[LITB]

I think that letter will backfire on you pretty badly when a judge reads it. I cant believe a lawyer wrote this. Tons of character assasination and no documentation of facts.

So she went on a trip to NV for some unstated duration. So what. What does this have to do with your children. Have you never been out of town? Do you thing the judge has never been out of town?

And your MIL abused your wife? How? When? Where is the evidence. MIL and W will tell the judge you are lying and the judge will believe them, not you. This will make you look terrible.

You allege that your W had EAs. How does this affect your children again? You are in a no fault state, the judge doesnt want to be bothered with this.

You need to state only what you can prove, and it needs to be only about the well-being of your children. Any other allegations you make will come back to bite you. Making this personal and ugly will ultimately only benefit the lawyers and your wife.

Take a look at the dadsdivorce website where there are a lot of guys who know how to go about trying to secure their custody rights and I think you will see what a collosal mistake you are about to make. Focus on your kids. Focus on their stability and well being. Prove that you are the best parent, not the bitter husband.

Damn, this makes my head hurt. I just wanted to keep my family intact. I didn't and don't want to go down this road. I have been the best parent throughout this ordeal and have shielded the kids from the craziness.

I am not bitter, but the letter does paint me as so. I get it.

I gave my L the notes because I thought they might help me with my case. My intent was not to try to blast my W out of the water with it. I didn't know how they would be used and I went with her advice.

I will have to check that website out. I'm curious why you only have 9 post when you can share some valuable insight like you did with that post?

[Starsky309]

LITB,

Ask your attorney if your filing can be amended. It's either a "yes" or a "no"; there's no use crying over spilled milk.


Starsky

[LITB]

LITB,

Ask your attorney if your filing can be amended. It's either a "yes" or a "no"; there's no use crying over spilled milk.


Starsky

I will ask her. You know Starsky, you have been dropping in on my sitch from the beginning and you have set me me straight several times. I truly appreciate it.

[fade]

Sorry for trying to scare you straight. You are at the very beginning of a very long process and no one goes through this without making a lot of mistakes so dont sweat it too much. You wont make or break your case with the initial filing. And feelings will get hurt in this process no matter what you do.

However, from this point forward you need to make sure your focus is on demonstration and documentation that you are a great dad and your kids will be best served by stability with you. Put your wife in the position where she has to prove that it is in the best interest of the kids to take them away from you and moved them out of state with her. You are being a good, honorable dad - you dont want to keep the kids away from their mom, but you cannot be forced to give up your kids or follow their mom around from state to state.

You are in a strong position. The status quo is the kids are with you. The burden of proof is on her to convince a judge that he should change this. Most judges dont like to change things that arent broke.




And I dont post much on divorce busting because any advice I have will probably just get you divorced!

[25yearsmlc]

I promise this is the last thing I'll say about the letter unless it can be changed.

The EAs are irrelevant in probably every state and in most states, if actual adultery occurred which was not involving the kids, that is irrelevant to custody.

The comments about the MIL are all irrelevant as to her laziness, and make YOU look bad in several ways, esp when they mention her health problems. As for the abuse, if you feared that MIL was going to hurt your kids, why the hell did you leave her with your kids?

Plus she and your w will deny it.

There is virtually NO proof of any of your claims except for her leaving you guys....

and now she'll say you agreed she was to go help her mother and when the mother got better, THEN the kids were to join her

but you got all vindictive and filed...

That's the revision coming your way, without her adding in some jabs of her own.

Be prepared LB...and just so I know, how'd you choose the L?

Did you say to her that you felt it was too strongly worded? (And mostly not admissible or provable...)

If none of it can be changed, and IF your w calls you,

maybe you can blame the L...IDK

it's a hard spot to come back from. I wouldn't blame you if you blamed the L...

heck, I'm bummed she sent it b/c unless there's some judge who hates NM,

she should've known better. IT's our job as L's to weed out this type of stuff.

OKAY, enough...no point in crying over spilled milk BUT

find out about any amendments possible asap

[LITB]

I promise this is the last thing I'll say about the letter unless it can be changed.
I just sent my L an email stating my concerns and asking if the document can be amended.

The EAs are irrelevant in probably every state and in most states, if actual adultery occurred which was not involving the kids, that is irrelevant to custody.
My L’s take is that this is an exhibit of my W’s irrational behavior. I understand it is irrelevant to custody. Just stating what I gather as to the reason it was included.

The comments about the MIL are all irrelevant as to her laziness, and make YOU look bad in several ways, esp when they mention her health problems. As for the abuse, if you feared that MIL was going to hurt your kids, why the hell did you leave her with your kids?
I did not and do not fear that my MIL will hurt my kids. I fear that my W may follow the same pattern that my MIL did under similar circumstances.

Plus she and your w will deny it.

There is virtually NO proof of any of your claims except for her leaving you guys....

and now she'll say you agreed she was to go help her mother and when the mother got better, THEN the kids were to join her
The MIL got sick after they moved to NM.
She had health issues prior to her moving here with us, however she had recovered and was healthy while she lived here. She probably was depressed as you said, but physically healthy.

but you got all vindictive and filed...
I suppose that I could have taken more time and it will be thrown back at me as vindictive. Unfortunately I didn’t take as much time as I should have. I felt that I needed to file quickly to protect myself before she filed. This may come back to bite with the docs in their current context.

That's the revision coming your way, without her adding in some jabs of her own.

Be prepared LB...and just so I know, how'd you choose the L?
I read several reviews on Yelp and consulted with her, along with a different L. After the consultation, I felt that she was the right L for me. I guess we will see one way or the other.

Did you say to her that you felt it was too strongly worded? (And mostly not admissible or provable...)
All I said was that it was a bit much. Nothing else. Her reply was that she felt that it all needed to be said. I took her advice.

If none of it can be changed, and IF your w calls you,

maybe you can blame the L...IDK

it's a hard spot to come back from. I wouldn't blame you if you blamed the L...
It seems to me I'm in a lose/lose sitch here. I can blame the L, but ultimately I am the one airing the dirty laundry. I'll see where I am when the SH!T breaks the fan. I hope not to be near it. I'll probably be right under it.

heck, I'm bummed she sent it b/c unless there's some judge who hates NM,

she should've known better. IT's our job as L's to weed out this type of stuff.

OKAY, enough...no point in crying over spilled milk BUT

find out about any amendments possible asap
I already sent an email asking the question.

[Denver_2010]

I did let my L know that they were brutal, but she felt like they had to be in there. Who am I to argue with someone that this is their profession?

There are a lot of bad attorneys out the LB. I hope that you have done your homework in finding this one.

I concur with what 25 said... most of that letter was just unnecessary.

It's going to be hard to reverse... if not impossible.

I'd suggest asking your attorney if you can look at any future letter prior to filing or mailing.

Then, I'd suggest posting them here just to get some feedback.

You can't react out of anger LB... Your D, assuming it happens, does not HAVE to be nasty. Unfortunately though, it is letters like this one that can send things in that direction.

BITS
Denver

[LITB]

Sorry for trying to scare you straight. You are at the very beginning of a very long process and no one goes through this without making a lot of mistakes so dont sweat it too much. You wont make or break your case with the initial filing. And feelings will get hurt in this process no matter what you do.

However, from this point forward you need to make sure your focus is on demonstration and documentation that you are a great dad and your kids will be best served by stability with you. Put your wife in the position where she has to prove that it is in the best interest of the kids to take them away from you and moved them out of state with her. You are being a good, honorable dad - you dont want to keep the kids away from their mom, but you cannot be forced to give up your kids or follow their mom around from state to state.

You are in a strong position. The status quo is the kids are with you. The burden of proof is on her to convince a judge that he should change this. Most judges dont like to change things that arent broke.




And I dont post much on divorce busting because any advice I have will probably just get you divorced!

I appreciate it fade. That last comment made me laugh. I needed that.

[LITB]

I'd suggest asking your attorney if you can look at any future letter prior to filing or mailing.

Then, I'd suggest posting them here just to get some feedback

I will definitely be posting any letters here in the future to get feedback. A very difficult lesson learned. Hopefully not a costly one.

[Denver_2010]

I'd suggest asking your attorney if you can look at any future letter prior to filing or mailing.

Then, I'd suggest posting them here just to get some feedback

I will definitely be posting any letters here in the future to get feedback. A very difficult lesson learned. Hopefully not a costly one.

You know what? I think that I would politely warn W that it is coming and blame the attorney.

I would NOT back off of any of the substance of the letter. But I would tell her that you had not wanted all of the dirty laundry put in the court record unless necessary and that you don't think that it was necessary at this point.

I would do this bc it is going to p!ss her off to no end LB. If she hasn't retained counsel yet, there is a good chance that she will now.

Maybe you can put her at ease somewhat by giving her a heads up.

BITS
Denver