Divorce is coming soon.

[Goodfight]

Thanks AJM and 25. Yes it does make sense 25. I fell for it again, H just seemed for the first time that he meant what he was saying about regrets. When he admitted to being messed up in the head and needing help I really honestly thought that was a big step, but obviously not.....according to this site.

It won't happen again, I know I've said it before but didn't follow through a couple of times and I think it was because I just wanted to feel loved again. This last time I fell for it because of his admission to being ill. And also him saying that he is so confused and can't think straight a lot of times. I felt sorry for him, he told me he's always alone, has no friends, and no life and is so down about everything. I wanted to be there for him and help and obviously after a few days he went back to being mean and evil and didn't want me to be there for him. I don't know.

What I do know is until he decides and goes through with getting help I won't be used again. I feel like a real a** now. I read somewhere on here that it is a good thing if you still have relations even if separated as long as there is no OP in their life. Wow, that was way off I guess. Cause I got attached again. I still do have a life, and you're right 25, why do I care what they think of me. H made me feel that way and I started to care what they thought of me because he said it would be so much easier if there wasn't tension with his family. So I thought do the right thing (by God) and try to make amends with them. That was back in Jan., only to be rejected by them also, but I was doing it for H, not them.

Okay, got to start to detach all over again. I already GAL and have had one for a while now, and it feels good.

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks AJM and 25. Yes it does make sense 25. I fell for it again, H just seemed for the first time that he meant what he was saying about regrets. When he admitted to being messed up in the head and needing help I really honestly thought that was a big step, but obviously not.....according to this site.

Needing help and getting help and THEN getting healthy are 3 very different things...I bet you see that now...

It won't happen again, I know I've said it before but didn't follow through a couple of times and I think it was because I just wanted to feel loved again.

Thing is, you did NOT end up feeling loved again. You confused sex with intimacy, which is what we WANT it to be...but he's not well enough to be kind or healthy or capable of true intimacy.

This last time I fell for it because of his admission to being ill. And also him saying that he is so confused and can't think straight a lot of times. I felt sorry for him, he told me he's always alone, has no friends, and no life and is so down about everything.

So, ^^^ pity is a turn on?


I wanted to be there for him and help

= you wanted him to choose you. I get that....except in this situation it won't happen anytime soon...like not in the next year or more, if ever. Too much damage and too weak a man at this time.

and obviously after a few days he went back to being mean and evil and didn't want me to be there for him. I don't know.

You "don't know" what??

What I do know is until he decides and goes through with getting help I won't be used again.

Good for you. Remember, "mistakes are not tragedies- but dear God, let us learn from them".

I feel like a real a** now. I read somewhere on here that it is a good thing if you still have relations even if separated as long as there is no OP in their life. Wow, that was way off I guess.

That's^^^ NOT a DB policy. My DB coach said intimacy was a personal choice -no one can tell you what to do....but if OP is present SOME folks feel there are risks of STDs....others are willing to take the chance.

Others feel it's cake eating and OR, they feel used later on. (Like you do). They should not ML obviously.

Some feel it's a way to reconnect the couple IF there were issues that were affected by sex. I felt in my sitch that it was a way for us to reconnect as it had always been a strength of our m and I couldn't see h missing NO sex...when he was gone. But there was always contact with the kids and nothing weirdly mean from him or his family. That would probably have been a dealbreaker for me, but maybe that's just me.

In your sitch, with his family "dynamics" and zero contact with his d and son, I guess I don't know what you were thinking, vis a vis THEM...but I get the loneliness you felt. Sex usually doesn't solve it though.


Cause I got attached again.

That's a big part of the problem.^^^

I still do have a life, and you're right 25, why do I care what they think of me. H made me feel that way and I started to care what they thought of me because he said it would be so much easier if there wasn't tension with his family.

THEY are the cause of the tension & he enables it. Do not react to it. That way you are not engaging...even crazy people can't go on and on, if you don't react.

So I thought do the right thing (by God) and try to make amends with them. That was back in Jan.,

okay so....lesson learned, right??


Okay, got to start to detach all over again. I already GAL and have had one for a while now, and it feels good.

Excellent. Keep on keeping on and protect those kids!! NO expectations...how are the legal matters going? Are you paying your bills?

[punkin]

Oh Goodfight I am so sorry for what you went through. I know how much you crave just the short burst of intimacy that we as women seem to take so much more importantly than most men. Not to feel as if you have become some sort of pariah.

Just don't believe that you are back to square one in detachment. You've come a very long way, and this was just a setback - nothing else. Do not give it any more importance than that.

Reading you story makes me glad my X never made the attempt, although at some point I dearly craved it.

((blessings))

[jon2911]

Good advice here, good for me to read as well. Hang in there GF, we're pulling for you!