If she asks you why you didn't warn her (or accuses you of not warning her), tell her that you are following the advice of your attorney on these matters. That this is all new to you, you didn't expect to find yourself in this position, and that you really trust him/her to handle these kinds of things and look out for your interests. Validate that you know it's upsetting to her, but that you're only trying to do what's best for the kids and yourself, considering the circumstances.
The legal system moves slowly. Your wife will have plenty of time and opportunity to protect herself, and rightfully so.
If she asks you why you didn't warn her (or accuses you of not warning her), tell her that you are following the advice of your attorney on these matters. That this is all new to you, you didn't expect to find yourself in this position, and that you really trust him/her to handle these kinds of things and look out for your interests. Validate that you know it's upsetting to her, but that you're only trying to do what's best for the kids and yourself, considering the circumstances.
The legal system moves slowly. Your wife will have plenty of time and opportunity to protect herself, and rightfully so.
Starsky
That's a great post Starsky. I can see it coming like a freight train with the lights on, horns blowing and the steam flowing out of the stack from miles away.
She does have the right to protect herself and I would like both the W and I to be accessible to our kids. They need both of us. Unfortunately her moving so far away has created a logistical challenge.
Glad to see that you are no longer moderated.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
. . .and I would like both the W and I to be accessible to our kids. They need both of us.
You may want to go ahead and reassure her of that. Don't feel the need to tip your legal hand or otherwise "rescue" her from what she's doing, but this one's a biggie and there's no reason why you can't let her know that you have no intention of keeping her from the kids.
Starsky (who's no longer driving the "fully-moderated" Gran Torino)
You may want to go ahead and reassure her of that. Don't feel the need to tip your legal hand or otherwise "rescue" her from what she's doing, but this one's a biggie and there's no reason why you can't let her know that you have no intention of keeping her from the kids.
Starsky (who's no longer driving the "fully-moderated" Gran Torino)
Yeah, I have no intention of keeping her from the kids. That is the reason I had originally agreed to allow them to move to NM with her. I thought that I could move there too and have them 50/50, however the job prospects there are terrible for me. The move would devastate my career.
Now depending on the outcome of my sitch, I could still end up there. I'd do it for my kids even though I do not have much desire to live there.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Father’s Day turned out to be a fantastic day. The kids were up early, they brought me their cards and gifts that my mom helped them put together. My W sent them money to get me something for the day. She also sent me a nice card that said, “the kids are blessed to have such a wonderful dad”.
I sent her the following TM:
M: Good Morning. Thank you for the father’s day card. That was sweet of you.
W: Good Morning! Enjoy your Father’s Day with the babies…. J
I followed that TM by asking about her mom, since I hadn’t talked to my W since last Monday. Her mom is in a rehabilitation center recovering from her hospital stay. Thankfully her health is improving. I surprisingly received a TM from the MIL wishing me a Happy Father’s Day. I told her thank you and let her know that I was glad she was doing better.
As I was in the middle of typing this, I received the following email from my W(my heart dropped):
Good Morning…
Can we talk tonight about the flight arrangements for D8 and S5? I’m planning on having a “Welcome Home/Birthday Parties” for them when they arrive on Saturday, July 16th and need to send out the invitations.
Thanks
Oh boy, here we go. I haven’t told her that I am getting ready to file to keep them here. I sent the message to my L to let her know what I have going on. I knew this was coming. It looks like I can’t hold her off much longer.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
LITB, I am really glad for you. It was nice of your wife to have written that nice note.
Thanks Myk.....her feelings are probably going to change once she finds out what I am up to. It is going to get ugly.
My L should have the docs for my signature later today and the W should be served by the end of the week. She is going to be fired up. Ah well.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
After reviewing the docs from my L, I don't see how my W will be able to stand ever being associated with me.
Talk about airing some dirty laundry. From her EAs to her mother physically abusing her as a child to her mom being sick. This completely rips my heart out having to do this. This really sukks.
This isn't who I am, but for my kids I have to do it.
No matter how well I DB, I don't see much hope for my M right now.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
