You are a sensitive person, by nature, are you not? I got a little choked up just READING your story about hungry man!
However I think your insight about unconscious emotions, memories being processed below the surfase and accentuating or eliciting over-reactions is BANG ON!
I would count positives in your H expressing interest in your poetry...in his effort to understand...in his acknowledgment of your feeling especially raw right now.
H came up from behind, wrapped his arms around me and in between kisses to my cheek, asked "Love me?". It's funny how his question sounded like "I love you".
Here's a joke that might cheer you up - your last post reminded me of it.
Quote: There's a great story about John Wayne, who was playing a cameo role in the biblical epic, The Greatest Story Every Told. He had one line in that movie, at the end, when he delivered the words, "Truly this was the Son of God." He was told that he lacked enough expression when he said, "Truly this was the Son of God." The director was George Stevens, who reminded him that he was talking about Jesus and said, "You've got to deliver the line with a little more awe." So on the next take, John Wayne said, "Aw, truly this was the Son of God."
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Last night, after my H went to bed early, a friend of ours called with some disruptive news. This friend still works for the lab that my H used to work for before being laid off. This lab is the place where my H hired the woman he ended up having a full blown affair with and drifted into a massive campaign of betrayal - enabled and supported by a small circle of self-serving co-workers.
Well it seems that the lab has decided that they need my H afterall and are now hoping to hire him back.
Neither my H or I are surprised by this turn around, but I am a little surprised that my H has so quickly opened the door to the possiblity.
He claims that the issues of the past are "behind us".
This turn of events comes just days before the official 'dropping-of-the-bomb' day - Jan. 22, 2003.
So...my H is considering returning to 'ELM STREET' .
Jeannine -- Ah...this happened to me on a much smaller scale about 9 months ago...h was offered a consulting job (for a few days) at the company he used to work at...ow was still there
I can't tell from your post -- does ow still work at the lab?
Perhaps h's readiness to return to the scene is a test for himself? A sign about how far he thinks you guys have come?
Did he offer any insights to you?
I can see you strongly DB'ing your way thru this but I'm sure that doesn't make you feel any warmer...
tell us more about the conversation?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Poor darlin', I know this is upsetting to you. Is this something your SURE your H wants to do?
I think if he does take the job, he means what he says that all that is behind him, but that does not take your anxiety away.(I hate that!)
Your forced to trust here. Suggesting he not take the job would not be a good thing I take it??
I think he knows how you feel about this without you even saying anything. If he's true to how he's been lately-so loving and understanding of your feelings, building a very intimate relationship, this will not change that.
Jeannine, he picked YOU. It's you he wants. Give him the freedom to do what he needs to do and he will love you all the more for it. It will be ok.......really! Rachael
Sooner or later, it all comes down to trust doesn't it? No matter what he does or where he goes there will always be the matter of trust.
Look at it this way. If he goes to work there again and she's there and he is over it and everything remains fine with the two of you that will be the ultimate assurance you are looking for.
Personally, I think he is dead serious when he says it's in the past and won't be an issue. Jeannine, you'll have to restle with your fears I know.
It's unfortuante that this opportunity came up in respect to the OW, but it's also and opportunity for him to rise to the task of reassuring you once and for all that you are the only one he wants.
I'm not sure if the OW still works there or not, but there is the distinct possibility.
I only told my H about the phone conversation this morning as he was asleep at the time of the call.
I avoided making any reference to OW and that whole mess. My H can read me with stealth ease, making my DB job a little more challenging. So noticing that I was worried he asked "Is something wrong"? I replied, "I'd thought that we had left that place behind us." This is when he said "Yes, my employment with them before is behind us". I can only assume he meant that what had happened there before is - behind us.
He said that he didn't want to make any decision either way until we get back from our vacation in Costa Rica, which is Feb. 24. He said that he wants to hear what they will offer him, that he didn't want to work for salary this time, won't accept working over eight hours a day like before and that he wants to check out other places as well.
He got a bit tense and snappy at one point when I questioned him about how he intended to handle this situation, should they call here. Perhaps he thought that I was being difficult...I don't know. I have noticed in the past that he tends to get touchy whenever we discuss his plans for maintaining an adequate income for our household. Too much pressure, perhaps?
Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but it seems as though my H is a little preoccupied since this all came up and after speaking with our friend this morning.
I also get the sense that my H's ego is stroked by this latest development.
As for the possibility of H seeing this as a test for himself and how far we have come, I get no sense of that all.
It's still too soon, but H has done little to warm me with this issue.
I know from experience that it does not bode well for me to seek assurances...so it's back to acting.
