Opening Up

[Concerned_Listener]

Go get 'em tiger. You are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO close.

Thanks. I've been hard on myself this week for still having this problem, so it helps to have encouragement. I'm looking forward to the book.

CL

[Lanzo]

Wow CL,
A lot has happened in the last week.

I was going to wade in as well, but as most of my thoughts have already been summerised in the last few posts I will hold back. However, as there is a lot of direct adult talk going on I thought I would highlight a couple of things.

When we got home my W climbed into bed and wanted sex. I decided I better make it my best effort, or else squander the opportunity. I managed to have an erection, but could not get to the state of arousal needed.

I know you said you don’t need medical help but I’m sure the little blue pill could have maintained your erection long enough, even if it was only for your W’s benefit.

She's not looking to be "held." She's looking to be _______ 'd.

I’m sure Starsky and I were telling you that this was the case back in September 2011

changed my thread title to CL Seeks God,

I’m sure Starsky and I told you back in September 2011,that you do too much of this .(Too much introspective and not enough action), Just checked, Starsky mentions in again recently.

CL do you get horney? Do you feel attracted to women? Is being more sexual something you want for yourself? Or is it just about the marriage?

I’m sure I asked you a similar question back in September 2011 but got I a vague answer, however I'm glad to see you are up a bit more open with your answers now (as seen next).

I do get sexually aroused. I probably masturbate weekly (which I should stop). I enjoy looking at attractive women. I would like to be more sexual.

If you want to read a book. Have you read Passionate Marriage. I think that might really appeal to your analytical side and fairly directly address your situation.

I’m going to go against the crowd on this one, I think you’ve done plenty of reading, now is the time to follow up on your actions. Small or large you need to be doing not reading.

There will need to be a next time and a time after that and so on.

This needs to be dictated by you with you in control, you W is crying out for you to take control.

That was going to be it from me but after reading this

The latest conflict has to do with the pets (2 cats and dog). My W sometimes has a low tolerance for the dog (barking, jumping on the bed when she's trying to sleep, barking outside when he wants us to play with him or to come inside). We keep his bed in the bedroom. He chews his bone on the bed, and leaves bone fragments on the bed which infuriates her. I'll plan on washing the sheets weekly, vacuuming the bed regularly, and keeping the pets out of the bedroom in the morning and keeping the door locked so she can have some peace.

I now know why your W can be so hard on you.

But as always CL I will say keep pressing on as you have made some small strides forward.

Lanzo

[sgctxok]

Lose the fear.


Starsky

I'm having a hard time doing that.

CL

I know, and I do understand -- a longtime SSM here myself.

I suggest this: combine the two thoughts. DO pray, but instead of asking God to "improve my marriage," pray for Him to "help me lose my fear, and do what I need to do to improve my marriage."

Subtle (yet important) difference.


Starsky

good advice