I have followed your sitch from day 1. I think we have both grown and matured through this whole process as well as healed in a similar time frame. Life is what we make of it.....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
They are all on different time tables. I fully expect my ex to regress again.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
hello Trusting I read in the beginning of this thread that you and X and OW were at a school function and talking and he turned and kissed OW. Sometimes being on the defense for so long hurts more than you realize. For me if this had happened while I was talking to my X, I simply would have rolled my eyes or made a face, laughed and just turned and walked away, not even saying goodbye, just walked away. It is your ability to send the message that you will not tolerate any bad behavior on your part. It just makes them stop and think. To me it has become more powerful to let my feelings and actions say what I mean without saying a word. You will get to this point someday, it is only by becoming stronger within yourself that will help heal you and stop the pain and hurt. Stop addressing and analyzing his behavior, instead take the time to analyze and learn what you will tolerate and put up with, it will help you heal faster and stronger, so that the next time you are prepared for his idiotic imbecilic behavior. And stop giving her so much power.. she is really nothing...absolutely nothing and if you understand that you hold all the power because you were married to him for 25 years, that you had a marriage, children, home and family that she craves, you are way ahead of her in importance..You always will be, no matter what, do not allow her to take that away from you by acknowledging her in any regard any , get stronger day by day, find your strength and do not tolerate his or hers behavior to dictate you life...and never , ever acknowledge her never... I am sorry if this sounds harsh. I once had a psychiatric patient say to me " you mean what you say and say what you mean" I guess that is true. One day you will reach a point that tolerance of idiotic behavior is a thing of the past, you will get there, hang in there
M54 H54 married 30 years Prostitues and Other women "100's" 10/7/2004 Prostitue/Junkie girlfriend 6/04-1/07? Left 1/5/05 returned 1/9/05 Asked h to leave 4/2005 Had to, prostitues OW 5/2005 not a prostitue Divorced 9/2006
Thanks for your post Itsy, I could not agree with you more that the OW is just a nothing. I am slowly beginning to not give her any power. Being face to face with her was very empowering to me. Sometimes when we are not around the OW we get a false perception of them being "more" than we are. Coming face to face with her made me see how very insecure and pathetic she is. She is hanging on to my ex for dear life.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Ex came by the house to pick up daughter for the day. He was somewhat sad looking. He was pleasant to me and very agreeable to the schedule with daughter so I was grateful for that. He will be coming by in the morning to drop her off. I am seeing him alot more that usual. I don't know if this is good or bad, it is just different. I am much more detached so it is not playing on my emotions like before. Before he left, I wished him a happy New Year and shook his hand. He kind of chuckled at this gesture, but oh well.....
He still talks in projections at times but he is far from being the monster he used to be.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Ex getting alot of heat from OW regarding spending time with me. That explains the irritability/sadness I saw yesterday. Kids have told me that OW is demanding a wedding date. They have been arguing more lately. The pressure is on. She must be getting nervous and scared. Boy have the tables turned. I hope he is seeing her true colors. What a situation he has gotten himself in.
I am very much at peace lately. I really love my life, kids, job, friends, etc...
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
It will interesting to see how this plays out. You stay firmly tucked into your own life that you are loving. Let him go through whatever he is going through.
Trusting, I'm glad that your xh was calm this holiday and came to visit w/you and your family for a bit. Yes, the ow's true colors are coming out. The tables are turning and he's going to get a full dose of what pressure and control are really all about. Sounds like she's starting to feel a bit threatened by his visits to your home...oh well, she better get use to that. Many of these fools end up being pressured to get married and they do it and then regret it for the rest of their lives because they are too proud and/or stupid to realize that they didn't have to do it. They don't know how to say no to the op while in crisis...it's really going to be interesting to see if he does set a date or if he will break it off w/her.
I agree w/EverHopeful, continue on w/your life, the life you are now enjoying. You've come a long way and do not need to fall back into the rabbit's hole again. Sounds like the new year is going to be a interesting one for many.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
