[ninelives]

LIB:

You know that answer is always to take the high road. Be there for her as a friend would be for another close friend.

You dont have to do more than that. I was there for an entire week for my W when her mom died but pulled back when i apparently misread a text from her. I thought she wanted me to pull back but she said later that is not what she meant.

Anyway, when things like this happen , IMO, you have to put all else aside and be the bigger person. Your kids need to see a person that can handle adversity and still be the kind of man they can admire.

9

[LITB]

Thanks for chiming in fellas. You are both right about just being a friend that she can lean on in a time like this.

She knows that she has always been able to count on me when dealing with these types of situations. I'm still the first person she calls. I'm working on being a better listener to what she is saying and less of a fixer. Not that I can fix any of what she is dealing with.

Last night my W asked me to continue praying for her mom. I told her, "of course, would you like me to have pastor call to pray with you too?". She did. He called her this morning, coincidently right before I returned her call. She was very appreciative.

The high road is much better than the alternative.

An update on the MIL. The doctors ran an MRI this morning and another CT scan per a convo with my W this afternoon. It is looking more and more like she did have a stroke. The results of the test have not come back, but unfortunately it is not good. The results should be in tomorrow.

[LITB]

I wanted to share something interesting with the board that happened to me, while contemplating the fight for the custody of my kids.

Back in March I had gone to bible study and the pastor said something that stuck in my head. He said, “when you pray, do you ever stop to listen to God for what he wants you to do or do you just pray to ask God about your needs? He gave us one mouth and two ears for a reason.” That’s me paraphrasing.

That night before bed, I read my meditation book and said my prayers. While I prayed , I asked the Lord to give me the strength and the wisdom to make all the right decision regarding my situation and specifically about my kids. After I was done praying, I sat there quietly and listening for a few moments. Nothing happened and I went to bed.

Sometime during the night, not one of my kids, but both of them came to sleep with me. Mind you, neither of them are in the habit of coming to my room after bedtime. I don’t remember them getting into bed, but when I woke up to both of them, I felt that was God telling me to fight for my kids and everything will be just fine.

Even though I took that as a sign, I still had a lot of fear.

The fear of pushing my W further away.

The fear of putting my kids through an ugly custody battle.

The fear of having to work the rest of my life paying for my wife to live her life off of my support.

Just plain fear.

Then I started reading some of the post by 25 to MyKarma on his thread and to someone else in their thread about fighting for our kids. It made perfect sense, but I still had fear.

Then on May 27th, I opened my meditation book (Moments of Peace in the Presence of God Morning and Evening Edition). A great book BTW that has given me peace.

This is the title of the evening meditation:
WHEN FEAR COMES CHARGING IN

When I get really afraid I come to you in trust. Psalm 56:3

Fear is a powerful, unreasonable emotion. It influences how you think and react, and it even affects your physical well-being. Fear will stop you from reaching your potential or from allowing your loved ones to be all they can be. You know God is directing you in a certain way, but you refuse to step out in faith because of your apprehension.

Understand that your fear is based on an expectation of punishment-you believe it’s inevitable that only bad things will happen. Instead, you must focus on God’s character. God is all-powerful, all knowing, and completely loving. So obey him-he’ll only lead you in what’s best for you. With God, you never have to be afraid.

God, fear is a powerful influence in my life. Help me to obey you in faith and trust you whenever my anxieties come charging in. Amen

In God, whose word I praise, in God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid. What can mere man do to me? Psalm 56:4

After reading this, I’m like, “okay God, I hear you loud and clear.”

The last thing that finally helped me get over my fear was my W. On Memorial Day I took her temperature. I know DB preaches against it, but I needed to see where her heart was before I hired an attorney(crazy I know). She unleashed on me and said some mean things. It told me that I couldn’t push her further away. I didn’t need to fear that anymore. It was already a reality.

Do I know how things will turn out? No, but I don’t have the fear anymore and I know that no matter what happens……LITB will be okay.

[LITB]

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.

I have to keep these scriptures near to keep them at the front of my mind.

[Redo]

LITB:

In regards to children custody, we are in similar situations.

Yup, i had the same exact fears as you did. But with the advise of BITS in this forum, i understood the importance of being there in your kid's life. This weekend i spent time with my daughter reinforced that belief in me.

So stay strong and try to live the moment. It helps immensely.

[LITB]

Update......

The MIL did not have a stroke. She has something else going on in her head. Thankfully all indications are that she is going to be alright.

On the D front, my W sent me an email this morning asking about the status of our agreement. I haven't replied to let her know the agreement is off the table and that I have retained a L. I sent the message to my L to advise me on what to do.

I knew this day was coming. Not a day I looked forward to. I'll have to let her know soon. $ucks.

[LearningPatience]

I think 25 said (or at least referenced) the only way through it is through it. Yeah, it'll be rough, but you have a lot of support here.

Concentrate on the good news that MIL will be ok. You will too.

[♪CS♪]

Very smart move consulting with your L before responding.

This will be tough, no doubt. However if your intentions are good, which I know they are, you will get through it. Be honest, caring, and strong.

[Redo]

LITB, stay strong in this. You might go through a multitude of emotions now. But through all this know that you are doing this so that the kids will have a better future.

When i told my wife about me retaining lawyer and that i'll be contesting her actions on child custody, she hit the ceiling and said a lot of mean stuff. It hurt like hell. But i did not back down.

Heads up. I am not sure how your wife might react. But in my case wife did not make it easy for me to interact with daughter. She did not prevent me from talking, but did not assist either.
Hopefully it will not be the case with you, but just be prepared.

Believe me the initial wave will be hard. But one you dive in, relegate the harder stuff to your lawyer to handle it, life does become easier.

Good luck!

[LITB]

Thanks for the advice and support fellas. I was in the middle of my reply when the server went down. How am I expected to operate under these conditions? Lol Have to use my phone.

I haven't heard back from my L yet. I think that I can buy myself another day or so.

W might be headed to Vegas tomorrow for her cousin's funeral services. I decided that it is in my best interest is not to go. My thoughts are that I have to be here full time for my kids. It doesn't look good on my W going to Vegas and not making any effort to come spend time with the kids since she left. Not once. I hate having to think like that, but that is where I'm @ right now.