I followed a little bit of it but not all of it. The dynamics of this whoe situation has changed several times and has caused me to currently look towards fixing myself and what i can do to make myself better.
robx's advice is NOT good DB advice for the situation as you've described it. There is a time and place when it might be good advice, but it carries risks.
The piece you've shared has elements of Denver's situation. The similarity is that YOU have played a serious part in this situation that lead to the situation at hand, and you putting your foot down is just ridiculous if you want to save your marriage.
The part where you turn it around and up your personal value in the relationship IS good advice.
The piece you've shared has elements of Denver's situation. The similarity is that YOU have played a serious part in this situation that lead to the situation at hand, and you putting your foot down is just ridiculous if you want to save your marriage.
I wasn't referring to "putting his foot down," db. In fact, much of the advice that Robx gave D&C was for him to AGREE with her, and to look-good/smell-good and drop the rope.
Fighting her on this is only going to build up more resistance and resentment in her, in my opinion.
I have played a VERY real part in this whole situation and i've hurt myself by hurting those that i love more than life itself. I've told my wife that I'm devastated and crushed because i hurt her and them. I think that if i would of put my foot down i think it would just build more resistance and resentment. She's told me on several occasions that i don't do anything anymore. I used to hunt, fish, hangout with buddies, ride motorcycles, play sports and all that stuff. But there was a time in our relationship where she would say that i never paid enough attention to our girls. So after hearing that several times i turned it around and basically shut off all the things i used to enjoy doing. Just this past week my wifes cell phone crapped out on her so even though she's out of our house i bought her a new one, now i know that in this whole DB process that was probably the wrong thing to do but i myself felt it was the right thing to do.
I just recently started playing in a roller hockey league so i'm starting to turn it around. I have followed denver's situation and i do see some similarities. Right now i'm trying to eliminate any risks and we have both agreed to not fight about things because that's not going to get us anywhere. I don't want to fight with her i want to her to see the changes that i'm determined to make. The other night we were tlking on the phone and both of were crying and i was telling her that i was going makes the changes and become the man i want to be and the man/husband/father that she wants me to be. Well just as i was saying that the Chris Young song "The Man I Want To Be" came on the radio and the next morning when i went to work it was on the radio as i was starting my car. That song really resonates with me and it's me. It's "The Man I Want To Be".
Now my SIL who always seems to be fighting with her husband is going to be living with my wife. So that throws a whole other dynamic into the situation.
The piece you've shared has elements of Denver's situation. The similarity is that YOU have played a serious part in this situation that lead to the situation at hand, and you putting your foot down is just ridiculous if you want to save your marriage.
I wasn't referring to "putting his foot down," db. In fact, much of the advice that Robx gave D&C was for him to AGREE with her, and to look-good/smell-good and drop the rope.
Fighting her on this is only going to build up more resistance and resentment in her, in my opinion.
Starsky
Then I agree. (It's helpful if you just say that a lot when you're recommending someone else's advice, because you probably don't mean their whole ball of wax.)
You can be very helpful purely on your own.
Why not tell what's going well and not well in your own situation.
Thanks dbmod....it's extremely hard especially when we still see a lot of each other. That's the hardest part. Seeing her and trying to show her affection butnot getting anything in return but yet knowing she still loves you.
Feeling very low today. Just missing my family i guess. Didn't sleep very well last night, texted my wife at 1:45am to say i couldn't sleep. Don't really know why i did that to be honest probably because not having her in our bed had something to do with my bad night of sleep. She texted me this morning asking why i didn't sleep well, i told her i didn't know and just couldn't that i slept like crap. I asked her how she slept and whether our youngest settled down and went to sleep last night. I was there until my W got home from work and everyone went to bed.
On a brighter note i have my first appointment with my counselor tomorrow so i'm looking forward to that. I'm hopeful that it will be the beginning of a new me so to speak. This is something that i really need to defeat so that i can have healthy relationships with those that i love.
I'm planning on trying the NC with my W. As i read through other peoples stories and sitches i feel like that is something that i should do. I've been following denver's sitch particularly close and i can relate to it it very much.
Funny story, I took my girls to go see Kung Fu Panda 3 when it came out and I can relate to Po saying that he felt as though he lost his center. I was talking to my stepdaughter about mommy and I seperating and I told her that I was like Po in that i've lost my center and need to find myself for things to work with mommy and I. Doesn't really have much to do with this subject but more of me doing self observation. Basically i'm just rambling, it sort helps me when i start feeling helpless.
Well i followed through on no contact with my wife for the rest of the day. She texted me @ 6:45 this evening saying "you're quiet today" i waited about 40 minutes to reply to which i said "just kind of busy babe".
I'm pretty proud of myself, babysteps, for not texting her the rest of the day and letting her text me first. She has done this before also when i've gone a long time without texting her. Is this a good start?
