You can also choose not to respond at all. Here are my concerns about your husband:
1) He likes to pursue 2) He's afraid of needing you more than you need him 3) He has a history of trying to manipulate you to keep you needing him more.
I'm also very convinced that you need to take him back on your terms not his. I'm talking about equalizing the balance of power in the relationship. You need to be able to have boundaries that are respected.
Here are my thoughts on this email:
a) It's great that he's coming back to the table and being open with you about the fact that he's thinking about returning -- that tells me that DB is working! b) He may be baiting you to tell him how much you want him back. He's dangling a carrot to see how quickly you'll jump at it. You've shown him some distance, and that you can survive without him, and that's knocked him off balance. The e-mail he's sent is very non-committal. He's saying that he's afraid that coming back to you is just the path of least resistance. That's not what you want to be. You want him to WANT to be back and to be convinced it's what he wants. Whereas the e-mail is progress, it is not good enough to get Hopeful321 back!
I think you're best served longer term by being a bit hard to get right now.
Bklynmom's e-mail was good, but I might sit on it for a day or two before sending it to see what happens if you don't jump the minute he makes an overture.
Make him work.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
I love when I'm wrong! Happy for you, Hopeful!!!! Love the response that was posted too. Saying prayers for you! Take it slow and post here before you respond to him if you need to. And I think the counseling is a great idea (I just started that too, huge help!).
Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16
Dating 4/07 M 10/08 Bomb #1 12/10 Bomb #2 1/11 Bomb #3 12/11
I am doing okay. Been doing alot of talking with H and he agrees that we need to deal with issues before we make any big decisions. I have noticed some small changes with him and I like them. I just hope the changes continue.
He came over tonight and we ate dinner and he helped with our D. We put her to bed and he stayed for about an hour then left.
I am praying that we are heading in the right direction.
I can really relate to your sitch! My 'H' said pretty much the same things to me less than a week ago. We're not rebuilding, though. He's taking time to work on his changes. I think your H should do the same. Mine is a cake eater as well, and boy has that been confusing and so hard to to deal with.
Reading your threads made me look at my sitch in a new light. I can see the manipulation so much easier when it's not my situation I'm looking at.
My advice to you is to really take it slow. I'd still go dark, honestly. Rushing back into this often destroys what progress had been made. Give him time to MISS you and to pursue you!
M & H 25 T 9 D 7 S 4 Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me. Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out 2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other. 3-4-12 H moved back in. 3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done
I do want to take it slow. I told him that before we can try and rebuild, we needed to work on some issues and he agreed. And you are right, I do need to go dark and I am hoping to do that this week.
WOW! What a day already. My H sent me a text with a pic. He said he wanted to show me this before I saw it. He is wearing his wedding bankd again and he said he changes his FB status back to Married.
I replied back, That was the best birthday present ever. Thank you.
I still want to go slow. I told him this the other night. And he agreed.
M & H 25 T 9 D 7 S 4 Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me. Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out 2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other. 3-4-12 H moved back in. 3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done
