Waiting to PIECE. No PEACE when waiting

[♪CS♪]

I told her im getting tired of being plan B

9, do you know HOW ridiculous this sounds right now? How long has it been since the "big change?" What was your expectation on timeline here?

Jesus man, you need to redefine your definition of patience.

And come on, OW should not even be a thought right now. End it. Hard and clean.

You are in no position to try and juggle that. Sounds like you have enough going on already.

Did you read Jacks post on how hard piecing is?

And it hasn't even really started yet?

IF you want this. Step WAY back. Fix your expectations. Your timeline.

Can you handle just being a friend for a while? Can you give BOTH of you some time to heal and get to a spot to move forward?

[MHL]

9,
I am going to tell you something, you are instilling FEAR in your W when you say sh!t like this VVVVVVV down here.

she asked if that involved effing other womn and i said, IDK, u knnow what i want but i dont know if i can just sit around all summer while u make up mind.

and guess what??????

yup, she reacted out of fear........

She got angry at that.

Well DUH!!!!!

This is simple..........

BE NICE

DON'T BE MEAN.

What you said up there was plain and simple mean, it wreaks of anger, resentment, payback, judgement and all the other sh!t YOU need to exise out of your brain with a LASER.......ASAP.

She is telling you in her way that she wants you but is afraid.

She f@cked up big time and knows it. She is looking to you to see if you are MAN enough to overcome it, can you forgive her????

I would not want to be with someone the rest of my life if they were going to hold something over my head the rest of my life.

Let me give you an alternative to that conversation......

9: I think i need to continue with my plan to unwind this summer.

W: Does that involve effing another woman?

9: No it does not but I understand that you are concerned about it, would you like to tell me about it???

W: I just can't get the idea out of my head.

9: I understand exactly how you are feeling, I would like to reassure you that I am committed to us but I have feelings that I am dealing with too. I would like to work on this together when you are ready, let me know when you would like to talk about this more and maybe we could come up with a plan.

And that is how it starts.

Someone has to put down their "hurt" first.

The other thing you are forgeting here is TIME.......

and you are putting PRESSURE on her big time with this......

u knnow what i want but i dont know if i can just sit around all summer while u make up mind.

I know you are part of this wonderful group here and trust me I had the same support and 2x4's when I needed them so I will pass this along with that in mind.

You effed up dude.

I know you are unsure and that is fine. If you can't do the interactions right then don't do them and be honest with her and tell her that you are working through some sh!t and need some space.

Do you want this woman???

Do you Love this woman???

You need to figure out what you want first, then commit to it and follow through.........Actions match Words.

Listen I know you got a lot going on......life s@cks and its unfair, there is my sympathy.

I am not going to apologize for being harsh, think about the message you are sending to your kids.

You guys are spending time together, making love, probably being affectionate in front of the boys......and your not sure!!!!!

Dude you need to get it together.

Cheers

[ninelives]

Thanks for replies JACK TG, always appreciate vet insigt.

Jack, ur w had affair, did she show love 4 u after or did that take time?

TG, your words ring true,, as always.

CS. i hear what u r saying, just need to step back sometimes and think were i waS nd where i am now.

MHL' awesome post, I know i effed up. ur 2x4s were well received. Thank u sir, may i hae another. i will try and b her friend for now. its so difficult.

She did text me last night and was very confused. i will try and remember but not getting any sleep again so not thinking clear.

W: im only going to say this once. I may regret this forever ut i think u should see how r with ow turns out. i dont want to b rrason u lose a potentially great r. im too mixed up to know what i want

M: NOT in a text please

W| i am sorry. i cant talk to u. Its too much pressure

M" DONT DO THIS VIA A TEXT

ILL FINISH LATER i dont have energy right now. and i have to getback to floor.

9

[Jack_Three_Beans]

9,

After an affair and after broken trust, and remaking a marriage?

did that take time

Anything worth having takes time.
Cause you earn it.

[ninelives]

CS if u r reading along need ur help. i KNOW U R A COMPUTER WHIZ and r good at doing music compilations . under the gun a little, she asked me to help with music for moms memorial set to pics. mom was born in 30's thought might start with judy garland over rainbow. thne benny goodman sing sing swing.

nana mouskouri i have a dream and police king of pain. (mom liked those artists) country, if u have time could u give me a step by step how to compile these so they are offset with pics. thanks buddy. any suggestions welcome

9

[♪CS♪]

LOL, I don't know about computer wiz, but I think I can help

The easiest (and the tool I usually use) if you are on a PC is "Windows Movie Maker." It is free and should be installed on your computer already. If not, you can download it for free from Microsoft.

The process from there is really easy. Just drag all the pictures you want over. Drag the songs over as well. You can then rearrange the order of the songs/pictures as you like.

There is then a button that helps a lot. It is called "Fit to Music"

What that does is automatically selects the amount of time each image is displayed so the total slideshow ends with the music.

(If the mods do not care) you might want to create another thread just for this and I am happy to help out in any way. That way this won't muddle up your actual thread for advice, 2x4's , etc.

[~ kd ~]

I've got a 2x3 on this... what do you mean Windoze?! Should be Mac or Linux... lol

[♪CS♪]

I've got a 2x3 on this... what do you mean Windoze?! Should be Mac or Linux... lol

Mac. Yes. Linux? No thank you. Been there done that. Expect for my music server.

[greenblue90]

Hey 9
Sorry for coming in late to the 2x4 party. I was at my own party getting smacked for my mistakes.

Well I too pushed my W too hard on something she wasn't ready to discuss. So hard in fact that she went WAW again. She no longer is WAW but a months worth of work seems to have evaporated in a day. Despite not wanting to leave my W took off her band again and is sleeping in the couch. All because I pushed too hard during piecing.

Give her space man, let her come to you. If a conversation seems to not have immediate resolution, table it and visit it later. Much later. I know you want your M back but look at me I actually made things worse, and we both have
to work that much harder because of it.

Remember don't let her blame you for her lows, and most importantly don't be the actual cause of them!!!

[ninelives]

hey guys, sorry havent posted for awhile. just having trouble organizing yhoughts and just plain not sure whats going on in concrete terms. like im the only one on this board to feel like that. Also sorry not offering any advice to others in need. I plan to rectify that soon>

Dont know where to start for updates cause alot has happened but nothing concrete.

went to her place the night b4 memorial which was july 24. So i was there on the 23. Prior to going over, there was a family gathering at her sister's house. Those that know my recent history with her sis know shes not on my christmas list but she has been uber nice to me since my w was beat up.

I did not show at her sisters despite her wanting me there. I went for a ride on my bike. I dropped by her plaace after and it was really hot out. She invited me in and i had the music with me. We listened to the selections I made for her mom's memorial. She then did something really strange. She got up, went to the bathroom, came back with just her panties on. Sat beside me on the couch and then put her legs on my lap. We listened to the music ande then i massaged her legs and feet for the next hour and a half. she liked my selections. i even throuh on our wedding song because it was appropriate for the occasiom, rod stewert have i told u lately that i love u.

anyway, she kicked me out at 11ish, i went home and had a cold shower. just kidding. when i got home there was a message on my machine from her. She was pleading for me to go to her sisters because it was a family gathering and that i was her family.

next day i went to her place to pick up garbage for the dump, i went in and again she just had her panties on, i made a comment about that she should put some clothes on and she said it was so hot. So I got all the kids clothes ready for the memorial, she commented that she was happy that i took care of their clothes, got the pants hemmed downtown, music etc,

she askrd me to pick her up as she wanted us to go as a family. She also said she wanted me to stay close by her.

i am down south visiting my ailing parents right now and will report more later,

9