Thanks Jon. Punkin, I though that they are going through a crisis and don't mean to hurt people and that in their world they are suffering? Totally lost now.
And I also read they aren't being selfish it just looks like that to us.
Thanks Jon. Punkin, I though that they are going through a crisis and don't mean to hurt people and that in their world they are suffering? Totally lost now.
And I also read they aren't being selfish it just looks like that to us. Thanks so much for the HUGS. I just can't believe that I still hurt this much after all of this time.
Matter of opinion, GF. Yes, I believe they are going through a crisis and don't intentially MEAN to hurt anyone, but they refuse to SEE the damage they have caused in the world around them. Yes, they are suffering, but can't see beyond their own pain to what they do and say and how it effects their loved ones.
Are they selfish? IMHO, DAMN Straight. But how many selfish people, outright or otherwise, truly see their own actions as selfish??
I don't get this part at all. H goes to his both son's functions from a girlfriend he had in high school. His mother and the rest of the family just went to his high school graduation.
Yet, he doesn't contact our D14 at all, didn't attend her confirmation....nothing.
Has anyone gone through this?? Sometimes I honestly think he is doing it to be spiteful to me. H knows how I feel and always felt when anyone hurt any of my children's feelings.
None of this makes sense and I know MLC doesn't make sense but he is choosing to be in both of his sons lives, and not our daughter's or my S's that he raised.
I found out he is telling everyone that our D14 doesn't want to see him (lie), and then will tell others that he isn't allowed to see her.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
"I found out he is telling everyone that our D14 doesn't want to see him (lie), and then will tell others that he isn't allowed to see her."
It's a shield to protect his own pitiful self-esteem. After all, if it's everyone else's fault, he doesn't have to take the blame for anything.
Continue to be the mother you need to be for your D. As hard as it is, don't hinge on the "hope" of your H doing something. Right now put him out of your mind and concentrate on making your life the best it can be.
In MLC he's revisiting what he perceives are his past "mistakes" and trying to correct them. I read somewhere that if you looked at how your spouse was in high school and how they are acting now, you will find out that they are behaving in the exact same way.
Put yourself first. Start by journaling what you are planning to do today (have lunch with a friend, etc.) and don't mention your H.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
This is the hard part. And some have responded and said H wouldn't have come home anyway even if his family did approve. But anyway, how do they go from saying they love you again and wanting to come home to fighting with you within 2 days and saying nasty hateful things and that it's over?
H calls D14 in the middle of Feb and asks why she hasn't texted or called in a couple of weeks and she tells him that she is just upset because he told her he was coming home and never did, so then he flips on her.
H changes his cell number so none of us have it, and D14 writes a little note saying she doesn't want him to miss anything big in her life again and would he please come to her Confirmation, and that she loves and misses him. NO response, doesn't go and this was at the end of April.
Still have not heard a word from him, me or the kids. Out of all of the threads I have read I have never seen anything like this before, oh and H ran into my sister and told her before he told me that he was thinking about coming home at the end of Jan.
It's like we don't even exist. I know there are not 2 situations that are the same, but mine seems to be so much different from most on here. H goes to his sons' things from his ex-girlfriend and doesn't even contact our D14 or my S20, that he raised.
I know that DB is also for us to move on if the M doesn't survive but how does anyone DB when the other person just drops out of their family's lives? No phone calls, emails, texts, nothing. And he continues it seems to be living as if we don't exist, just bothers with the in-laws and his other 2 children and the in-laws hate me and don't bother with our kids either. They blame me for H's MLC. They believe every word that comes out of his mouth.
So for me and the kids it was like it was 2 1/2 years ago.......starting from the beginning again of this mess as of Jan.
Good, I RARELY hear from H. My D16 RARELY hears from her father. I had to call him today to take D16 to band practice as I had an emergency. So while he is taking her he state 'I am going to come pick you up on Sunday and we are going out to eat for Father's Day' He didn't ask, just stated. D16 says she feels she has to do this now, though she did not want to. I told her it was a good idea to try to be with him for a bit, after all it is Father's Day. She says, but he doesn't even act like a father!
I do believe DBing is for you and not your H. It is about learning who you are as an individual. Focus on you and your children. Forget about H, one day he may wake up and one day he may not. What can you do for you to find peace, happiness, joy and contentment?
Blessings!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
