....I mean, heal from what? My actions? Filing for D? And what does "heal" mean? Move on and be free from M once and for all? Listen, I know I shouldn't read this much into it and I'm trying to keep my brain in check, but now I have questions.
Are you an engineer?
Don't worry about every comma, look at the general tone. It was good. And I think the timing was spot on. You gave her things to think about and she responded in a thoughtful way, not an angry, rejecting way.
You've stirred her.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
First of all for today be the man with courage and integrity that you weren't before.
We have a little saying around here:
You can't talk your way out of something you acted your way into.
The letter and her response is positive. I'm with 25 on that. But you should have no expectations.
And this is over when YOU say it is.
Not because of some judge or a piece of paper.
Originally Posted By: Crimson
The only reason I think that now is that I have spent a lot of time digging into myself and my contributions to our meltdown and trying to rectify things.
There is a time to look at these things and you have done so.
Now.
Forgive yourself. Your remorse serves you best in your own contrition and healing.
When you keep apologizing it is pursuing, needy, and reminding her of how long she suffered your behavior.
Act your changes. Live your changes. Whether she is looking or not.
Whether you think she is watching or not. She is.
Be strong today.
Best.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
You owe someone $100. I'm not an engineer. But I was a banker for almost 10 years and an MBA. Soooooo......yeah, I have a problem with excessive analysis. I am a marketer by trade and education. Now
Discovered that today's legal "festivities" will be conducted telephonically. Ergo, I won't have to be in a courtroom with my wife and her lawyer. Rather, I will be in my lawyers office for it with a judge on the line. Still....I am apprehensive, but I will do my best with it. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers. I am sincerely appreciative.
Working on forgiving myself, TG. To be honest, spelling things out for my W helped. I think I am at a relatively new phase of this process now. I have no intent to keep apologizing or pursuing. I feel that I have placed my feelings on the table and that only needs to be done once. If we ever talk face to face about these matters, I will address them.
BTW, GM - I think it just weighs heavy on me because (as campy as this sounds) I never wanted to be someone to break my wife's heart. That is hard to swallow - but a truth nonetheless. I had the best of intentions - and unbeknownst to myself, I was traveling in the opposite direction. I hurt her to the point of making a gut-wrenching decision. I don't like the fact that I did that one bit.
BTW, GM - I think it just weighs heavy on me because (as campy as this sounds) I never wanted to be someone to break my wife's heart. That is hard to swallow - but a truth nonetheless. I had the best of intentions - and unbeknownst to myself, I was traveling in the opposite direction. I hurt her to the point of making a gut-wrenching decision. I don't like the fact that I did that one bit.
Crimson
You're not alone on this one. Can't change the past. We can only move forward...
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
So the judge decides not to show up today. Lovely. Thank you, wheels of justice for your efficient and effective grinding. I sat in my Ls office while he was on tbe phone with Ws L and court clerk arranging dates. Also drafted a $ proposal for spousal maint. and child support. If this goes through to the end, I am going to end up paying a lot of money for a long time for a D I would saw my foot off to avoid. If we have a hearing, the whole banana could be done around May. If there is no hearing, maybe sooner.
Thanks GM, my W is a good person. She is a good person and a beautiful soul - I have never contradicted that in this process regardless of how angry I've gotten. Never meant to hurt her, never meant to let her down, never meant to break her heart. Hell, I didn't even know I was doing it.
I still pray that there is hope for me, my W, my S and my M. Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, advice and guidance.
Crimson buddy - I am so glad you did this. I have never seen anyone agonize so much over what to do as you did for this letter, but I think this was the best thing you could have ever done, and yes, I believ without a doubt the seed was planted.
C man - maybe the judge not showing was divine providence. Your wife is going to have time to think about your letter to her and she seems very receptive to its meaning.
Stay strong, no need to backslide. I believe she does see the man you have become. And I think she will reflect on why she had to leave to make this all happen, but maybe she will see what growth has come out of this.
Now