@BH - I hope you dont mind my responding, even though it is directed toward snow. I think snow is saying that many people cannot relate to standing when they feel God is directing their path in that direction. In scripture, God does provide that He will permit a person to "move on" if their spouse leaves them or commits adultery. He doesn't command the person to move on.
The covenant is one not only between two people but a commitment made to God. If a person feels that God is putting forgiveness and love toward their "prodigal" spouse, we are trying to listen to Him and not to our own desires.
Often, I hear people say that they think God wants them to do something which has included having a person leave their family to participate in a ministry. I encourage anyone, no matter what they feel God is leading them to weigh it against scripture. I seriously doubt that God would have someone leave their family, live with another outside of marriage, etc since it goes against scripture.
I avoid making comments about anyone else in what they decide to do because I am not them and I am not living their life. If I make a comment about what is in scripture, I am applying it to my life.
For me, I know that forgiveness has to be a key point and we are to forgive, even if the other party hasn't asked for forgiveness.
Matthew 18:21-22 "Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus *said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven."
God does hate divorce. He doesn't say that He hates divorce except for certain reasons. He did allow people to divorce in Moses time because of "the hardness of their hearts".
I apologize if I am incorrectly speaking for snow.
@mmf - You put that very well. It is too what I see in my position. I too see that the commitment is not only to each other but to God as well. A marriage is the mirror of the Trinity, three persons united as one.
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
MMF you didn't misspeak. I have spent a few days pondering how to answer BH. I don't recall stating that it was scripture that I read that caused me to stand. In fact, it wasn't scripture. I hesitate stating the conversation exactly that I had with God because I suspect that my husband monitors this forum. Let's just say that God has spoken outside of scripture and it has been confirmed through other people that I am on the right path.
In case you still need scripture BH. Hosea and 1 Corinthians 7:12+ spoke volumes to me.
BH I'm sorry that you don't understand why I am standing but maybe you aren't supposed to understand right now. I have this feeling though that if you are the religous person that you say you are God will make it clear to you when He is ready.
I myself have been in this journey since 2007...no changes on his part...he divorced me back in April...took 3 yrs to do it b ut he finally did..I didnt feel any different.....just sad becuase I am one of those that still love my husband.
I have prayed,fasted, everything I think I shoild be doing ..getting ready for when God returns him home..some in here think we are being stupid for waiting...but I do it cause God has asked me to wait.
I have a life, a job, I like coming and going without having to tell anyone, I just wish my husband was with me on those comings and goings....
But I have always said.....WHAT IF, all of those in this country and around the world would not give up and kept praying for they husband or wife to come back home .....the numbers would not be so staggering when it came to div.
When I went in to get div'd they were handing them out like candy...so sad to see, because at one time those people loved each other so much....and there was such hatred for each other in those that I saw...I felt like crying more for them than for mine....
I am in this for the long haul.....it is the hardest thing I have ever done...BUT GOD will one get the glory...... Irma
I will always love my husband, but I love myself more. I get one shot in this amazing body and I don't believe God wanted me to live another day with someone who didn't love and respect me back.
Out of destruction comes creation and boy has it ever! My life is amazing and I am serving the world by sharing all my talents. Had I stayed in a marriage to a broken and damaged man I might never have been able to give back as much as I have in the past two years. I think that's God's plan for me. Would I like to still be married? To my pre-MLC husband, yes. Not to the man he became. Life is too precious to waste waiting around for someone to change. I want to be the change and it required me to not be married anymore. Divorcing him was the hardest thing I have ever done. And, I believe God is saying to me, "You go girl!"
Just a different perspective...
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
I think we all relate and listen to God in many ways, I too feel God asking me to have patience and to stand for my marriage. I believe He will restore my marriage, when I and H is ready. I too would not want to be in a R as H is now, and I believe my separation from H is God's telling me I would not have been strong enough to live with him during his MLC crisis, but I am strong enough to live without him until he comes out of the tunnel. I try everyday to live as though he is not coming back, because it allows me to live a life that glorifies God and all he has to offer. I don't need a man to live the life God has created for me, I only need God to do that and when God has made the changes in my H I too will be ready for that challenge.
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
I will always love my husband, but I love myself more. I get one shot in this amazing body and I don't believe God wanted me to live another day with someone who didn't love and respect me back.
Out of destruction comes creation and boy has it ever! My life is amazing and I am serving the world by sharing all my talents. Had I stayed in a marriage to a broken and damaged man I might never have been able to give back as much as I have in the past two years. I think that's God's plan for me. Would I like to still be married? To my pre-MLC husband, yes. Not to the man he became. Life is too precious to waste waiting around for someone to change. I want to be the change and it required me to not be married anymore. Divorcing him was the hardest thing I have ever done. And, I believe God is saying to me, "You go girl!"
...Hosea and 1 Corinthians 7:12+ spoke volumes to me.
I have to say that Hosea affected me greatly after I decided to stand. 1 Corinthians also played a role in continuing since I think my W is a believer. I know that the Lord has promised to go after His sheep and, while my primary focus is on her relationship with God, I believe that God will continue working on the both of us (and boy do I need work, lol).
Originally Posted By: Ilikemenow
But I have always said.....WHAT IF, all of those in this country and around the world would not give up and kept praying for they husband or wife to come back home .....the numbers would not be so staggering when it came to div.
Your entire post really got to me. So many truths and so very honest. I would like to add that I have met so many people that have long ago put away their spouses and most of them had stated that they felt the decision was right at the time but they wish it hadn't ended. I am talking in and out of the church conversations.
Originally Posted By: GolfGirl1
Just a different perspective...
And is quite welcome.
My mom left my father back in the late 80s. She didn't want to but my dad was one of those people that never learned and wasn't willing to take ownership. He passed away in 1998 alone, for the most part. All my mom wanted, was a man who would love her and show her kindness and respect. He missed out on so much because of his stubborness. Unfortunately, I don't think he was a believer at the time. I pray that he was.
Originally Posted By: Lorie1964
I think we all relate and listen to God in many ways, I too feel God asking me to have patience and to stand for my marriage. I believe He will restore my marriage, when I and H is ready. I too would not want to be in a R as H is now, and I believe my separation from H is God's telling me I would not have been strong enough to live with him during his MLC crisis, but I am strong enough to live without him until he comes out of the tunnel. I try everyday to live as though he is not coming back, because it allows me to live a life that glorifies God and all he has to offer. I don't need a man to live the life God has created for me, I only need God to do that and when God has made the changes in my H I too will be ready for that challenge.
Awesome, Lorie. Stay close to Him.
I am reading a really good book by Linda Rooks called "Broken Heart on Hold". I hope that Michelle and the forum admins are okay with my recommending a book. Linda went through a separation of 3 years and her world was really rocked (not many aren't). What she learned during that time brought her closer to God. It is written from a woman's pov but is ideal for anyone that is going through this. Linda considered this journey through the wilderness as a time to grow closer to God. I cannot encourage the book more strongly.
To everyone else, I am not negating your opinions at all. I am strongly encouraging those that have stopped standing but posting to others here, to be cautious in discouraging others from standing inadvertently. Almost all of the MLCers, WAS, etc are emotionally abusive to some extent. It is easy to encourage someone to "move on".
IMO, while Michele definitely discourages people from staying in a bad relationship where safety is an issue, she is focused on doing what is necessary to save marriages from divorce. A major focus on doing this is to help the LBS to focus on changing things about themself, regardless of the marital outcome, to help the individual leave behind "toxic" personality traits.
This is something that is scriptural as well. My focus is to become more of the man God intended for me to be from the start. I need these changes with or without my W. And He knows that.
