[LITB]

I talked with my L, she advised me to ignore the email. Let's see how long this will go before I get pushed for an answer.

[LITB]

Now that I'm getting ready to face some anger from my W when she gets served or finds out that I have a L to fight for custody of our kids, I need advice.

Right now the W and I are in a friendly place where we can communicate without any negative feelings, although I have been limiting my contact with her lately. I want to continue to take the high road when she goes off.

I suspect she's going to call me names, rewind the tape, blame me for all of her unhappiness, etc., etc. I'm trying to prepare myself for what she throws at me.

I'm thinking act "as if" everything will be fine and go in with a positive attitude, don't get defensive, however don't take any unnecessary verbal abuse.

I can use some help with this.

[♪CS♪]

don't get defensive

^^^^ This is a biggy.

I think you need to really lay out your case in your own mind right now. Be prepared to explain your actions.

Also validate her concerns, she'll have plenty I presume.

But if your actions are truly in the best interest of your children, and you can explain it clearly, I believe she will eventually understand. Don't expect it right away though.

Let the L's handle as much as possible. I won't sugar coat it, this is going to be tough. Stand tall and be proud you are being the best dad you can be.

[Starsky309]

I want to continue to take the high road when she goes off.

I suspect she's going to call me names, rewind the tape, blame me for all of her unhappiness, etc., etc. I'm trying to prepare myself for what she throws at me.

I'm thinking act "as if" everything will be fine and go in with a positive attitude, don't get defensive, however don't take any unnecessary verbal abuse.

I think you've got it about right. If she's downright rude or disrespectful, just stop the conversation and say "We'll continue this when you calm down and stop being so rude. You're upset right now and I get that, but I'm not going to stand here and be treated so disrespectfully" (or something similar).

If she keeps it civil, just say things like "I understand you feel that way. Everything I'm doing, I'm trying to do what's best for the kids and myself. This is what I've decided is best right now."

Starsky

[jbnati]

^^^^
Sounds like good advice to me. You are doing the right thing. When all is said and done, you have to make sure you did the right thing for your kids.
I'll keep you in my prayers.

I read through your last few posts. I think you are prayerfully following God's direction in this.


I'll also quote my DB coach. "Fear is a powerful motivator, but a terrible guide."
Finally, on the lighter side, I selected a Foghat song on a jukebox last night in honor of you.

[LITB]

I think you need to really lay out your case in your own mind right now. Be prepared to explain your actions.

You are right Country. I'm going to start writing everything down. It seems that I remember my responses much better when I put them on paper. Great suggestion.

Also validate her concerns, she'll have plenty I presume.

Indeed. This part should be interesting. I need to put some thought into what her concerns might be and what my reaction/rebuttal to her will be.

But if your actions are truly in the best interest of your children, and you can explain it clearly, I believe she will eventually understand. Don't expect it right away though.

Yeah, I don't expect her to understand immediately. I expect an emotion of rage from her when she finds out that I reneged on our agreement. Hopefully she will understand my decision someday. Ultimately, I know that I am making the right decision.

Let the L's handle as much as possible. I won't sugar coat it, this is going to be tough. Stand tall and be proud you are being the best dad you can be.

Absolutely, my intent is to be the best dad possible. This is the last thing I wanted to do, but there was no other choice. I finally feel comfortable with my decision, despite what the outcome will be.

[LITB]

^^^^
Sounds like good advice to me. You are doing the right thing. When all is said and done, you have to make sure you did the right thing for your kids.
I'll keep you in my prayers.

I read through your last few posts. I think you are prayerfully following God's direction in this.


I'll also quote my DB coach. "Fear is a powerful motivator, but a terrible guide."
Finally, on the lighter side, I selected a Foghat song on a jukebox last night in honor of you.

Thank you JB for the prayers and for hooking up some Foghat in my honor. That is really cool of you.

Your DB coach is right about fear. It was guiding me to just roll over and take the easy way out. Thank God I am no longer afraid.

[LITB]

I think you've got it about right. If she's downright rude or disrespectful, just stop the conversation and say "We'll continue this when you calm down and stop being so rude. You're upset right now and I get that, but I'm not going to stand here and be treated so disrespectfully" (or something similar).

If she keeps it civil, just say things like "I understand you feel that way. Everything I'm doing, I'm trying to do what's best for the kids and myself. This is what I've decided is best right now."

Thanks for the advice Starsky. I appreciate it and will add it to my notes.

Journaling:
Since the W emailed me on Tuesday morning for the status on the agreement, I have heard very little from her since. One would think that if I am in contact with an attorney to review the agreement, she would be more anxious to get it signed. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining that she isn't pushing for an answer. I just find it strange.

On another note, I had been relatively dim from Memorial Day to this past Monday as she was updating me on her mom's health and dealing with the passing of her cousin. I have gone dark since Monday. The only text message I sent was on Tuesday night after she left a VM. I let her know that D8 was in the shower and S5 was asleep. She apologized about calling so late and let me know why. I haven't heard anything since. She has began calling the kids during the day while I am at work.

[Redo]

Since the W emailed me on Tuesday morning for the status on the agreement, I have heard very little from her since. One would think that if I am in contact with an attorney to review the agreement, she would be more anxious to get it signed. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining that she isn't pushing for an answer. I just find it strange.

My wife did/does the same thing. Initially i felt the same as you. But now i know that she is just being very cautious by consulting her lawyer before emailing anything. I guess shes just making sure that legally she's kosher.

Could be the same here with you. Or something else. Either way, as the vets here say, don't spend too much time trying to figure them out.

[LITB]

My wife did/does the same thing. Initially i felt the same as you. But now i know that she is just being very cautious by consulting her lawyer before emailing anything. I guess shes just making sure that legally she's kosher.

Could be the same here with you. Or something else. Either way, as the vets here say, don't spend too much time trying to figure them out.

My W doesn't have an attorney right now. As far as I know she doesn't even realize what is about to hit her. She is still under the impression that our agreement is gospel and the kids will be moving with her next month. I'm not offering her any info on my plans. She will find out soon enough.

You are right about not spending too much time on wondering what she is thinking. Although I am good about that for the most part, these thoughts do cross my mind from time to time. The dynamics are fascinating from a psychological standpoint.