Not really new...

[Soxfan2008]

Not really new here, but it's been a while.

I first posted in 2005 after I asked H to leave. We reconciled, but now I am done.

My kids were little before, now they are both teenagers. I was doing my Master's degree before, now I am doing my EdD.

H and I had a blow up 2 summers ago, and since then, I've been going through the motions. I knew when H moved back into the house in 2007, that things would be hard; and that he was really only coming back because of money.

I don't have much time tonight, I have papers due, but I wanted to get on and find some strength to take control of my life again.

Before I Db'd to save myself and my marriage. This time, it's just for me.

Thanks

Sox

[grebjack]

I'm sorry to hear that your "bust" didn't last. I hope the second heartbreak will at least yield peace.

I think I know why it's relevant that your kids are older, but I'm curious why it is central to your update that you've progressed from masters to doctorate. Do you mean to illustrate that your life is progressing except for your marriage?

Best wishes,

a fellow educator

[Soxfan2008]

Not sure Other than that maybe time moves on, but some things don't change? It's almost 7 years later, and reading back over my old posts, it's freaky how I could write almost the same things, but change the ages of my kids and the word Master's for Doctorate.

My H is still controlling, still can't communicate, still doesn't support me the way I need, still can't be relied on to complete a task or keep a promise....

I know that's a vent (I just walked out of the house this morning after a blow up, so things are still a bit fresh). I didn't yell, I didn't say anything, I just let him keep going as I walked out to run errands and hit the library for school.

I'm trying to get papers done and get the nerve to walk in the door and ask him to find a place to live if he hasn't already.

Yes, I think this time there will be peace. I was a mess after the last time- tears, emotional wreck.... this time; not a tear yet.

[Valeska19]

Red Sox or White Sox?

I'm a Cub's fan so you answer will completely determine how much we communicate on this board!

J/K

Welcome back.. sorry things didn't work out as planned. I DB primarily for myself and it has been life changing.

[Soxfan2008]

Red is my color

But when push comes to shove, I'd support the Cubs to get to the world series; although if the Cubs were playing my Sox, they'd have to lose.

Thanks for the support. That's why I'm back.

[~¤DG¤~]

Hi Soxfan-

I wasn't on the boards when you were on here last, so I'm not caught up on your sitch.

You say that your H is still the same way. Do you feel that you are the same as well or have the changes you've made with previous DBing stuck?

I'm sorry you've found yourself back here, but it sounds like you had a lot of support.

[Soxfan2008]

good question DG!

I actually think that most of them have stuck. I don't yell, I don't get angry, I have been less compulsive about a neat house (although that last one has led to many unhappy and stressful times on my part), I don't nag, I don't ask for something more than once....I've encouraged H in his teaching endeavor and helped him with his classwork (despite my beliefs about alternate route to licensure teachers), I have kept quiet when he talked about teaching being easy (which if you knew me- keeping quiet isn't my strong suite).... I have tried to be upbeat, I have tried to include him in events (even though he still says no).....

-Sox

[Sad_but_happy]

Hi Sox,

I'm going to follow your sitch closely. We are very similar.

1. I grew up in Boston. Huge Sox fan. But now live where the Cubs live (not a Cubs fan tho).

2. I have a 13 year old and a 15 year old. Similar to your childrens ages.

3. I busted my M a year ago. But my W is still the same. Short fuse, frustrated daily, yells constantly at the kids and me. Not warm or understanding.

Wife does not get along well with any of her friends, the girls in the heighborhood, her parents or sister, our kids, she was even fired at work just a month ago.

I am feeling myself drift again emotionally. Trying hard to hold on.

Good luck with your decisions. I envy your strength and confidence. Like you, I feel myself moving away from my wife... And it scares me.

Hoping the best for you.

[sgctxok]

Hi Sox-

I was just checking in and saw this! I remember you!

You posted some of these things in the 'be irresistible' (sp?) thread, and I wondered if they will help you to take care of yourself.

What is it that makes you laugh so hard you can't stop?

Eddie Izzard- any one of his stand up comedy videos. "Pee your pants" funny

What gives you a giggling fit?

Teaching my Tiny Tots gymnastics classes. They are the funniest cand cutest little guys and girls ((Sidenote - most nights H is at gymnastics --kids-- and gets to see me laughing and giggling it up))

What makes you soooooooo relaxed and peaceful?

An aromatherapy bubble bath, Chopin playing, and a glass of red wine

What puts you in the mood to be very kind?
a smile

What causes you to be patient standing in line?

watching the little kids play around. Sometimes I even make faces at them. (Yes I'm the one at church who makes the children laugh and squeel during the service while their parents are trying to get them to be quiet)


What do you do for yourself that makes you feel so cared for, like you're taking great care of yourself?

Get my hair done, work out everyday at gymnastics, eat yogurt.

What do you do for yourself that makes you happy, like it's ok that no one is around?

This is going to sound really out there--- but mow the lawn, put the laundry away, clean the kitchen and vacuum. (I hadn't mowed a lawn since I was 13!!! It was very fulfilling. I might out grow it, but for now...)

Are these same things true?


I'm thinking you were a WHITESOX fan, is that right (I am too!...mostly because I'm a Reds fan in Chicagoland, which means I can never be a CUBS fan....and my man is a WhiteSox fan).


I'm wishing you well, better than well, actual happiness and joy.

[sgctxok]

Oops--see its Boston. No matter. Well, not a HUGE matter.

Hang in there.