Hey DG...If I could give you some advice...If you do go out with men, but not as a date (or at least, not in your mind), Don't let them pick up the check all of the time. There is a good possibility THEY will think it is a date at that point.
Hey DG...If I could give you some advice...If you do go out with men, but not as a date (or at least, not in your mind), Don't let them pick up the check all of the time. There is a good possibility THEY will think it is a date at that point.
Brian
Good call.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
I don't think it's wrong to spend time with the opposite sex so long as the boundaries are clearly established. I had dinner with a female friend the other night and she knew what I was going through and it was just a way to catch up, hang out and feel good about myself with some good compant. I did dress nicely for it because I've always enjoyed dressing up for dinners and the like. So as long as the intentions are clear from the get go, it should be fine. Just my two pennies.
We discussed my past relationships and how they ended, which has lead me to believe that I am not good with relationships. Correction: up until this point, I have not been good with relationships. I haven't had too many relationships in general, I was with my XH since 11th grade until my mid 20's and dated someone else in between dating my H.
My C asked me to think about this. Instead of thinking that I am not good at relationships, maybe I just had bad partners? The example she used was what if I took up tennis lessons. I practiced, learned some strokes, and then played on a doubles team. Every single match we lost, so I quit tennis because I am not good at it. I run into my coach about 2 weeks after I quit and he asks me "Why did you stop playing?" And I say "because I wasn't good at it. I suked and we never won a match." And my coach says "No, DG. You are a good tennis player, you just had bad partners."
Does that make sense? Obviously she isn't suggesting that I have not contributed to the issues in my relationships that I have been involved in that ended, but she wanted me to look at it as I didn't have the right partners.
It really has given me something to think about.
Thoughts?
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
Your counselor presents an interesting point of view. I would guess that in any relationships, it takes two people to get into it, and it takes two to fall out of it as well.
I've heard the saying before - "You sure know how to pick 'em!" I think that applies to many of us here. On a serious note, maybe some of it has to do with where you come from, where you were at the time. Just remember you are not the same DG anymore, you are new and improved.
DG, of course you can pick the wrong partners. Not all M's end because you're bad at relationships. There are lots of dynamics at play.
Going further on the tennis analogy - if your partner didn't practice as much as you did and his heart just wasn't in the game, what could you have done to motivate him? Probably not much. Sometimes, motivation has to come from within. He probably could have been the right partner for you, but partnership requires commitment, practice, work, etc.
Me: 33, H: 32 M: 12 years T: 13 years No kids D-Day: 7/2009 Separated: 10/12/10 Future Unknown GITS
"There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark." - Adele
Up until this point I haven't had healthy relationships, but going forward things will be different. The next person who is lucky enough to receive my love is going to be one lucky man.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
I think that applies to many of us here. On a serious note, maybe some of it has to do with where you come from, where you were at the time. Just remember you are not the same DG anymore, you are new and improved.