that going out like that is not good for the family dynamic. He doesn't go about it in a mature way.
We went to breakfast afterward to talk and figure out whether or not we want to try to seriously make this work. He finally broke whatever shield he's had over him this entire time. He got emotional and said he doesn't want to lose me and he's scared, but he wants to do what it takes to get the love back. Our C said that we're taking every tiny thing and turning into a huge issue because we don't feel secure about the love in our R. We need to get the love back. That will foster trust and respect. He won't feel the need to escape. Neither will I.
He's going to take a break from going out. In C he said he wouldn't go out for a couple of weeks. I lost it. That's a break?! He has a lot of growing up to do.
Time will tell. We're going to try. No holding back.
M & H 25 T 9 D 7 S 4 Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me. Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out 2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other. 3-4-12 H moved back in. 3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done
First off I'd get rid of your C. I can see she uses the Gordon Ramsay tough love style of C. But being told negatives without any positives just leave you with negatives. I would suggest someone who is proM and has followed DB principles.
Second, for the thing I suggested you write down, DO NOT write about your feelings. Same goes for your H. Write down your NEEDS and concrete steps that the other person can do to help see to those needs.
Especially in the case of your H, he really does need a guidebook. Because of his immaturity (I mean in terms of experience) you have to detail what he needs to do and be sure they are specific.
When he says stuff like he won't go out for two weeks and you don't think it's enough, tell him that you think it's a great start. And that you would like him to understand that the reason he isn't going out isn't to keep him home, but to spend that time bonding with you and your child.
Say things like... I feel secure when you...
Give him examples of things he's done in the past so he has a starting point.
Guys are a little thick headed when it comes to this emotional stuff. Don't "expect" him to understand something. After all, I'm sure he says some things that you've misinterpreted. No mindreading.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
We're going indoor mini-golfing with the kids in a couple of hours, and then we're going on a date. Not sure what we're doing yet, other than dinner. Our C told us to completely avoid heavy topics on date night. Flirt, joke around, smile! Our date nights so far have surprisingly turned to sh!t. We always end up fighting. Not tonight! I feel reassured (a little bit...I'm moving slowly here) because something seemed to thaw inside of J at breakfast after MC this morning. He said he's been cold because he's been so scared that if he puts in his whole heart and shows his vulnerability, I'll decide that this isn't what I want. I've feared the same dang thing. I'm going to try my hardest to do what I need to do to make this work.
I do struggle with the fact that OW works with him. He's a server at a restaurant and she's a hostess. We read a post on here together today about healing from infidelity (he had no idea what site it was on, as I had it on my phone and scrolled past the header). Though he didn't technically cheat, the way he went about it feels like infidelity to me. He still struggled with the A I had years ago. We have so many scars. Anyway, I think that post got him to realize that it isn't appropriate even to say hi, how are you, to her. It isn't needed, and I feel it disrespects our R.
I just hope he will decide to uphold his end of all of this. I'll have to learn to trust him.
M & H 25 T 9 D 7 S 4 Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me. Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out 2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other. 3-4-12 H moved back in. 3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done
