Wife left

[CO1978]

Just journaling...Not much today. W called earlier today. She asked what days I was off so she could pick S up. I told her I don't go back to work until Sunday, which she is off so she will come get him (stay here until he wakes) in the morning. She asked if S was ok after the way she left Thursday (we were both in tears, S noticed and was a little upset) and to reiterate making sure I dress him warm enough. I told her I know how to take care of our S, she apologized and said she just worries about him and knows I know how to take care of him. I told her not to worry, its just her mother instinct taking over. I don't want to sound mean, but I hope her not seeing S until Sunday helps kick reality in to her, that this is how its going to be if we don't work things out. I know it was too painful for me to be away from him for 2 days, she will have to deal with it, because she is the one who walked out and I am not going to go without him. She mentioned she saw my Facebook post of putting the Christmas tree up and S sitting in front of tree. Other than that once again we talked about her work, S talked to her a little too (was on speaker phone), and that was that. My GALing went crappy though. Drove an hour and a half (because of traffic) to my hometown to see Christmas light show with S, only to find out when I got there I forgot my wallet. So drove home disappointed (another hour and a half, damn traffic). S made me feel good when I told him "Sorry we can't see the light show or Santa today, daddy forgot his wallet." He replied "That's ok daddy, its not your fault." That really made it all ok. Well tomorrow is my work's children's Christmas party, so I'll make it up to him there.

[CO1978]

So today is 30 days sober for me, longest I have ever gone without drinking voluntarily. My body feels a lot better for it, and I know in the long run I will be a better person for it. It is a lot harder for me to GAL with that obstacle and being winter. The main thin I have been doing is spending WAY more time with my S. Still exercising as well, although I can't get a big run in when I have him. Today I took him to a children's Christmas party, he kept asking for mommy.
I can't get it out of my head that she is spending more time out (at the bars) with her friends now since she doesn't have us. I am afraid of the negative impact those friends may be having on her mind (one is afraid of commitment, but afraid to be alone and is now thinking of leaving her fiancé, the other is a single mom who has a boyfriend).
So yeah changes are great and all, but they still can't fill that empty void. I am actually starting to dream (yeah that means real sleep) the last few nights and all my dreams are of her coming back to me, and it really [censored] when you wake back up to reality. This is the longest we have gone without sex as well. I guess that doesn't get any easier to deal with either. I don't get any sexual urges until I see her and I want to hold her and well you get the point. So yeah I'm pretty much falling back into that depressed state, if I was ever out of it.

[CO1978]

This morning W came over for the usual exchange of S. We talked the normal about her work, wished her a nice day and left. I came home and saw she took more stuff. More of her books, lots of pictures off walls and shelves. Took the pictures of us, wedding pictures, wedding presents, nic nacs, a lamp or two. I am afraid to go to work anymore with her in house, no clue what she will take. I feel like I'm on a collision course. What can I do?

[CO1978]

Oh and the kick to the groin, she took her stocking that I had hung on the wall. So much for Christmas spirit.

[WenikiTiki]

Ouch! I was looking at my stockings, planning on this Christmas. And wondering if at then end of this Christmas when I packed up our stuff was that something I would be dividing up? I have all matching ones with our names embroidered on them. Yep, that had to hurt!

[edgarb]

CO1978,

The holidays can be a tough time for us can't they? The important thing now is that you don't give up hope. Not sure how far you are in the books yet, but one thing DR (i think) says is "Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see." It's important to remember that. I'm proud of you for putting the tree up. I know that was hard for you. I did the same thing yesterday and my situation was the same as yours...I did the heavy lifting and wife decorated. It's good for you to do it yourself though. It was hard for me as well, but I'm glad I did it.

Fantastic job on sobriety! That is truly something to be proud of. Stick with it. It is better for you and your son and it definitely isn't going to hurt your relationship with your wife. Keep up the good work! I'm very proud of you!

As for your wife going out to bars, etc., try not to worry about that too much. I catch myself worrying about who my EW is hanging out with and what kind of influence those people are having on her. Just like in your sitch, it seems like my EW hangs out with people who aren't really for marriage and they are definitely not going to be telling her to come back to me. There is nothing you can do about who she hangs out with though so you just kind of have to roll with it. Pretty soon, going out to bars gets old. Sure, at first it's nice to have the attention it may bring, but going out and drinking all the time is really a pretty boring activity. I'm also a recovering alcoholic and all I ever did was drink. It never brings any solutions but rather just makes things more cloudy. I know it must bother you for her to go out like that, but if you say anything at all about it to her then she will just do it more.

Keep up the good work!

[CO1978]

Thanks for the words of encouragement Edgar. I think I am losing who I am, and slowly breaking down. I can't control my emotions anymore. Again I came home today, and again W moved more stuff out. This time she focused on the kitchen. Food and appliances, I don't even know what is gone anymore. At least she straightened up as she took the stuff. She took more out of the living room too, like I said I don't even know what anymore, I can just tell stuff is missing. I want to confront her and yell at her that she is killing me on the inside, and she is a quitter and a coward for running away, but I also know it will only make it worse as there is no reasoning with her. She is supposed to bring S here today. So that means tomorrow, she will empty some more stuff out. Very hard to keep positive with all this. Everytime she takes something out of the house it hurts more and more.

[gunny]

Hello CO,
Just started reading your sitch, went through a similar sitch 7 weeks ago. Sorry you are going through this, but you are doing rhe right things, giving her space, not engaging in r talks, etc. I came to this board late and didnt get this advice, I wrote my s a letter owning up to my faults/responsibility, and it greatly contributed to her heading out the door faster than originally planned.

Keep listening to the vets on this board, they have been around, and have great advice!
Good luck and continue to lean forward!

[CO1978]

Thanks gunny and semper fi. I'm trying to keep to the LRT but it is so hard. I'm going to keep pretending I don't notice her moving out littl by little. We talked on phone about her dropping son off, I mentioned I wanted to see him because it almost 2 days, had to bite my tongue when she said she just went 3 days without seeing him (you shouldn't have moved out!) she is really worried because his asthma is acting up, (once again the 2 of us could take care of him better than just 1.

[CO1978]

So W dropped S off, discussion went well. We talked about his asthma and if it doesnt get better we will take him to ER tonight. So far he seems like it might be getting better, probably to many dogs and cats over at the MILs house. I had asked her if she looked of the book on bipolar, she said she didn't really see all the signs except the hypersexuality. She said it seemed like I always wanted sex. I told her I couldn't help it, you have that affect on me, like right now. She said she didn't feel attractive, I told her she is, and brought up the day we met (she had just gotten off work at a warehouse job), she thought she looked terrible, I told her it was love at first sight. She smiled and she actualy said if she needed sex she knew where to go. We had a few laughs about some other stuff on that topic and I flirted some more with her. It was really good to see her smile and laugh. She didn't seem so cold like she had been. I just hope she doesn't turn this conversation against me.