[Starsky309]

You have my prayers, LITB, that God will move to do whatever is best for your kids right now.


Starsky

[Redo]

Oh wow. Your convo went great LITB!!. It was a mature discussion. Seems like your wife expected this, but at the same time handled it in a dignified way. Kudos to both of you.

I wish i had one convo like this with my wife on some of the sensitive issues.

You can at-least cross of 1 big item off your list.

way to go!!

[jbnati]

I'm on it, LITB. I will pray for His will to be done and for His purpose to be fulfilled.

[LITB]

You have my prayers, LITB, that God will move to do whatever is best for your kids right now.


Starsky

I'm on it, LITB. I will pray for His will to be done and for His purpose to be fulfilled.

I appreciate the prayers more than you know. I like how you both are praying for the kids and "his will", because this isn't about me. It is what is best for the kids. That's all I can hope for.

I will give an update when I hear something. I feel better this morning. I'm not as nervous as I was yesterday.

[LITB]

Oh wow. Your convo went great LITB!!. It was a mature discussion. Seems like your wife expected this, but at the same time handled it in a dignified way. Kudos to both of you.

I wish i had one convo like this with my wife on some of the sensitive issues.

You can at-least cross of 1 big item off your list.

way to go!!

The convo did go well Myk. That being said, I feel like I'm at the point of accepting that my M cannot be saved.

It has to do with me having to paint my W and her mom in a terrible light to keep my kids. It is something that was very difficult to do. Something that a person shouldn't have to do. Ultimately, it is for the best interest of my children.

I'm at peace with it for now.

[Redo]

That being said, I feel like I'm at the point of accepting that my M cannot be saved

We never know what the future holds for us. The only thing you can do is hope and do your best. Leave the rest to a higher power.

You need to chalk your convo with your wife as a lil positive. Seems like there were no bad feelings.

As both of you keep doing these things, love might blossom again. who knows.

However you have to understand. The D might go through. But that's okay. It is just paper. If love blossoms and you guys decide to get back again, then re-marry. Take new vows. Then both of you can look at this event as a new beginning and start fresh. Your marriage can be stronger than before.

[Starsky309]

Something like 20% of divorced couples re-marry, and most report that their marriage is better than it ever was before.

You never know what will happen.


Starsky

[LITB]

I'd like to think that there is a possibility of a R in the future and I appreciate the encouragement. However if she is unable to forgive me for being absent emotionally from her, I don't see how she will forgive for what is in the docs that she will be served. I still haven't heard anything back from my L yet.

Here is what is in the injunction that was filed yesterday:

On March 25, 2011 W moved to NM from SM County with her mother. She left the children with me here in SM county. I had hoped that we would not be getting a divorce when she left. However, it has become obvious that a divorce is what is going to happen. Since the children have been living with me and my mother, since March 25, 2011, I have come to realize that it is in their best interest to remain in my custody as their primary parent.

W had told me, on more than one occasion, that she was going to “pack up and move and leave D8” with me. However, she ended up moving and leaving both children with me.

The children are doing so well and are very happy living here with me and my mother, who does not work at all.

During our marriage, W had an “emotional affair” with douchebag #1 of NM. She had been planning on moving with him with our children over this last Christmas break, although he is married and lives with his W and children. They had planned on expanding their R to a PA relationship.

W’s mother had been living with us since August, 2010. I had moved her here from Las Vegas so that she could be near us and work here. However, she never looked for work, just watched television all day, eat and never contribute towards the running of the household. W was not working at the time either. I was the sole support of the family.

At the end of January, 2011, W went to Las Vegas on the pretext of telling her family that we were getting a divorce. She said she was going to be staying with her sister. She lied about that and I only learned about it afterwards. She may have been meeting someone there for an affair.

In February of this year, W had another “emotional affair” with douchebag #2, a high school sweetheart. She had told me that she made contact with him in September, 2010, however.

My mother is willing to stay on living here with us and helping me with the children. My work schedule is very flexible and I am able to be on my way home from work by 2:00 p.m. This allows me to pick up D8 and S5 from school. W’s job requires her to travel and attend social events in the evening hours. She does not get off of work, on her regular schedule, until 5:00. Also, her mother is her primary source of help with the children. However, she has been hospitalized twice in less than a year with meningitis. In fact, she is currently hospitalized and does not have health insurance. She will have to go back to work. My mother does not work.

The children, my mother and I attend church on a regular basis and we have been doing so for over a year. I volunteer in the children’s church learning program called AWANA when I take the children there. They really enjoy going to church and participating in AWANA.

W has claimed in the past that I was an absent father. But, she forgets the times that I took the children to the doctor appointments, practices, games, events, picked them up from day care and school. She also forgets that I took care of the children when she went to Florida without us to spend time with her friends or when she went to NM without us for her 20 year reunion.

W’s parents divorced when she was 8 years old. After that, her own mother physically abused her. As a result, W has had her own issues and even expressed to me several times that she was afraid to become a parent because she was afraid she would be like her mother. She told me that right before we met, she had been going to counseling to deal with her childhood trauma and issues as a result of that trauma.

I feel that perhaps it is that childhood trauma that has caused W to not stay put, so to speak, as the mother of the children, taking off to spend time with friends in Florida and to go to a reunion in NM and now to move in March of this year to NM, leaving the children behind with me, as their sole parent and care giver and provider.

I am the one that has been a consistent parent and I think I have been a very good dad for the children. It is W that has left them and moved on with her life. I tried to work things out with W and consistently made my feelings known to her ever since she announced that she wanted a divorce in November, 2010. That wasn’t enough for her and, as I said, she has moved on, leaving the children with me, thinking that I can just ship them to her like a piece of furniture, when they are well settled her in California with me and my mother. They have friends here now and are of such a young ages that I feel that bouncing them around will simply not be good for them. Otherwise, they will end up with their own set of issues as they grow up, as a result. They don’t deserved that. They deserve and need stability and consistency in a parent and that is what they are getting from me here in California, as their full time parent.

I am asking the Court issue orders pending the hearing that the children remain in California. Otherwise, I am fearful that they will never be returned to me in California. I really don’t know how W will react based on her past of having come from a family of divorce and having been physically abused and with her own set of issues that have required her to be in counseling (which I think is good for her, she needs to work on her issues, for herself and for her children).

I only want what is best for the children and I believe that that is being in m primary custody and care.

This should give you a clearer picture of my feelings of acceptance that my M is over.

I do think my chances of being the primary parent are better than she thinks.

[Redo]

LITB, Yup, i can see why you feel that M might be over.
The key here as you said is forgiveness.

In life we dont achieve much by holding on to past hurts. If your wife realizes that, even after this injunction and decides to start life fresh with you and totally let go of the past, then yes, both of you can build a better future together.

[LITB]

I hear what you're saying MyK.

Right now we are entering a whole new phase in my sitch. I really have no reason to talk to my W with the exception about our kids. There will be no more small talk, no R talk and absolutely no pursuing. I'm okay with it. My focus will continue to be completely on the kids and myself. I think that we will go cherry picking on Saturday. Something that I haven't done since I was a kid and something my kids haven't experienced. I'm looking forward to it.

I haven't heard back if a decision has been made on the injunction. I think that will be a good time to start a new thread.