Thank you for continuing to post. Post such as yours and Brooklyn's give us great insight as to the journey of the MLCer as they make their way through the tunnel.
Bea, Was good to see that you had posted an update. I'm praying that he continues to reach out to his children and their partners. It is very much an "inching" process and it takes a lot of patience when they begin reconnecting.
I'm glad to see that you are doing well and are living your life to the fullest. I do hope and pray that some day, you both can be friends once again.
Please continue to post.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Mach, Snodderly and SA, thank you so much for your messages - I did have a break while I regrouped a bit, but the people here are also my friends as well as those in the 'real' world.
I am sad for all the newbies, and grateful for the old timers who are so inspirational. We made it through to a different life, and changed ourselves in the process, and were changed by it as well. Not what we asked for for sure. But as the song says 'And here we are' Stronger, and maybe better. I take much less for granted these days.
Total silence on the xh front, and I believe he is processing hard. It takes them forever to deal with their feelings, and whatever he does or does not do, I am fine. But as with all those we love we want their well being and happiness, and so I hope he can make it through to a place of greater authenticity and find joy in life again. I may or may not be a part of that. Who knows what life has in store?
Had a long chat with second son's gf, who is very upfront.
They stayed with xh recently, as I posted - something that was unthinkable on both sides even a few months back. Anyway towards the end of a late dinner [it was 11 pm]the phone rang and xh sighed deeply and answered it - [she assumed it was OW], as he went outside for a few moments and then came back in a changed mood, and was much less happy and relaxed. The next morning gf asked xh if it was OW, and he said yes, and sighed again, and changed the subject.
Anyway he clearly wants to be friendly with son's gf, and has emailed her asking them to stay again.
Bea, It appears that the relationship between your xh and ow is a bit "taxing" these days. What your son's gf shared is quite interesting and I do hope that they will visit w/him again in the near future.
Bea, thank you for sharing.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly - I have suspected that this relationship was a bit 'taxing' for some time now. Xh has stopped emailing me, although our exchanges have been perfectly pleasant up until that point.
I believe that OW is very threatened by his reconnecting with his children. She succeeded in isolating him for a long time [telling him how horrible his children were for having nothing to do with him, while encouraging behaviours that made it impossible], and he became emotionally dependent on her. Now he is renewing links with his children he will be less dependent.
I shall just wait and watch the drama unfold. Interesting that I have not been included in the photo fest this time.
I wonder if the reconnection starts to awaken feelings in them that they thought they did not have . . . .
The ow is threatened by anything to do w/his past because his attention is not focused on her. She is starting to "feel" the ties that have bound them together are slowly unraveling. She will begin to put pressure on him to remind him that she is still there for him. Eventually she will show her entire hand your xh will be strong enough to walk away from her for good. (At least that is what I am hoping and praying for.)
The awakening does tend to bring the feelings that they have stuffed down for so long back to the top. It's a very slow process, but one that will reveal all and w/you being detached, you'll see the awakening w/clear eyes.
I hope that he wakes up and reconnects w/all of the family. Time is precious.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My H's ow is also very threatened by the children and has behaved in much the same manner as your Xh's ow. H's ow does whatever she can to keep him from spending time with them. When she knows he is with the kids she texts him constantly. What is interesting is that he rarely answers her texts anymore while with the kids.
I also pray that our H/XH wake up in time to mend fences with their children. As Snodderly said, time is precious.
Snodderly and SA - there is a bit of me that has to laugh at their antics/ But in reality he will be much better and happier without OW. She really is a total drain on any human being.
I just thought the calling at 11 pm and instead of the woman of his dreams calling, and him being happy, he rolls his eyes and sighs . . . .
Let us see what develops next. OW will probably snow him with attention for a while if the pattern is being followed.
Xh was so pleased that his son and gf visited . . .
