Hi vc Hope your are having a good morning. Its cloudy and drizzling here too. We had really nice weather the past 4 days sunny and 80.You will definately need your son to help you with driveway, cuz the bucket of sealer weights about 50 lbs. when i was putting it in my shopping cart i pinched my leg between the cart and the bucket and i have a black and blue, it hurt alot. my son doesnt help me do much, i sometimes take his car key away if he doesnt do what i ask. hes a good kid though thank God. my h is a very stubborn person , and i know it would take so much work to get him to leave ow. I think maybe she is d now and knowing my h he feels responsible to take care of her . even if he did want to leave her he couldnt cuz she is living at mil house and h would not make her leave and it would cause his mother stress if that happened too. i think maybe there might be hope when his mother passes away, not that i want her to. but then h could move out of his mothers house and move home easier. i think now there is no way h would leave his mother and ow. he always cared more about his mother than his own family which is not good. he was adopted and i always thought they had a dysfunctonal kind of love between them, not sexual just not healthy.
my h is a very stubborn person , and i know it would take so much work to get him to leave ow. I think maybe she is d now and knowing my h he feels responsible to take care of her . even if he did want to leave her he couldnt cuz she is living at mil house and h would not make her leave and it would cause his mother stress if that happened too. i think maybe there might be hope when his mother passes away, not that i want her to. but then h could move out of his mothers house and move home easier. i think now there is no way h would leave his mother and ow. he always cared more about his mother than his own family which is not good. he was adopted and i always thought they had a dysfunctonal kind of love between them, not sexual just not healthy.
Wow, must be over a dozen assumptions in just this one paragraph that may or may not be true ....
Just saying.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
My S and I will come up with projects to do together, like fixing up the old car and putting a new floor in the bathroom. He gets a little lazy at times and doesn't feel like helping me with stuff, but when it comes to those projects, he jumps right in. Yeah, if we did the driveway, he would have to do much of the work. Weather-wise here, it's cloudy, no more rain, and starting to warm up into the low 70's. This in between weather is a pain, because you never know if it's going to be cold or warm. And I want to wear my sweaters!
If your H decided he wanted to come back to you, he would figure out what to do. The ow can get her own place. Who cares as long as she would be gone? My H is as stubborn as a mule, too, but he can do what needs to be done. Rather than think he will come back after MIL is dead, why not make some contact now, with H and MIL? Put yourself back into H's life. It may be uncomfortable for you and him at first, but keep on. A bit of discomfort to be traded for possible happiness in the end will be worth it. And if it doesn't work out and you end up D, anyway, you will know you tried your best.
About the other thing I asked you about; what you feel your H has gotten into that is evil and dark; could you tell me what it is you think he is doing?
And about the statement about your H being adopted, and his and his mother's love being dysfunctional but not sexual, what do you mean? My F, after one divorce after another would go live with his M, my GM. I had an aunt, who was very self-righteous, who would refuse to go into the house, instead shouting from outside that evil was going on inside. My big sis told me she thought our aunt believed it was sexual or something. It takes a real nasty mind to come up with that. My F loved his M and was the youngest child, so their R was special. My H goes to his M's EVERY day now that FIL is gone. He does her errands, fixes things around her house, listens to her stories. I encourage him to take her to lunch when he takes her to the doctor. I am not jealous of my MIL. I know one day she will be gone, and I wouldn't want him to feel I resented his R with her.
i was at my wits end today over this situation. I text h and said i wish you knew the pain i have everday waking up thinking about my you living and sleeping with someone else. I just had to get this out, im so angry about this situation. ive kept my mouth shut long enough. Please dont criticize me for doing this i am feeling really bad already.
he owned a bread route and i would help him once in awhile ( i always loved helping him no matter what we were doing together), we would go to the grocery store where he delivered, all the woman would flirt with him like i wasnt there. we also owned a health club, the woman there would flirt with him, and one asked him to come to her apt. to help her hang curtains and he went. i found out about that about 3 yrs ago. i didnt trust her. if we were in the car and i was freezing he wouldnt put the heat on for me or if he had the ac on, and i was cold he didnt care, he only cared about his comfort . if we went shopping he would hand me the bags to carry because he didnt want to carry them. when i first met him he got us into legal trouble, he always twisted things around in his head that what he was doing was ok, he never had guilt about anything , which i thought was not normal. another time i had a really good job and he did something illegal even though he got warnings from the co. to stop doing it, and i too, told him to stop, but he wouldn't. he could have gone to federal prison because of it, but they let him quit instead. Does this sound like a narcissist?
He may well be a narcissist. One of my sisters is like that. Did he do something illegal that hurt your job? Do you think he has stopped doing these things? Why do you think he may be doing things like this, still?
My H will let me freeze if I don't tell him to turn the heat on, so maybe your H is normal in that respect. Now some women will flirt and carry on with a married man even when the wife is present. I've seen it. It's up to the H to act right, and, unfortunately, too many of them don't
Are you willing to try to see if there anything left for you with him? Has there ever been any signs of A ending?
Rysmom, you have so much to think about, and eventually, decisions to make.
he owned a bread route and i would help him once in awhile ( i always loved helping him no matter what we were doing together), we would go to the grocery store where he delivered, all the woman would flirt with him like i wasnt there. we also owned a health club, the woman there would flirt with him, and one asked him to come to her apt. to help her hang curtains and he went. i found out about that about 3 yrs ago. i didnt trust her. if we were in the car and i was freezing he wouldnt put the heat on for me or if he had the ac on, and i was cold he didnt care, he only cared about his comfort . if we went shopping he would hand me the bags to carry because he didnt want to carry them. when i first met him he got us into legal trouble, he always twisted things around in his head that what he was doing was ok, he never had guilt about anything , which i thought was not normal. another time i had a really good job and he did something illegal even though he got warnings from the co. to stop doing it, and i too, told him to stop, but he wouldn't. he could have gone to federal prison because of it, but they let him quit instead. Does this sound like a narcissist?
factually speaking, he's a criminal and you sound like you enabled him, as have others. He rationalizes his behavior ("twists") and feels no guilt. Hmm...
OTOH, you have never said anythiing like this before. ON the contrary, You've always lauded his wonderful qualities and how generous he is with you and how considerate...and how much you loved him and how happy you two were, and all that stuff.
hard for me to reconcile the two versions of him.
If he did something illegal and serious (not something arguable like hoping the IRS doesn't disagree b/c he made a plausible argument for a deduction that didn't work) that's clearly morally wrong and you witnessed it
that's something you have to factor into who he is. And your acceptance of it is too.
Did it matter before now? If not, why not?
If so, why didn't you ever say anything like this about him before?
RM, if you don't want to answer those questions here, okay.
But at least let me know you read them and that you are thinking of them so I don't feel that the real questions go ignored, okay?
Certainly this side of him explains a lot. I don't know about an MLC so much as just possibly, more of the same with him.
Maybe when He wants something, he takes it and doesn't think the rules apply to him.
Sorry RM
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
